Skip navigation
All People > Mandolinrain > Mandolinrain Blog > 2019 > September
2019
Mandolinrain

More complicated

Posted by Mandolinrain Sep 27, 2019

They say it happens 3's. WHO are 'They',??? I' d like to have a word with them.

 

As though things can't be tuff enough, our daughter in laws mom, who is very dear to us, may have her cancer battle back. We are waiting 'word' from biopsy yesterday. She's a triple negative breast cancer survivor , the  Answers in 3-5days. Triple negative by the way, in regards to breast cancer , is ultimate worst.

 

Our cousin died a day ago. Her hubby and mine are partners in family business. Only 67. heart. Never smoked. very sudden. Next week calling hours' funeral on Thursday. We are all yet in shock. EXTREME shock

 

Mother in-law , 94 in/out hospital with congestive heart failure.

My Mom, 90, well lets just say....things now going south with her.... In more ways than you can even imagine.

 

Me....I am well, well sorta. Just trying to support everyone else. Watching grandkids, hosting family. Decided I needed tor reach out for some help. So starting some therapy October 8th....Christian based , Long overdue for issues I have 'stuffed' for years. Better late than never eh? Me hearts been hurting more than ever from past incidents and its time to address it. I only mention it because, we can all gain from admitting weakness and getting help. No matter who we are, where we have been...yadda yadda yadda.

 

Not gonna smoke over it though. No way. I would have thought about 5 years ago, Would have been an excuse to smoke, yes? I always had an excuse to smoke back then. Always. Best now to look at what the excuse would be ahead of time and deal with it, yes? Me thinks so.

 

So anyway, more family arrived this evening. I am going to bed. Just had the twins here for past 2 days and I am exhausted. Workout? Whats that? I will leet you borrow the twins for 2 days and believe me,,,,,it's a hell of a workout....Enjoyable one though  I love them so much !

Double header baseball game to enjoy in morning for grandson. Can't wait. He had a grand slam last week and he only almost 10.  Company here now till a week from today. Crazy week ahead with familes kids stay here that I will watch night of calling hours and funeral. So I will not be online much my friends, or painting, or doing much else.

 

Time will pass and I will be back to be part of this amazing family. For you who are new, welcome. Stay near this site, as the support is like non other than you can ever hope for. I am sorry to be absent now, but can't be helped. I miss you all and I will be back as soon as I can. My sincere apologies for not being supportive and active recently. I lift all of you up everynght in my prayers, even the newbies, who I have not yet met,...Yur all near my heart, always.

 

Love Missy

So I have just returned from walk in clinic and have upper respiratory infection and was given ZPAC and Zofran for nausea. Im just worn out.

I had to laugh when I saw all the moderation going on, on the site and thought of this title.  Really not much to say. Im just whipped.  Snuggled with my Dobie boy on sofa and 'zzzzzzzzzz'.

 

Behave, Be patient.....

Don't smoke-vape-chew.  Everything in moderation except those things. 

 

Me eyes even hurt. N.O.P.E.

Unless you have decided your not worth it...or your family members are not worth it...or your pets are not worth it...or your friends are not worth it....

 

See , even if you do not realize it, YOUR habit is indirectly hurting them too.

STOP IT

Are you worth it or are they? If so quit making excuses and get busy learning what to do and do it.

 

 

So MIL , it has been decided, will stay at the care facility she is in and we have got her now on the maximum level of care. I was all set to bring her here and then decided, no....I am taking on way to much and I needed to make sure I take care of myself also. I am learning how to say 'No'. About damn time. I love her dearly and I see her nearly everyday, but if she came here I realized I would have to watch her like a hawk 24/7 and I am not able to do that. I felt plenty of guilt over this decision but we think its best, I do too now that I chewed on this awhile. She's 5 minutes away. 

 

Learning how to make better choices. Learning how to say 'no'. Learning how to set boundaries is an area I will always need to pay attention to. I am no good to anyone else if I am burnt out.

 

I have a crappy cold or allergies now. Family still flying in this coming Saturday. I will be fine. I already feel some relief, compliments of Zyrtec and family support that is.

Life is going to punch you smoking or not....so NEVER make the decision to smoke/Vape or chew because of life happening....unless your wanting it all to end.

 

Now isn't this a peachy post  N.O.P.E.

My Mother in Law has CHF , long story short...she's going to be moving in with us next week. She is like a mother to me. She is 94.

Spent most of yesterday n ER with her and she's declining rapidly.

 

 FYI....I will be away from site till we get her moved in late next week.

 

Prayers appreciated, stressful time but we know and feel, it's the right thing to do. Since I am college grad surgical asst, ( retired) , I know what to do to help her and she won't be alone.

 

I will paint as I keep her company and we will enjoy listening to Vivaldi together and some other 'greats'. Its a time i cannot get back so I need to do this. Meanwhile I will share some paintings as this is ongoing but probably not much activity on site otherwise. Love to all . I WILL get back once we are settled.

xoxoMissy

 

 

Wanted to add: When life gets complicated , I think of these songs by Jason Mraz....they ALWAYS lift me up and I come full circle on why I do what I do and why I am who I am. It matters, YOU matter ....WE ALL MATTER.

 

Songs :

1. 93 million miles

2. I won't give up

3. Love is still the answer

 

I'd post the videos but don't know how. Look them up on YOUTUBE., I promise the videos will melt your heart, make you smile and you will understand...you matter

Mandolinrain

5

Posted by Mandolinrain Sep 2, 2019

'Get busy living or get busy dying'.... ( a quote from the movie 'Shawshank Redemption' )....pretty much sums up WHY I quit smoking. If you would have told me 5 years ago  I would make it to a 5 years in my quit, I would not have believed you. I had, had more failed attempts than i have fingers and toes.

 

 

I knew friends who quit and managed but I just had a terrible time. It was the one thing I wanted more than anything yet it felt so unobtainable, at least thats what I told myself…as as we all know…IF you feed yourself nothing but the negative you soon will believe it to be true. Until for me........

I read Carrs book and hooked up here on this site.

 I was a stubborn student. I needed to do everything you all suggested MY WAY first . Rather painful way to go about quitting and I don’t recommend it.

 

I  remember watching former smokers I knew personally, enjoy a nice dinner at a gathering and never needing to excuse themselves, as I still had to because I also had to feed my addiction to Nicotine.. I was envious. I really wanted what they had. I just didnt understand the connection about how our brains receptors wake up each time we inhaled and it was setting me up, unknowingly for the next smoke. When I understood the concept it was a game changer for me.

I finally grasped it, with this site and Carrs book. It took a couple times, but that book did stir me into the right direction, so for me, it helped.

 

Honestly , for my successful quit, God gets the credit.  I know after many prayers and tears, He is the one responsible for putting all of you into my life ….a lamp /light to my path leading me all the time. It was not until I totally gave Hm my situation and realize I could not do this without Him nor did I want to.  I needed Him to do for me what I could not do for myself, so I surrendered. This site was where HE planted me and like any new plant…I grew.  Over time, my roots developed here. My Elders watered me and they pruned me when my stubbornness  showed up, they were patient, yet firm and always thoughtful.So yes, I give all the credit to God first then all my Elders here and even the Newbies have played a role in my continued growth and quit and for all of you, I ever so grateful.

 

I understand now WHY theres so many different ways to quit that work.  We all have a story to share and although mine may not match yours, it will eventually catch the attention of someone else who relates to me. So THAT, to me, is why it was never My timing , but His.

 

Anyway, I am here to stay to share my journey with whomever wants to listen. If I help one person, so be it. Every person who comes to EX is worth while saving from this horrid addiction. 

Being active on this site is my BOOSTER SHOT and helps me remain accountable and allows me to reach out and help others as I have been helped.

 

 

BOTTOM LINE FOR ME:

This site with all of your support~The book by Alan Carr -Vicks Vapor Rub and above all , my continued relationship with God….is what I credit the success with MY quit.

 

THIS is what worked for me. Don't assume MY PLAN will be your success. There are many many good plans on this site by fellow Exers who have beautiful quits as a result of THEIR PLAN. EXPLORE THEM ALL. You will find one that works for you. I can only share what worked for me. Maybe a 'little bit of this or a little bit of that' but you WILL find the answers if you are dedicated enough to take what you need and leave the rest. ACCEPT that we all have the same goal with perhaps different avenues to arrive at being nicotine free. We are all just sharing our journeys and are only suggesting what MAY help you makes your's easier.

AND FOR ME....thats is whats behind the words "Take what you need and leave the rest"

 

God Bless~ Thanks for being an important part of my journey, my life and my heart.

Missy~ 5 years Nicotine free today 9-2-14

 

 

PS: Grandkids and Hubby are all asleep, I am headed to bed now as well. Knew I would not have time till much later to get on the site if at all. Happy Monday and Labour Day