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Nix Blog

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Isn't It funny that as we approach these big milestones smoking starts to feature heavily in our brains again.  I've logged on frequently in the last few days and really happy to see my old friends and quit buddies reliable as ever, supporting each other and guiding the newbies. I envy your commitment  to the site. Im thrilled to see Pops and TerrieQuit back. I've missed you guys, so glad you are rejoining the gang.


We all have our stories and I love that I can share mine here with such lovely supportive people. This last 2 years has been quite a journey for me. I've  travelled through some very dark places and hopefully now out the other side.


I didn' t realise quite what I was getting into that day when I decided to try and go without my cigs. I didn't realise that as well as making that choice my body was also changing. I didn't know that I was also menopausal on that day. 


I know today nearly 2 years on, that quitting smoking and going through the menopause at the same time is quite a challenge for the body and more importantly the mind. The anxiety and depression brought on by these 2 major life changing events have been hellish. I didn't know what I didnt know and I've had to educate myself about facing addiction and about hormonal changes. I get now why I cried soooooooo much  

I'm a tough, capable person who has been brought to my knees but I'm bouncing back and I still haven't smoked. 


Im lucky that I dont have to be around smokers much anymore where I live but I've just come back from Morrocco where it seems everyone smokes. I really didn't like being around smokers, not because I wanted a cigarette but because I didn't like the smell hanging in the air, I hated the smell on my clothes and in my hair when I got back to the hotel and walking through clouds of smoke in the medinas made me cough. Listening to the smokers coughing and wheezing made me finally realise how far I've come.


And so this 2 year milestone is coming. I AM SO PROUD OF ME. I have no idea what's coming next on my journey but I know that with education and support and with my tenacity I will get through it. 


Love to you all



Checking in with 600 days

Posted by Nix Dec 22, 2017

Thanks to today's freedom train, I realise I have reached an awesome 600 days of freedom from smoking. That is very cool indeed. 

As everyone promised me , being an ex keeps getting better and better every day. I rarely have craves anymore and when I do I can quickly recognise them for what they are and move on easily.

I'm having a niggly smokey smell stuck in my nose for a few days now, but it's more irritating than a real crave. I now realise it's probably as I'm around a milestone time, that does seem to be a frequent occurrence for some quitters.

Love and warm wishes to everyone. Being a successful quitter is awesome, stick with it..

Wow. Wow. Wow. 

I am feeling so very very proud today. What an awesome achievement.

500 days quit. 

As ever I wholeheartedly thank the elders and the Ex community for the support and advice that I received to get me to this day.

I also thank myself for sticking with this journey through every gritty crave, for every time I was crawling the walls desperate for a cigarette. I thank myself for staying strong and using all the tools that were shared with me to stay true to my resolve.

These days, I can walk for miles without getting out of breath, I don't wheeze anymore , I sleep better as my breathing is better and I don't wake coughing and gasping. I very rarely cough anymore and Ive stopped eating menthol sweets in a vain attempt to clear my breathing.

Stick with it everyone. Chose not to smoke and stay strong.

Love to everyone

Nix xx


Day 438 and just checking in

Posted by Nix Jul 13, 2017

Hey all.

Just checking in to share  progress and catch up on what everyone is up to.

Life plods on without the cigs. I've been through most life and everyday events now without a cigarette and I'm feeling really strong in my quit. 

I still think about smoking and I still get that taste in my mouth that makes me fancy a cigarette but these days I can just think, goodness I'm glad I don't do that anymore and get on with my day. It's a fleeting thought that keeps me on my toes. I don't want to ever have to go through quitting ever again. I've just reread some if my old blogs and can remember every single 1 like it was yesterday. I can't believe how intense quitting was but also how satisfying it is having gone through it.

So as usual, a note to the newbies.

Quitting is doable. Keep at it, 1 day at a time, 1 cigarette at a time. You just need to say no to the 1 you want right now.  I was a heavy smoker who enjoyed smoking and I managed to quit. If i can do it, you can do it.

The elders on this site are amazing people. Listen to them and trust their advice. You might not always want to hear what they have to say but they are the best supporters you will ever have and have been through everything you are going through.

To the elders.

I thank each and every one of you for the support and care you gave to me during my quit. You are very special and the world is a better place with you helping people through this journey.

And finally to my quit buddies.

I am so very very proud of each of you and have loved watching your transitions from newbies to taking your places alongside the original elders. Well done my friends. I take my hat off to you and bow down in respect.

Love to you all. Xx 



Day 365  

Posted by Nix May 1, 2017

Hey everyone.

Just dropped by to say hi and let everyone know that today I celebrate reaching that amazing milestone of 1 year quit.

I am so very very proud of this achievement. I genuinely never thought I would get here but I have and I'm so happy.

For any newbies reading this, please have faith. You can do it, one day at a time. It's a long road but ultimately worth every single painful crave that you get through. Stay focused on why you have quit and I promise it will get easier and easier. Leaving no man's land really is a turning point.

I owe my success in part to the support that I received and the advice given by this fabulous community, these guys really know their stuff. Trust them and listen to what they say.

Love to you all

Nix xx

Happy New Year everyone.

Thank you for supporting me yesterday in a very strong crave which has passed as we knew it would and thank you for supporting me throughout my quit.

2016 was the year when I quit smoking. Wooooohhhhhhhooooo. I am very very proud of that.

May 2017 bring everyone peace and happiness in whatever way you need it.

Love to you all


Hey everyone, Hope everyone has enjoyed the festive season and enjoyed time with loved ones. I have and am therefore surprised to find myself having full blown craves again which lasted all day yesterday and I'm having again today mixed with anxiety in my throat again. Is this normal? I think I remember reading about other people having the odd craving in the 200s? I've checked my HALT and nothing unusual going on. Worried I might be going backwards and I'm loving life smoke free....don't want to go back but the cravings are strong ....

Hi All,

Hope you are all doing well?

Im staying strong with my quit and truthfully share that I very rarely think about smoking now despite a very rocky few weeks.

Ive been back at work for 3 months now and its been dreadful. I am so unhappy and my anxiety attacks have been getting steadily worse. BUT I have not been tempted to have a cigarette. I am so proud of not being tempted and even prouder that my ' go to ' solution for most things I used to smoke over is now 'can i get out for a walk?'.

My addict brain has been telling me for over 200 days that my increasing anxiety is caused by my quitting smoking and that a cigarette would ease my thoughts and emotions. I have finally realised that I have suffered with anxiety for a long long time but had masked it with nicotine, never allowing me to learn to manage this in a more healthy way and that now, finally, with the toxins and nicotine out of my body and with my physical health steadily continuing to improve, I now need to find better ways to manage my anxiety. Im starting to do that now.

So for any newbies battling through the early days, keep going.

For those in nml, please keep going.

Your addict brains will try to trick you into having a cigarette in so many really odd ways, please dont fall for it. Stick to your quit with every fibre of your body. You will get through it.

You too will be so very proud every time you overcome a crave and it really does get easier.

You too will look back with pride when you are through the worst and feel so grateful that you stuck it out.

Remember NOPE and figure out whats going on for you when it gets really tough using HALT.  Hungry, Angry, Lonely,Tired. These remain my lifelines 

Stay close to this site and blog it out. There are a lot of wonderful people here who will hold your hand and guide you through your journeys

Love to you all



Day 200 and thank you

Posted by Nix Nov 17, 2016
Thank you for the messages of celebration at my reaching 200 glorious days smoke free. I had completely missed this milestone. I take that as a good thing, it means I'm no longer obsessing about smoking . I owe you all so much for being by my side through this, holding my hand and you are my hero's and remain my inspiration every day. Thank you all xxx

Hey everyone.

Feeling bad that Ive not checked in for a while but feeling warm and happy now that I have.

Ive done a quick check on my quit mates! Those with similar numbers of days to mine who have shared my journey by my side and my heart swells reading your blogs. Ive checked the elders and am warmed to find them standing by helping everyone along, reliable and informative as ever and very strange to see newbies going through those early days wondering if it will ever get better.

To my quit mates, you are becoming elders. I am so proud of you all and I am so very grateful for your friendship along the way

To the elders, well you are just amazing. Thank you for being there.

To the newbies, stick with it. Blog, read, ask questions and share with the community. However many days you have, be proud of your quit and believe all of those who tell you it will get easier. It does! 

How am I doing? I can honestly say that I barely think about smoking now. I chatted with a collegue today who has been quit 5 years and still chews nicotine gum. Im glad I went cold turkey in the end and got it over with, he s still trying to figure out how to come off the gum! But, whatever works for the person is whats important, he doesnt smoke anymore which is great.

Ive had so many tests for my breathing and throat problems since I was last here which fortunately have all been negative. The final diagnosis was anxiety which i believe was heavily linked to my quitting smoking, but a small price to pay for the dramatic improvements in my physical health.   I am trying various holistic treatments with some successes to address the anxiety.

All in all, quitting smoking is the hardest thing I have done in a long time, possibly ever. I massively underestimated my ' emotional /psychological' addiction but would I do it again?

Absolutely, in a heart beat.

I am so proud that I havent smoked for 194 days and I have no intention or desire to smoke again.

I thank you all for being here for everyone who needs you and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for holding my hand through my quit

Xx nicki xX


Thank you, thank you, thank you

Posted by Nix Oct 16, 2016

And thank you again. You guys are all totally amazing.

I reached out and you wrapped me in warm comforting arms. Wow, i feel so lucky to have found this community.

So many words of wisdom and ideas for me to try. I have spent hours and hours reading others experiences as they reached that 6 month mark.

The massive realisation i ve had is that what im feeling is no longer to do with the smoking or cigarettes. Thats something i decided i dont want to do anymore, so why would having a cigarette help me...... only by distracting me from whats actually going on in my head and actually facing and dealing with that.

I have so much more thinking and planning to do about looking forwards instead of looking back. And time to take some more positive steps 

Thank you all, i cant tell you how much better you have made me feel with your kindness and positive advice. 


Day 167 and having a tough time

Posted by Nix Oct 15, 2016

Im struggling. The tears are back every day. I have a very intense smell of smoke in my nose. Its even waking me up. Ivebeen struggling for a few days now hoping i will just snap back to where I was a week ago when I honestly thought all this was behind me. Im having shortness of breath in my throat and near constant anxiety. 

2 things are going on that I can attribute to my current feelings. My wonderful daughter has been away for a week and I miss her dreadfully. Im also back at work and Im bored and disillusioned with it already.  None of these are new experiences or feelings (except the smokey smell) but now I dont smoke to help me through it. I miss my daily walks in the sun as well. All the good work i had done during the summer is quickly coming undone.

Ive come closer this week to picking up a cigarette than for a very long time. I hate this rollercoaser. I cant even see my surf board through the tears, let alone get on it to ride this wave again...

My daughter is home tomorrow, i have to hold it together for her so that will help. Ive also made a drs appointment for the breathing and throat thing and to see if anything is underlying or if its the anxiety. Im hoping

Sorry. I just need to blog this out. I need to get back to where I was previously. I am just exhausted

Hey everyone.

I logged in today to find that im 160 days smoke free. WOW 160 DAYS, who would have thought that was doable. Definitaley not me. 

So, After almost 6 weeks since ' upgrading' my broadband and completely losing my service a temporary 4g router arrived yesterday and is actually working, so i am finally back on line. Its been interesting not having internet in my life for a while and lets not even talk about my levels of frustration having to deal with such a completely incompetitant service provider who tell me i have been incredibly unlucky, as some people have a problem with one bit of their service, not many have problems at every single stage of their dreadful process . Needlesss to say I have an Executive escalations manager now looking after my ' case'. How mad is that for something so basic. And breathe . And Sigh :-)

Now more importantly, progress on my quit. 

Im back at work and not being tempted by the smoking breaks. I try hard to avoid people who smoke now as I find the smell quite vile on them, it catches in my throat.  I was worried about my journey to and from work as I used to smoke alot whilst I drove but not been tempted at all. I open the window wide and just breath lung fulls of fresh air.

My physical craves have virtually disappeared, i get the odd one but it does tend to pass fairly quickly and doesnt have the intensity that it used to. I can ALWAYs track it back using HALT and simply deal with the cause and hey presto its gone.

Ive stopped obsessing about smoking or not smoking, i ve even stopped telling everyone that i gave up :-). Realised i was becoming one of those ex smoker bores i used to hate when i smoked.

The one area im going to have to watch VERY carefully are the sneaky smoking thoughts that pop into my head trying to trip me up. They dont happen often but just a fleeting, i might just hold one and suck it without lighting it to prove im over the desire. BUT IM NOT FALLING FOR IT. And then its gone again and I move on

So life has moved forwards positively for me and im looking forwards to finding out how everyone else have been getting on 



Day 145 and feeling strong

Posted by Nix Sep 24, 2016
Hey everyone. I'm still around but still have limited broadband so can't visit much. I'm also back at work full time which is a bit of a shock to the system. I am very happy to report that I am definitely well and truly out the other side of nml. Woohoo oo. That last huge ugly wave went and the calm waters remain. I can truthfully say I feel so so much better, it's like someone flicked a switch and the intensity of the craves lowered to almost zero. I am so glad I stuck with this.
Hi all. Thank you for your support yesterday. Someone here described craves like surfing. Wow, that was a whopper wave yesterday and i didnt know how far it had left to go until it crashed down again. I got really really hungry last night afer reaching crisis point where i thought i would scream, and had a great meal and then slept for 11 hours and have woken today and the waters are calm and flat again. Im relaxed, calm and all is well with my world!! Part of this may be that im going back to work tomorrow, so we will see how that affects the crave waves