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All People > Mandolinrain > Mandolinrain Blog > 2018 > May

Storms on the way

Posted by Mandolinrain May 31, 2018

I can see it coming. The sky getting darker as I sit here typing. You can hear the low rumble far off in a distance. Even the stillness is beginning with the wildlife out in our woods as they hunker down waiting for it to pass.


My quit has been like that. Not so much now, but certainly at the beginning.


Hard days are surely going to address all of us at any given time in our life. As far as quitting goes though, we need to be prepared for the Storms.


The good news is, the storms WILL PASS. The sky will clear and the air will smell so fresh....thats you...stepping past the storm and making break for the sunshine, the cleaner air. Your senses coming alive and the gratification of knowing YOU did it. YOU waited the storm out and came out free on the other side.


Wherever you are in your quit journey.....know that the peace that comes after the storm is beautiful...and you will get to that point. I promise. As difficult as is is now...just think of it as your body fighting off the toxins and imagine yourself winning.


When you feel or see the signs of a Storm in your ( don't walk) for cover. Come to Ex. Come to your toolbox. We will protect you with all that we just have to trust us let us. We made it through because others here helped us. Now let us help you.


Have a beautiful smoke free day

Hey...the suns out!


Make your choices wisely.

Load yourself with all of the knowledge you can muster

So you understand why you are where you are now


 How to get to where you want to be.


Don't walk into your quit Blind.

Be prepared.....

And if you already started your quit and your feeling lost

It's never to late to:





Your History does NOT need to be your Destiny.


are not going to dictate your quit

Only YOU have that power.


It's yours for the taking

Today we took a drive to pay respects at the cemetery, family members and friends.


I used to take long power walks through the cemetery, it was hilly and very beautiful. There was this one little road I used to walk by. A young man, a soldier was buried there. He was only 19 when he died over in Iraq. I had read somewhere about leaving a penny at the tombstone to show you visited the grave. So everyday the summer before last I left quite a few pennies.

Anyway, One day when I went by to pay my respects and all of the penny were still there. I left another one. Just as I was leaving his Father pulled up and had tears in his eyes. He said he watched me approach his sons grave and leave the penny. He always wondered who had done that and he thanked me. We spoke awhile and I thanked him for sharing Andrews story.


That was a year ago. Today I left 2 new penny's at Andrews...ALL of the other penny are still there and today I even noticed a couple nickels. I even walked over and left some penny at some other soldier graves


I thought I would share this :

A coin left on a headstone or at the grave site is meant as a message to the deceased soldier’s family that someone else has visited the grave to pay respect. Leaving a penny at the grave means simply that you visited.

A nickel indicates that you and the deceased trained at boot camp together, while a dime means you served with him in some capacity. By leaving a quarter at the grave, you are telling the family that you were with the soldier when he was killed.


Perhaps you already knew of this tradition, maybe not....but its not to late to go to a cemetery today and pay your respects. The soldiers family will appreciate it. I know Andrews did.

God Bless



Thank you and God Bless

Ellen elvan messaged me a bit ago and asked me to let everyone know her computer has died.


She has her hubby looking at it to try to fix it. Meanwhile, she needs prayers as well, I think.


She's suffering a terrible headache and has to work tomorrow. I honestly don't know how she does it. Times are hard for her. Please lift her up in prayers. Her hubby Mike's Blood Pressure is also on the rise and his meds have been increased. He also needs prayers. Her daughter is there now and she is enjoying time with her.


I will keep in touch with her and update when ever I can. I am going to see if I can get my Moms laptop to send to her. We need Ellen online! My Mom was going to get rid of it anyway, I hope she still has it. Or if anyone has one......Let me know.


Happy Memorial Weekend everyone, stay safe! Drinking has ruined a lot of quits...I know Nancy Youngatheart.7.4.12, who I also need to touch base with, would want me to pass that on as well.


This is to good not to be shared. I hope she does not mind, Lisaml, this is her comment from a recent post.

This is for ALL OF US!


Thanks! Me, too.. 

these relapses really get under  skin. I can literally echo what people say, tweak it a little, and mentally consider my OWN relapse post.


its abundantly clear. We are birds of a feather. We could literally echo eachother. 

Today I felt (weak, hurt, angry, stressed.....) 

I couldn’t cope with the (insurance, inlaws, inbreeding,) 

i thought if I could just have ONE .....

i just needed some relief for today...



its the same for all of us.  Because it’s a terrible addiction that preys on people who need to (stuff emotions/cope/deal with too much) 


Beloved friends, there are days when we think we have reached the tipping point. But we don’t. We gather it all up and do it again tomorrow. Because smoking will only make everything exponentially worse. We KNOW this to be true. Please, please muster up all your courage, strength and arm yourself with the truth about this addiction. 


If you relapse, don’t continue it with the promise to “get back to it”. Get back to it NOW. That next cig might be the one to trigger your lung cancer. And if you “slip”? Don’t continue to slip. Own it, and get rid of the other 19 cigs in the pack. Otherwise it’s not a slip. Listen to the elders. They KNOW how to do it. And we all want what they have ;-)

This is not directed at one person. This is literally ALL of us. We are all in this together, and we are all holding eachother up. 

So get back up, please. We are counting on you!!!

Helpful YesNoLiked1Reply

When I quit smoking I was concerned my biggest fear was getting cancer and missing the social aspect of smoking. Now when I look back I see how stupid that was. A social aspect. Really?


When we would go out wth friends I had to slip away before-during-after meals or at functions to 'go -smoke'. Sure I had a few other friends who we slipped away together...but I really wanted the freedom the others who didn't smoke had. I was chained to these cigarettes. I had no control over them.


I also used them as a stress blanket. I felt I could not be comforted without them. They were always there for me. I even had to have a cigarette to make decisions. Yet I yearned to be free of them at the same time. They were a companion to me in many ways. They were also my worst enemy.


This site taught me what non smokers already know. That ALL of these things are achievable without smoking....after all they do it everyday. Now I do too. I'm a sensitive kind of gal, it's just who I am. I make no excuses and don't care to change that about me. God made me that way. I DID want to quit smoking and I did. I was scared and worried I would never be able to handle anything without them. Yet here I am, by the Grace of God and this site and all of you.


I'm still a sensitive kind of girl but I manage just fine without the smokes...a bit over 3 years now.


Nicotine addiction does not care about our background. Our status, educational level, emotional staus, color of skin, your condition, friends, family. Period. It only helps all the tobacco companies get wealthy at our expense.


Ask yourself , what exactly are YOU giving up and maybe you will see the deception on your back. People in Alcoholics Anonymous have a saying...they say Alcohol is cunning, powerful and baffling....I think Nicotine is right there with that. 

Nicotine is cunning powerful and baffling. What are you giving up? Really?



Posted by Mandolinrain May 11, 2018

Last one today, I promise. I'm on a roll I guess. Going to bed now... Just wrote this and decided share Goodnight, sweet dreams my beloved friends at EX AND, FYI...I did not lose my quit. Just relating memories from failed PAST quits.

Where did it go
I lost it yesterday
it was right here next to me
Yet i let to slip away


i was not paying attention
I forgot that it was here
How could I lose something so precious
Something so very dear


i lost it yesterday
i thought that you should know
How horrible it felt
When i let MY quit go


i don’t want you to experience
The pain I just went through
So be forever warned
what it will do to you


You will feel a sadness
An unexplainable realm of fear
You question yourself, if your able
As to HOW YOU got to here


The wisdom that used to get you
Just this far
Will feel just as far away
As every other star,


However it leaves you
This you must know…
Falling stars have landings
That lead you where to go

Falls happen for a reason,
A lesson, you may need
Hurting just little
As they plant a brand new seed

So your starting over
Theres no shame in that
However many times it takes
For the wisdom to stay intact

We have all walked before you
We understand where you come from
Let us help you with the burdens,
Together, we have won

I had a strong urge to write this one tonight as well


Believe in yourself


Too often we look up to someone else for that belief ...but what if...

What if YOU Believe in You?

It is not selfish to want something thats good for your body

It is not selfish to desire freedom from nicotine 


Quitting smoking

Losing weight

Being a better : Spouse-friend-individual



I really felt compelled to write this.

Someone , needed it tonight.





You Can Do this and many other things.

Expect it...BELIEVE IT






NOW ( As NIKE  says...)



WE at EX...Believe in You


Pain comes to us in different forms. Actual Physical Pain, Mental Pain, Emotional Pain....we have all experienced them on some level and most likely we will again.


I want you to look at it in a different light today as it reflects the discomfort you are having quitting smoking/tobacco.


Pain is part of the process ( looking at it a bit differently )...but the end product should you decide to work through this pain will bring about a New Birth, so to speak.


Look at a Baby in the Mothers womb. He/she feels so protected there. All their needs are being taken care of. Then comes the discomfort...the 'push' or 'Crave' if you comes and it goes. Sometimes along time, sometimes a short time. Followed by the birth. 


And its a beautiful thing. So will be your quit...if you PUSH through the pain.



Quitting Lasts forever considering YOU continue to PUSH as needed. Thats PRN ( As necessary ) for anyone who has a medical background.

You can do. PUSH!


When you feel unworthy

Posted by Mandolinrain May 8, 2018

You could smoke over it. I used to.



When I felt unappreciated. When you work so hard to say the right things, take time to listen, take extra time to volunteer  to help a good cause. person can make you feel it was all for nothing. Never noticed...or perhaps did but left you to feel unworthy. Especially if this person runs the show, so to speak.


I could leave. Thats always an option. I could stay and stick it out because I know my value is more than apparently what this person thinks of me. 



I'm not here for that person. I am here first for me then for all the people who have successful quits and for those who are trying to maintain their quit and for those who are treading the waters to quit. I remain here for them...and myself.


For now...


It was tempting though.... I came close to leaving over one persons view of me, or rather APPARENT view. I admit to reading between the lines, but I can read.


I have had an extremely full plate recently. So I am sorry if I just don't measure up here right now. I'm doing the best I can and somedays hanging on by a thread


BUT~I'm not smoking over it. I continue to be helpful here when I can.


Note: Since writing this, I have worked it out and am fine. Was partially a 'misunderstanding'. My apologies for my 'over-reaction'. I am over-extended and plum worn out. I am not leaving Ex. Hey, we all have our days and this was mine. I reacted out of plan old,need some sleep' which I intend to do now. Thanks EX Family for the love. YOU all are important to me. Thank you.


I also closed the comments. New Day...I'm over my silly self now. Have a great DAY and N.O.P.E.

Today I admitted my mother in law to a rehab center per Doctors orders. Because her daughters are in CA., my husband and I do most of the care for her , although she reside at a assisted living center. Long story short, she was given some meds that did not agree with her and caused her an extreme personality change, hallucinations and confusion. She is almost 93 in a couple weeks. She now finally in her right mind but she's at rehab  to help her with balance issues. We are hoping she will only have to be there one-2 weeks max.


She has 7 children. 3 daughters and 4 sons. three that are triplets. Her husband passed 39 years ago and she remained unmarried. Loyal to the Catholic church, she has been such a strong influence in my own life and she is more like a Mother than a Mother-in-law.

 Only has 3 of her sons here in this area. Everyone else is out n CA. Next Tuesday, the 3 girls are coming here to stay with us for one week to visit and spend time with their Mom. Heres my question:


Do you think it would be to hard or weird for me to ask my Mother-in-law to write a personal letter to each of her children that they could have and cherish after she's 'gone'? I thought it might be a neat thing for her to work on while she's at this care center. She keeps saying how she wishes she could just die. Its heartbreaking for me to hear. Am I out of line to ask this of her? I appreciate any advise. I thought about a video message but then I thought may be she would want to be more private. What do you think?



Posted by Mandolinrain May 5, 2018

Not a fan. Know too much about the prep of these majestic animals. Hate it actually.

Raining today for Derby, not good. Feel bad for these horses. Dangerous conditions. UGH! If only non -horse people knew.....they just glorify those stupid hats and forget about whats happening on the track. Sorry had to vent