Hello, exers! It's been awhile since I blogged. I'm happily smoke-free and enjoying the world. Not enjoying ragweed season, though, let me tell you! So glad I don't smoke anymore... I can't even believe I ever made it through ragweed season as a smoker. No wonder I was sick all the time! I've had a couple dark days here and there this year... I've been out of skating due to a broken foot (scooter accident, of all things) then a concussion (roller derby, proudly), then my very first and fierce bout of all-over poison ivy (at 34, jeez!) and I've had some serious low times. But I've been cleared to start skating again, so I'm pretty stoked about that. There have been a couple moments here and there when I thought "Man, I could really use a cigarette". But I didn 't! No smoking for me, McGee.
The dreams haven't gone away- I think they are my brain's way of warding me away from smoking, because I feel so awful and shitty when I wake up and I think I've smoked, that it forces me to think about why it makes me feel shitty again, and then I can take a moment to sit and be thankful for the fact that it was just a nightmare and I'm still making good choices.
Taking stock of your life. Deep breaths. Being present. These are so much better for me than smoking. My life has been changed so completely by quiting. I am so glad I started meditating with my quit, finding ways to incorporate mindfulness practices into my life when I can. Now I see how much I used smoking as a way to avoid being present, how I used it to avoid addressing health issues and emotional issues in my life, and how much it took away from living my best life. I'm not perfect, I still make poor choices here and there, but nothing that has framed the structure of how I live so completely. I had no idea how much smoking had altered how I live and perceive the world. I'm so thankful for my lungs, even during ragweed season. Maybe especially during ragweed season.
Hope everybody is surviving and thriving, smoke-free (or working their way to it)! I know now that I'm worth it and I promise you that you're worth it, too. Everybody deserves the gift of being smoke-free. We all have to work for it, but it's so worth every moment, even the hard ones.
love & sunshine,
Ox
