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2018
Mandolinrain

Velscope...get it done!

Posted by Mandolinrain Mar 28, 2018

Okay, I have battled if I should or should not share this but I think its worth it.

 

2 days ago I went to our new dentist. We recently switched because other one retired. Long story short, part of the new patient exam is a Oral cancer screening done with a Velscope. Well....I have had problems with acid reflux and swallowing for the past year....sore throat and ear pain. Anyway...2 growths were found on back of my throat, one large and one small ...and a swollen lymph node. I can actually feel the growth overtime I swallow and have just become used to it. 

 

So have been sent to Dr. Old at Ohio State. Actually won't see him until next Wednesday. I have no idea if these growths are in fact malignant but am sure of the procedures headed my way to rule things out, because I worked in this very area years ago....when I was still a smoker.

 

I don't have a lot of time to be online as of recent because of watching the twins but I will stop by after next Wednesday and update or at least let someone know to let you all know how things turn out. I had a bad health scare last year and have a bad feeling this is related to it. This lump in my throat, I brought up last year to different Dr. and they never seemed concerned. Enough said there, long story.

 

I never knew the Velscope existed. My DDS told me its rather new and they have caught 2 patients with oral cancer since they have started using it...in early stages. 

 

So now, I am feeling terribly guilty for not following through last year and for being a smoke because IF this is malignant...I did it to myself by smoking.

 

I will have 4 years of not smoking this September. I thought I was maybe safe .

People....please quit if you have not yet quit.

Ask your dentist about Velscope. It is normally free for the first time and $35.00 charge then once yearly.

 

This could very well be nothing at all...or it could be my smoking history catching up with me.

 

So if I am gone awhile, this is why and Easter weekend coming...is hectic cause everyones coming here. I'll drop in when I can and will continue running the Monday Train for now.

Hugs~Missy

Mandolinrain

Knowledge and Choices

Posted by Mandolinrain Mar 26, 2018


The countless hours of dread I used to live in as a smoker
Dreading but wanting the insanity to stop
Knowing the beginning would be painful ( because I had been at the beginning so many times).it hurt…a lot
I gouged myself on this very site. Mostly reading rather than posting.
I was hungry for answers.
Scared of what I had become
What I would become….
Could I even become or feel…peace without the nicotine.
The sleepless nights ......Praying to surrender to sleep
Anger flashes that appeared from nowhere and for no  apparent reason
followed by the shame
Shame for loosing control
They know now , I didn’t mean it.
I had warned them, after all….
I was releasing a demon that was inside
who was about to lose all it had to tie me down
I struggled, I binged on foods to silence my aches, held so deeply inside.
I cried out loud and in silence.
I allowed myself to ‘feel’ the agony
I accepted it and then I let go


Then peace came…
Just when I least expected it
  It will come for you as well
  Each of us on our own time

 

Like a glove it held me close
not to tight
or light
But just enough
I knew
It was over and I won.
Unlike other quits
I knew, this was the one

How, you ask?
Because I ‘knew’
I understood where I was going
I used the map ( this site)
I listened to what my Elders told me 
I engaged in following through with everything I was told to do that would help me.

I have been to the battleground of being a smoker who quit...then it happened
FINALLY

I went in prepared
I researched the enemy ( nicotine)
I had a very good understanding of the deceit and lies and how it affected my brain
I won the war over nicotine
It does not control me anymore
I am free indeed

I will never let go of this freedom
As it has been said…
Freedom isn’t free
It comes with a price
Some pay much more than others
You can use all of the quit smoking aides that are out there if you want…

But nothing will replace knowledge
You will still have to 'go through to get the breakthrough'
No matter what route your choose......

Everyone of us 'went through'

Everyone of us shed tears and/or hurt

 

Now vigilance remains

I am aware of my surroundings at all times

I know what to look for The traps that could lure me back into the depths of addiction 

 

 

For now I hardly even believe I smoked or had the desire. I had smoked for over 30 years.

 

It all boils down to

Knowledge and choices

I started a heavy dose of knowledge and made my choice September 2, 2014

I will always be grateful for this EX Community

My Elders

And especially God...who by His Grace

Guided me here.

 

Goodnight

Mandolinrain

Real quick-heads up

Posted by Mandolinrain Mar 24, 2018

Monday is actually "Make up your own Holiday- Day'

 

So lets have some fun ideas with that day on the Freedom Train Monday. I have mine selected already for that day. You will need to board the train to see it.  See y'all then 

Mandolinrain

Crazy busy continues

Posted by Mandolinrain Mar 24, 2018

I have few minutes, literally to type. Watching 3 and a half month old twins every weekday...and have our almost 2 yr. old grandson napping here now. Little time for self.

 

Just wanted to drop by and say hello. A couple more weeks of this and I hope to be back here on more regular basis.

I tried to reply to posts last week as the girls napped, but that didn't work,lol  Seems theres a reason gals don't have babies at my young age, hahaha. I turn 60 in June. Getting up at 5am and leaving at 6 and not getting home till 6-7pm is starting to tire me.

All in all though,its been wonderful bonding with them. The hour drove everyday down and back was a drag but now I have been listening to siris  xm and getting a healthy dose of some old billy graham during the drive which helps build my faith. I tell you, the highway is getting so busy and people drive crazy. I have a heavy duty Tahoe so I feel safe having more metal surround me, but I sure have seen some craziness out there....and most are talking on their cell phones or texted...not even looking at the road. You have to drive with caution thats for sure. 

 

Got me to thinking....I used to smoke and drive and throw them out the window. I recall pulling over fearing it had blown in the backseat and would catch fire. I sure am glad I don't do that anymore! Stupid. And when I see people smoking and their faces all scrunched up,....it just looks terrible. I may have a bad hear day now and again, but I don't have the scruchy look on my face anymore. Geese!

 

Noticed many new folks....Welcome to Ex and I hope to get interact with all of you soon. Meanwhile stay on track here and read a lot.  

 

I'll make sure the train is running yet on Monday. If your new...I hope you sign up and ride along. Jump on Loris Freedom train today and you will see where to get info to sign up! All Aboard !! Freedom Train - 03/24/2018 - 03/25/2018 

 

I have a load mailbox, so gonna go check it out. I will probably read more on here than reply, but your all in my heart and in my prayers. I miss everyone. Have a great SMOKEFREE weekend, see y'all Monday on the Train!

 

xoxoMissy  Today I have 1299 DAYS OF FREEDOM!!

Mandolinrain

Busy time

Posted by Mandolinrain Mar 19, 2018

Just wanted to drop in quickly. I just started making the hour drive weekdays at 6am and not getting home till 

just before 6pm to help with the twins. My daughter in laws mom, who lives with them and helps them a lot, is recovering from her surgery and she cannot lift anything for next 5-6 week.  Its a lot of driving and I hate the highway part late in day. I just missed the 80 car pile up by 10 minutes last week on 71. But I want to help them and I get to bond with the girls

 

I wil still do freedom trains on Monday but they will be posted pretty early in morning ...other than that I get some time when babies are asleep to look on ex but not much time to respond for a few weeks. So don't go thinking Im leaving y'all....justa busy time and it will pass and I do enjoy those babies. I will be reading when I can and replying when I can.

So meanwhile, love ya all.

Hold tight your quit and newbies.......hang tuff and read read read. When you think you know it all...read some more. In informed quit is a successful quit...and get prepared with all that knowledge and know how you will deal with your craves...have a plan of action, BEFORE you quit!

 

I will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers every night. Please say one for me to have safe travels, if you would.

 

SOOO.....I will stop by when I can. My pillow is calling my name now, as is the darn clothes dryer.

 

Sweet dreams and N.O.P.E.

Missy

 

 

My grandfather came over from Ireland.

 

 

Happy St. Patricks day!

Mandolinrain

Beware of the Noun

Posted by Mandolinrain Mar 13, 2018

3am in the morning and I have been feeding the twins and can't get back to sleep. So here I am. EX Community is also asleep...lol Figure I would add more reading material for the newcomers.

 

Nouns.

You learned about them in school. A noun is a person , place or thing...and it got me to thinking....it is also a TRIGGER that tricks our minds into believing  we need to smoke.

Beware of the Noun early in your quit. 

Identify these Nouns. Who are they, where are they and what they are.

 

Heres a list of MY NOUNS early on in my quit.

*Friends that smoked

*Establishments that permitted smoking

*Events that permitted smoking

*Alcohol

 

I avoided them as though they had the worst flu ever because I didn't want to 'catch it or be tempted to smoke'.

 

Your friends will understand. If they don't maybe you need to re-evaulate that friendship. Honestly I had few friends left who smoked and now the ones that did have all quit as well. Smoking alone was no fun and misery always loves company. Believe me when I say this...every single one of them wanted what we had ....the courage and determination to quit. I know I did when I was still puffing away like the fool I was. I don't do that anymore.

 

So...look at those Nouns. Make a list and take a break from them for awhile. When your well into your quit you can always partake in the nouns and you will be much stronger to face them. Then again...maybe some of them you will replace anyway. I did that too and am happier for it

 

Baby number 2 ready for bottle    

 

Sweet dreams~Missy

Nicotine and I used to be inseparable. We did most everything together.

We battled through bad times~ Sad times and we rejoiced in the good times. 

 

I really thought I was in love and would never leave it. Could never leave it. It would surely end me and all the happy days of my life. I would never be able to 'relax' again.

 

I had many friends/family tell me how bad this relationship was for me.

How could that be true...did'nt they see how happy I was. Little did I know that as I remained in this long relationship , damage was being produced deep inside of me...and I was soon to find out I needed to drop this like a bad habit.

 

OH WAIT.....It IS a bad habit and also a thief and a liar!

 

The journey was hard. I cried and cried. I had trouble focusing on things,sleeping....what was that? I had horrid bursts of anger, then looked back many many times and wondered...hummmm, just one...I can smoke just one.

 

No I can't. I would be right back to where I used to be.....wishing I was where I am now. FREE!

 

  Theres other types of damaging relationships, yes, I know. I have walked through that valley also and I have risen above it. I'm not here to discuss that....Im sure many on here have had or are in those in one aspect of their life or another.

Today I am discussing the relationship we HAD or HAVE with Nicotine.

 

It was a choice then and it is a choice now and everyday for the rest of 

( my ) your life...Not to smoke. N.O.P.E.

 

We have many beautiful examples of folks on this site who have broken off that damaging relationship with Nicotine. Some who have been around for years and some who are rather fresh but are digging in there heels because they want what we have...to end the madness and the relationship with Nicotine.

 

It is so very possible to live happily without the smokes. I never in a million years thought I could, but I am here today to tell you...

Yes You Can !!!

 

One more thing I do need to add.....I failed so many , many times at leaving this relationship. I was a basket case and a bag of mixed nuts...I needed shelled for sure and for certain.

The Elders here taught me that until I truly understood the how and the why I was always failing at my quit...I would continue to keep going around the same old mountain.

 

Isn't it time you stop and figure this out. Are you ready to see other views of the mountain? Maybe even leave the mountain and get a fresh start with another view? 

 

Read-Learn-know-Apply

Then

Just Do It

 

 

Have a great Day! I'm off to go babysit my twin grand daughters, I'm so glad they will NEVER smell smoke on me or my breath!

 

 

 

Missy 1287 DOF

 

 

So we have 10 days I believe until Spring and as many know....I have been starting some things inside. While I know its real early before I can plant them...if ever, cause generally I wait until a week after Mothers Day to put most of my garden in....I love watching things grow...which got me to thinking....I love watching the new members grow here on EX as well, especially when they are doing the things suggested to help them quit and stay quit.

 

We have a beautiful variety of new members in here now 'growing'. I want to encourage them to PROTECT THEIR QUIT. They may want to know how so I thought I would share how I protected mine then and now.

 

I watered and fed it. I drank and still do, a lot of water a day. It is much better for my insides than the nasty smokes. It refreshes my energy, keeps me going so I can endure and do the things I need to do. While I do not feed it plant food, lol ...I feed myself EX food on a pretty much daily basis.

 

EX food diet is simple. Come here. Encourage others and share what works and what does not work for you. Some folks will take your advice and others will not...we all have our own recipe for success that feeds us a five star quit.

 

Stay active on Ex...Give and take. I know for myself anyway, that I am not the best person to teach myself how to quit and stay quit....If I was, I would not be here. I want to remain teachable. I want others ideas and suggestions on my blogs because thats how I grow. 

 

SO I am choosing to grow where I am planted. Thats here at EX.

 

One more thing- seeds take time to produce. They have to be watered and fed carefully. They need the right amount of daylight and moonlight. With the right amount of nourishment they will establish roots and grow. Even well rooted plants require care. I have seen good plants wither away to nothing due to lack of care and knowledge on how to be cared for....

 

~The Moral of my Blog today ~

 

Don't come to the garden empty handed...share your harvest and grow

 

Have a lovely weekend!

Missy

 

 

So tell me how you really feel....thats how some people want it.

Some of us ARE health care professionals...and yes, we are ALL addicts of Nicotine.

It may come a as surprise, but even professionals of ALL occupations can be an addict...of anything and still be an asset , a good example , because they are Recovered.

 

I dont do it anymore. Smoke.

I come here to stay motivated with my quit...to help others get what I have.

FREEDOM from Nicotine.

 

When I was a new member on this site I held those Elders in high regards.I still do.

No matter how many days of freedom I gain they will always be ahead of me.

That being a huge point.

My thinking was then....

They have walked through all the valleys I have yet to go into. They also hurt, dealt with hardships, pain, they had been there, done that. So they speak from their experience.

 

Even as a retired health professional, I have many friends who are also health professionals, that never smoked, that although they understand the dynamics of quitting smoking, they will tell you themselves...the best way to learn and understand the addiction is in fact from a successful EX addict. Those of us who practice in the health care field understand that. We were even taught that.

 

This site is a blessing. We have both. Dr. Hayes has given us much knowledge to help build and maintain our quits and we have this AWESOME community with so many gifted talented members of ALL walks and stations in life to learn from, lean on and build and maintain our own quits on.

 

I truly don't like when someone comes into the community , who is new at their quit or is not even quit yet, or at all even trying  ,to give their logic on how this all works. It can lead someone who is truly in need of some experienced advice in the wrong direction. 

 

Im not usually this outspoken but Im not going to dwell on this anymore. Take what you need and leave the rest....someone will always take the left overs...so thats what I am doing.

 

Meanwhile...I can't say enough for all the Beautiful Elders on this site. Without them, I would surely be puffing away in the garage....but baby......it's cold outside.

 

Perhaps those Elders are pretty good role models after all...This forum would not be here if we weren't.

 

I don't do that anymore AND THAT IS ALL I GOT TO SAY about this.