I keep wondering when things are gonna slow down.
Yet, I am making a decision to NOT SMOKE, no matter what.
I figure everything going on in my life has a purpose and I suspect in yours as well.
I have been taking care if elderly Mother in law, many Dr. Appts and ER visits with her as of recent~Grandchildren~ My my own mothers needs ( she's 89~ recent death of the man who was my Father, who was not in my life ( his choice , he adopted me out at very early age) but still.....
Trying to read posts with on eye, because right eye is still blurry and inconsistent.
Today I worked at Hospice and an Elderly woman who works with us became ill, so I drove her home and she broke down in tears and needs help finding a new living situation and I am feeling horrible knowing its not my place, but I do want to help her, yet I am very consumed right now with my own family.
Yadda-yadda yadda and to tell you this....no matter how bad I think I have it, I can be sure someone else is n much more need of prayer and help than me.
So I leave you all with this tonight. I am not smoking and frankly the thought had occurred to me today ONCE. I did recognize the pull right away and was reminded of the territory it would pull me back into should I cave. No way. I am dog tired and I need to go to bed. Tomorrow more appts I have to take Mother too. But then I thought of this:
The ones here who are ALSO going through battles and loses, Thomas, Barb, Gwenivere, Anaussiemom, Strudle, Ellen,....and many others not noted here....see we are not alone.
While my battle right now isn't perhaps your battle, these battles will always come and go so long as I breath in air. Smoking or not. Battles will come. Some will drain us temporarily, while some leave us numb for months to follow.
Its important to recognize we all have our own healing times and to be patient with each other and to also recognize, we all have different histories that can make our battle sos unique to each of us, as we are truly 'Unique' and worthy.
I dunno, I think I am rambling here. But this is such a great place to bleed your heart when you need to. Some folks get me some don't. God 'gets me, so I am okay with that. As I told a dear Elder friend recently, sometimes its easier to unload to people you have never met than it is to the ones you have always known.
Not that I am unloading. I am just so tired physically and mentally so I am going to bed early.
I believe the point I am trying to relay in this sloppy post is this : Life happens and always will. The choice to smoke over 'LIFE', will always present an option.
Taking the high road and 'optioning out to NOT smoke' over any given situation is the choice I am making. It was damn hard my first year, I will not lie....but I stuck it out.
It's EASY to say screw it, and smoke. What comes easy won't last....what lasts, won't come easy.
I feel better already. Just remember, theres ALWAYS another person who has it worse than you. Go help that person. In doing so...you help yourself.
Look for the Blessings you DO have and make that your focus.....that and seeing how you can Bless another soul. Your choices will improve if you do, I promise.
Good grief and good night!