Im struggling. The tears are back every day. I have a very intense smell of smoke in my nose. Its even waking me up. Ivebeen struggling for a few days now hoping i will just snap back to where I was a week ago when I honestly thought all this was behind me. Im having shortness of breath in my throat and near constant anxiety.
2 things are going on that I can attribute to my current feelings. My wonderful daughter has been away for a week and I miss her dreadfully. Im also back at work and Im bored and disillusioned with it already. None of these are new experiences or feelings (except the smokey smell) but now I dont smoke to help me through it. I miss my daily walks in the sun as well. All the good work i had done during the summer is quickly coming undone.
Ive come closer this week to picking up a cigarette than for a very long time. I hate this rollercoaser. I cant even see my surf board through the tears, let alone get on it to ride this wave again...
My daughter is home tomorrow, i have to hold it together for her so that will help. Ive also made a drs appointment for the breathing and throat thing and to see if anything is underlying or if its the anxiety. Im hoping
Sorry. I just need to blog this out. I need to get back to where I was previously. I am just exhausted
