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A Good Pun Is It's Own Re-Word

Mike.n.Atlanta
3 6 114

My last two blogs were kinda dark so I just want to lighten things up a little.

* Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.


* A pessimist's blood type is always B-negative.


* Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.


* A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.


* Shotgun wedding: a case of wife or death.


* I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.


* Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.


* A hangover is the wrath of grapes.


* Corduroy pillows are making headlines.


* Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?


* Sea captains don't like crew cuts.


* Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?


* A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.


* Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.


* A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.


* Without geometry, life is pointless.


* When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.


* Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.


* A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.


* Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.


* When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.


* A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.


* What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)


* A backwards poet writes inverse.

 

* In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.

 

* A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.


* If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.


* With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.


* Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.


* When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.


* The man who fell into an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.


* A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in linoleum blown apart.


* You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.


* Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.


* He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.


* Every calendar's days are numbered.


* A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.


* A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.


* He had a photographic memory that was never developed.


* The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.


* Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.


* Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.


* When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.


* Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.


* Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.


* Acupuncture is a jab well done.

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About the Author
I began this quit journey on October 1, 2004. I'm not doing it for my wife or children nor in memory of the many family members or friends I have lost due to this addiction. I'm doing it for Mike. "The only real threat to your quit is between your ears" ~ Me "A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor" ~ English proverb "A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trial" ~ Chinese proverb I'd rather be a non-smoker who thinks about smoking once in awhile, than a smoker who's always thinking about quitting" ~ Anonymous ~