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2018
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Loss of a friend

Posted by Mandolinrain Jan 27, 2018

Having trouble today. A very good friend of both my husband and myself passed away late last evening. He died of pancreatic cancer...exactly what my step-father died of. 73 years old.

 

Our hearts are broken even though we knew  this was coming, it makes it no easier. I can hear his voice and his laugh. I lost one of my closet friends last March...I still hear her laugh. Im crying as I type. I came here. Had to write something.

 

Take care of yourselves everyone because we never know when our last day will be. Love your friends and your enemies...it may be the only light they ever know.

 

Smoking is not in the cards for me. Not to worry. May have a nightcap though with my husband and a toast for Tom ( Our friend), who we believe is resting and in peace with God now. Our hearts are broken right now. Prayers for this wife Cyndi would be appreciated. Thank you.

 

Love Missy

Mandolinrain

Simple Simon

Posted by Mandolinrain Jan 26, 2018

Simple Simon

Met a pieman 

Going to the fair

 

She asked for a smoke

To hide in her cloak 

But the Pieman found none there

 

So Simple Simon

Said to the Pieman 

I really want to QUIT

 

The pieman said

Go vist EX

She did

And that was it

 

Well I'm Simple Simon 

I've smartened up

Thank God

I found this site.

 

And specking truly

I can say without pause

I know I'll be alright

 

xoxoMissy

Mandolinrain

Tears are okay

Posted by Mandolinrain Jan 22, 2018

Quitting is an emotional thing. Many if us found our way through our quits early on by having the experience of so many emotions we didn't know if we were coming or going.

 

For me....tears were a large part of that. Mixed emotions stored my thoughts. Deep inside I WANTED DESPERATELY to be a non smoker, but I was afraid. Afraid of failure, afraid of fear...is there such a thing? Being afraid of fear itself?

 

Tears came unannounced over I would say the first 3 months of my quit. Just look at me wrong and I would cry. I was fragile. I was learning how to cope with life without running to smoke first. This was a key turning point for me once I understood what was happening.

 

Frustration during my early months was induced by anyone who criticized me, looked at me wrong...again...how do you look at someone wrong?... My perception of everything was knocked out of whack.

 

I learned here on this site, that I would go through many stages as I began my quit journey. Some would bring intense anger, fear, hurt, pain, tears...oh yes plenty of tears, and feelings that I would lose this battle.

 

ALL which I was told by the wonderful Elders of mine, were 100%normal.

 

While we all may focused on the same goal...'to become a non smoker and or to remain one'...all of us that began this journey before you understand...

Tears are often a part of it. They're cleansing and remind us of the direction we are in or want to be in. So accept. 

 

Accept that today your working through another day quit. Something may happen to bring on the tears today and if it does, remember this......

 

 AND

This last quote is what I did. I wrote.

 

God Bless you all and I hope this helps at least one person. If it does, it was worth blogging ~Missy

Mandolinrain

YOU DECIDE

Posted by Mandolinrain Jan 21, 2018

 

Pretty Self Explanatory.

 You are such a joy to my heart and to many many many others on this site!

 

 You show compassion for everyone

 

 You are a wonderful example of a good person and a strong devoted quit.

 

You deserve these beautiful flowers and so much more. Thank you for touching ALL of our hearts and extending yourself to help us all maintain our quits!

 

Happy 4 Years and Congrats and love to you!

 

I think its more than safe to say,

from ALL of us at EX~Thank you and we love you!

 

 

There has been a lot of FEAR going around here recently.

Its like a disease. I've had it. I know what its like to have this FEAR of quitting smoking.

 

Its certain to hold you back...

Its certain to whisper in your ear:

 

" No , not yet.....maybe in another week.....maybe never...your NEVER going to be able to quit...your a loser....you don't have enough strength to do this....You failed before so many times that your doomed, you can never be successful at this,..."

 

I have heard this song and dance before, so many times in MY own head that I actually believed it at times.

 

I finally made a choice. And truthfully...for me...thats when things turned around for me. I was going to war with this addiction and decided if I was to have any chance at all, I better smarten up and truly buckle down cause there was a war to fight and my life depended on it. My family....yes, I did it for me first, then them. Those grandkids deserve to be held by a Nana that does not stink..her clothes, hair~ her breath.

 

Like anyone going to war who expects to win...I prepared. I read a lot of blogs here. I studied the material that was suggested to read. I made a plan for what I would do when the enemy ( craves ) would attack. I fought back. Hard...very hard, but I saw each new day as a choice I had to make and looked ahead for the beautiful payoff.

 

I won.

 

It starts with a choice. Don't let FEAR take over. Don't run....Rise!

........

But always remain vigilant. An enemy attack can happen no matter where you are in your journey. 

You can do this and we are your troops...here to give you support help you win!

Missy

Mandolinrain

Waiting in the dark

Posted by Mandolinrain Jan 12, 2018

Using iPhone, which should probably not do to conserve batteries.

 

Sorta like a blizzard outside, snow, wind, ice, whiteout conditions.

 

Heard transformers boom a few hours ago. Apparently a tree somewhere on our road came down and crews are working on getting power in but storm is to much to work in right now. Hubby walked down and talked to firefighters who were parked somewhere out by the road. 

 

We we are fine though. No smoking here. Just bored . Oh well.  So good to see so many newcomers on the site and others who have not been here in awhile to stop by and say hello. 

 

Welp....gotta go find the mandolin. Good time to practice:)

 

 

True enough. This is a lesson we taught our boys growing up. The lesson stuck with them.

I applied this lesson ( better late than never...) with my own quit as I started my journey to freedom. It helped .

 

Have a nice day everyone!

Missy 

Looking back those were some of my first thoughts when I was struggling with my quit. What I would miss , in my mind, was what was making it so hard for me to quit.

 

I remember clearly. I was going to miss those evening smokes out on the deck or by the fire pit as my day melted into night.

 

It would be hard...hard because I would turn to a smoke to help me relax after a difficult decision or chore or...well just about anything.....I smoked after completing most projects. It was like my intermission. I would surely miss that.

 

I would never be able to enjoy a cold beer or a glass of wine again...therefore rendering me unsociable at gatherings because how could I ever enjoy a drink without a cigarette?

 

Do you follow? It was hard. I put so much emphasis on what I would miss and why it would be so hard that I ignored where my focus should be...what would I gain? Easy? well....no, it was not. 

 

I learned from this site to focus on the gains rather than the losses. I honestly worried and feared for nothing back then but I didn't know it then. I had to go through to get the breakthrough. All of you led the way. 

 

So I miss nothing about smoking, ends up. I do just fine at social gatherings and still enjoy a cold one once in awhile. I actually have adjusted fine to dealing with difficult times without thinking I need to 'light up' first to meet a demand. 

 

I am focused more on taking better care of myself now. Making healthier decisions on food and activity that my husband and I do together....so bonus-bonus.

 

Quitting is hard. If it was easy, this site wouldn't be needed. You'll mean the world to me and I am ever so grateful for EX and all of you. If your on this site, its no accident. Your where you need to be. Its where I need to be to maintain as well. Have a good night everyone!

Missy

Mandolinrain

My quit token

Posted by Mandolinrain Jan 3, 2018

Giulia, I hope your seeing this. I can’t find the original post you made. Awhile back you asked , I think, if we have something that we hold onto that is a reminder to us of our quits,....or something like that.  My fever has lifted, but I still have brain fog, lol. Anyway, this is my  spoon necklace I wear a lot. Has my Ex name on it and quit date on it. Each silver bead represents one year of freedom. 

Am taking a little break from the site cause have not felt well. I WILL get the triain on the tracks on Monday though! 

 

So so here’s my token, I left it with the natural patena to show the etching better. 

Mandolinrain

Flu I think.....

Posted by Mandolinrain Jan 1, 2018

Started about 3:30am. Happy New Year to me. . Just took my second hot bath to try to get warm, fever and horrible joint and muscle pain...everywhere., nausea bad headache..and starting to cough, deep in chest, UGH! And I am SO tired.  Feel like I got hit by a Mac truck. Will be absent from posting awhile but will be reading on here when I feel up to it. I did have the flu shot and the pneumonia shot but have been told the flu shot not to great this year, only 10% effective. yea me.

 

I made the traditional pork and sauerkraut for hubby and the smell is making me wanna yak. Lol

Stay well alll, this stinks.

Missy