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All People > Mandolinrain > Mandolinrain Blog > 2019 > July

Song I just wrote called 'BE BRAVE'



I was driving, 

late at night

I thought .......I saw ........everything


But temptation

Challenged me

And I fell for it….again


I tried

To leave them behind

Never look back them


I cried 

Never denied

They were the best thing then



Lying to myself

Is what it came down to

Lying to yourself

Will soon catch to you


I ‘ve learned

They never solved

A sol.....itary thing


And I’ve come

To undestand

They don’t do a good  damn thing…..


To help me

Or my health

My love ............or my strife


The only thing

They’re good for

Was exiting my life



Lying to yourself

That's what it  came down to

Lying to yourself 

Will soon catch up to you….



I’m free now

Four years, 

In September........, it will be 5


I’ve struggled 

With good and bad 

And yet I have,.......... survived


Don’t tell me

You can’t do it .....

You can’t hold your own


I’ve been though it

Reach out to us

We can lead you home


( Chorus)

Lyin myself

Is  what it came down  to

Lying to yourself 

Will soon catch up to you



If you

Are in a bad spot

Your thinking can’t hold out


Come here

Type it out, 

Give us....... a shout


Be brave

Say no your not…

Not gonna....... light it up


Feel strong

The days that you’ve one

You will not give up_______________________________


Thats how we do it folks goodnight all :)


Low Dose CT Scan

Posted by Mandolinrain Jul 19, 2019

Happy to say was uneventful, for me


A week ago Wednesday, ( and I never shared this because, well, I just didn't) I was on my way to work and began having chest pains in the car/truck, whatever you call a Tahoe....anyway by the time I got to work and walked up the hill to where I work I was really hurting and out of breath. My co-workers said I looked 'gray'. Anyway, My boss drove me to ER, because they thought I was having a heart attack, and I thought I was too. I had pain in the center of my sternum, behind mu left scapula and into my neck and jaw.


 After CT  scan  ......It was the Linx device. NOT heart. While they did scan , they checked lungs. Lungs clear. One very small nodule, perfectly round, they will watch but not concerned because it is perfectly round and tiny, below what they can even biopsy. It is probably a cyst and I have a large history of cyst.


SO....LINX device that I had implanted last December is fine, still doing its job. but unfortunately one of the side effects is esophageal Spasm which is what that was and it mimics a heart attack. Great. I had heard they were a possibility but I figured I was a lucky dog since its been so long since surgery. Not so. I was told it could happen for 1-3 years post surgery. Yay me.


HOWEVER, no lung cancers, YAY ME! I highly recommend getting the scan. Worth the peace of mind


I am okay, by the way. Just have to go to a ER whenever I have this spasm due to it cannot be diagnosed as a spasm vs heart attack without EKG. That Stinks. I have a huge family history of heart attacks/stroke with both maternal grandparents and my Mom.


I'm good to go for now though

Many Congrats to you Ralph1955


Is was for me,

so how was it for you???

 I had to leave them cold. I had to re-learn many things, stress was at the top, how to 'DEAL' with people-places and things without them.

And NOPE, my friends and family did NOT approve of them at at all. I was the only one who say anything  there to love about them. Now  I call that deception. They had me HOOK-LINE and SINKER.

Getting over them was hard to do ,but doable. Finding this Site and these fabulous people who had already been through where I was headed was KEY. They understood me and my crazy thoughts.


 Anytime you want to learn something , you follow through. You buckle down and get busy getting on with it. You quit making excuses and learn. You FIRST understand and LEARN about what your getting yourself into. You PREPARE. You buy the essential books or material and hook up with someone who has EXPERIENCE to teach you.


It becomes a choice and thats why we talk about choices and excuses so much on here. Make your choices with a clear head-and an educated mind. It will serve you well.

Back to Coffee now


Bluegrass and Camping

Posted by Mandolinrain Jul 12, 2019

Feeling very grateful today......

Twins napping so I have some time to type….They go home when they wake up and I could wait and post then, but I have a date with my garden



Have not been camping in a long while. Used to do this very often and took the horses along, running a picket line and tying up straw to keep them occupied after a long day on the trail ,as the we would go off and explore the musical variety and enjoy the sounds of many fiddles, mandos, Bass, banjos…well you get the idea. while even stopping to ‘jam along’ as many festivals promote.or kicking up our heels on flat boards to jig along to the tunes.


Anyway this trip ( last week )  was not like any bluegrass festival I have ever attended and I have attended a lot…but this one…not one sighting of a smoker or scent lingering anywhere. It was awesome.

I recall ALWAYS making it a priority to have my own supply well stocked and packed as well as waterproof matches because God forbid my lighter would not work or it would rain.


It did rain one night after we returned to camp but I slept well and it was SO NICE! I did not wake up stinky except for campfire lingering in my hair which I love the smell of.  What a great long walk around the resivour  where we camped and enjoyed the beautiful colors of all the wild flowers spring up n the banks. Soft hints of music somewhere off in a distance, muted. ( A few early morning jammers) Not once did I have an urge to smoke. 


Life is newly being admired by me in new ways as I find the smokes no longer play any part of it. I dont depend on them or need to re-arrange my plans because of the NEED to smoke. That in itself is a pleasure…a gift.


I thank all of you who have walked before me and led the way. 


It truly is a new kind of freedom and when you recognize that freedom growing in your quit, it’s s beautiful thing, and while I feel I have ‘arrived’ on the other side , I know I will always need to remain vigilant.  I truly appreciate life as a non-smoker, 


So anyway, I didn’t ‘ruff it’ this time. We slept in a camper this time, not a tent. No horses came along therefore much of the workload was lighter. I didnt have to worry if I had matches except to start a campfire and I certainly didnt need to wonder if I would run out of smokes. Life is good, who knew it could be this uncomplicated. :)


Thanks everyone, because ALL of you have played an important part of my continued smoke free life, newbies and Elders. You are all gifts. :)

Love you all~respect you all so much!


I QUIT because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired


I QUIT because I hated the way my hair smelled and I smelled and my breath smelled


I QUIT because health issues started flaring up


I FAILED because I thought I could quit anytime ( wow.thats genius )


I FAILED because I made crappy choices


I FAILED because I didn't 'Get it' ( understand the theory behind addiction)


I OVERCAME by the grace of God, 'Letting go and Letting God' do 'in me' what I could not do


I OVERCAME because I took the time to understand the beast, educate myself on addiction


I OVERCAME because I reached out to this site for help and actually APPLIED what Elders were teaching 



I have more to share but I am to tired. Know this....We ALL have a different path to our sobriety from smoking. Some folks take the long way around the mountain , some short. My belief is , that it happens for a reason. We all have life lessons to learn and what brings us all around to same point is the same beautiful be advised....from me anyway, you WILL reach your destiny just as it is expected of you and the more time you put into exploring the journey, the sooner you will arrive.  


Life is still hard at times on 'the other side' but I promise you...its coming ( those hard times) no matter if you smoke or not. I am grateful to be able now to manage those times without the crutch of a smoke. They were only a 'instant gratification sprinkled with  reality ratification' the moment, it felt good, but the 'situation'  was still present.


Can you say 'Wake up call"


New day at zoo

Posted by Mandolinrain Jul 1, 2019

Took grandkids to zoo and waterpark today. Short post as I am exhausted. 93 degrees. Not one 'smoker sighting'. 

Happy Day! I recall I HAD TO HAVE A SMOKE BREAK, when our kids were young. Geese, Im glad not to have to do that anymore. Going to bed and dying...seriously, I am SO TIRED!