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All People > Mandolinrain > Mandolinrain Blog > 2018 > April

Hitting a Wall

Posted by Mandolinrain Apr 27, 2018

We have all had it happen. You have a good momentum going then you are slammed with ~

Fear- Insecurity Panic- Anxiousness- Grief- Worry- Pain




For some people early in their quit it can be enough to push you over the edge and run out to buy cigarettes to sooth your uncomfortable situation. It was a way of self medicating for me. Smoking. 


Hitting the wall is normal. It could be that it is your body telling you to slow down. Our perhaps to just be still. Listen. Pray ( if your a praying person) or meditate on things that are positive. This a list and prayer time for me, when I hit a wall. I love to write so~ I write out my thoughts. It does help me to see through what all is going on. I sometimes have written a letter to myself...advising  as though it were someone else...what wouldI tell them?


Smoking is not an option. It won't change anything other than giving me another Day 1. Have no desire to relive that again.


Sometimes we just have to 'go through'. Its okay to feel sad, bad, mad.....

Peace and Joy. This are the 2 things I try to obtain daily. Life happens and things can throw us into a wall. My peace and joy get stuck on the other side.

And yet , here is that saying again......

The walls sometimes draw me close to God. Sometimes I feel HE uses those walls to do just see if I wall be patient enough to lean on HIM and go on through the wall. Pushing with all my might sometimes.


One day at a time, One hour at a time or one second at a time.

However you do it

Remember whats on the other side

Remove those brinks one at a time.

Your answers~

 Peace and Joy

Await you

 just on the other side.



See (Visualize) yourself as a non-smoker..think it through...what do you look like? How do you feel not being dependent on the smokes?


See yourself,free. Meditate on that...then BELIEVE IT.


Believe it can be true for you, because it can be.


Don't waste precious words saying "I can't do it, " SPEAK POSITIVE WORDS about you and your quit. 



Do this daily. YOU are worth the effort! YOU are a non-smoker.

YOU are free


So we have all been there, done that.


The view is always  the same...until you change it.....


I smoked for well over 30 years. I quit numerous times. So how did I finally break the addiction? I quit doing what I always doing.


I always wanted to be a non-smoker as a smoker, haha. Go Figure. You know what I do or did too.


Sure I used many weapons ( NRT's) and  what I have learned is they become BETTER weapons when they are paired with KNOWLEDGE. 

Cold Turkey....same. You want to defeat this addiction you better understand the beast. Period. Theres just no way around it. NRT/COLD TURKEY...YOU STILL HAVE TO DO THE WORK, NO PRIZE FOR WHATEVER WAY YOU PICK TO QUIT.


To finish this race you must be prepared. To be prepared, you must understand the enemy ( Nicotine ). To understand the enemy, you must educate yourself...listen-learn and be willing to walk through some very uncomfortable times to get away from what you have always

 You must change it up. NRT or NOT.


That may help you in other areas as well. 


Just sayin'......





No more Excuses

Just do it












I am very blessed  It does not get much better than this. These kids have a smokeless Nana. Amen

I see it almost everyday driving back and forth to our sons to watch the twins.

Sometime very obvious sometimes...well you know its there, just taking it's time to build.


I had a taste of it myself today, but not on the highway. I was on the other end of a conversation that made me feel as though I was the subservient  and anger began to build...oh, so silently...quietly...and by the time I got home, after dwelling on it for an hour drive...I opened up to my better half.


He is wise and patient, not like me,who is very gullible , inpatient and reactive. HOWEVER...I am a work in progress and today as I shared my dilemma, I was able to slow down my thought process and...WELLA...I had become WISE!


I bring this up because when I was a smoker , ALL decisions had to be made when I SMOKED. My brain NEEDED the nicotine to process anything and everything.


Here I am closing in on 4 years quit in September and am finally 'getting it'.

It takes time, more for others I guess, like me. I did everything with a cigarette, decisions, decisions....


I was really upset when I got home but instead of allowing a full blown rage, I calmed myself down, talked to my husband and came to the conclusion that no, I was not unreasonable and I was within my rights ( regarding the situation).


I never thought of smoking over it and I am at peace now.This peace is for you as well. Take time to process, when your new in your quit and something upsets you. You don't have to account for anything that very minute. Allow yourself to feel, grieve and cry of you need to. Others can wait for your when your good and ready. Put yourself first and take care of you  Hope this helps someone.


Allow it to heal


Netflix favorites

Posted by Mandolinrain Apr 13, 2018

The Crown

Once upon a time

 Peaky Blinders

The Land Girls


Need some idea for new shows,...... Anyone seen Gilmore Girls? Hubby liked Peaky trying town  another one HE will like we can watch together. Im more of a land girl kinda movie

I guess that is how some feel today. The pic is from our backyard a few weeks ago. Today was actually very warm and sunny for a change, but that too is changing....back to snow Monday.


That reminded me of my quit. Thus why I write tonight.



I had good days and bad days. I experienced times I thought the worst was over then, bammm. My total day stunk. Everything that could go wrong, went wrong.The sun was out, all looked promising then came the clouds followed by rain. The is why it is so important you prepare ahead for the storms rain, bad days. Period.


Those days are normal and we that have some time under our belts have ALL gone over them under them and around them...bear hunt...remember?...


Stay the course. I promise the freedom is so worth it, smoking is the last thing I desire anymore and I swear to you, I NEVER thought I would have this freedom, or this feeling.  

What a blessing. Have a wonderful weekend everyone!






Relax and pick

Posted by Mandolinrain Apr 11, 2018

It has been nearly 6 and a half months since I picked up my Mando due to the move the twins and every other thing going on in and around my life. Tonight I have the house to myself and I'm gonna pick! I may pick till midnight!


It relaxes my mind and my spirit. Hubby is out of town. I got home early today and don't need to leave quite as early in morning...peaceful easy feeling. Just like the Eagles sang it ( we went to their concert this past Sunday night and it was fabulous)!


When I quit smoking almost 4 years ago, 1316 days to be exact..... I really turned to my writing and music more. Keeping my fingers busy. Oh and cleaning house, every nook and cranny. My gardens were pristine. Not one weed ( that I could see ).


My advice is to Relax and pick. (Just not your nose,lol) Learn a new instrument. Learn how to knit, sew, garden, write music, songs, poetry, or a story of your quit. Relax. Take an automotive class and learn about your car, your truck...I'm actually going to do that for the heck of it. May take up welding too... Just learn to relax without smoking. Find a old or new hobby and put your mind and fingers to work. 


 I thought the smokes did it for me, relaxing. They did not. Actually they made me more anxious . My inspiration is music and beautiful words. You have to find your own ...then set off and fly. Be at peace with you and know that while you may have had a rocky start at this quitting can have a peaceful beautiful finish and RELAXING  will take on new meaning in your life.


Time to go relax

peace out 





Throat cancer scare...

Posted by Mandolinrain Apr 6, 2018

As a former smoker of over 30 plus years , you can imagine when I had a recent scare at the DDS that the raised lumps on the back of my throat looked suspicious and needed checked by a ENT. I also have a history of GERD, very common with smokers.


So my throat was to inflamed to pass a endoscope down and I go back June 1st for that...but He did do a  nasal scope and it burned like mad!!! BUT, no cancer was seen. Just a very red sore throat caused by GERD. 

I also have on and off swallowing trouble and ear pain that comes and goes. The ENT I saw was one the the best at Ohio State Wexner Center at the James. He does suspect I may be dealing with Barrets esophagus and therefore the endoscopy in June while my irritation calms down. Barretts can lead to cancer.


I am thankful to be ok and thankful this is all being caught early iF in fact it is even Barrets, which we will know in June.


Meanwhile thanks to all for your kind messages and words. I am blessed beyond measure with all of you wonderful people and your support.


I need a couple days to unwind and rest and will  be back annoying you all and running the train Monday , hahahahaha.


Smokers run a higher risk for Acid reflux, GERD,  Barrets esophagus and Throat Cancer. As I sat in the waiting room scared outta my wits  there were 2 patients waiting to go in. One had his entire tongue had the recognizable incision that goes from ear to ear with a trac tube and NG tube and chest tube. That could have been me. I wanted to vomit. 

We are all at risk.

Stop smoking now...before it puts you at a higher risk...and it  happens to you!

God Bless, see you all Monday!