I was looking through my files on the computer today, deleting some things and came across this. Something I wrote awhile back but never shared, here  it goes....:

Death stood by waiting patiently

"Go ahead" it said, "smoke one -two or three..."

"Because if you choose me, I'll help you fall

And you'll beacon to me whenever I call".

"Inside your brain where the chemicals seep

I'll bond to your weakness and there I will keep...."

"All of your will power, yes I'll teach you to lack'I'll feed you more Nicotine

With the rest of the crap..."

"I will betray you and make you believe

You can't do anything without me ,that you need..."

This death had a name, the more I explored

In the form of a cigarette , I just wanted more.

Then came a day I threw in the towell

I reached out to EX and they showed me the HOW

I flipped and I flopped until I got it right

I fought through the tears, I put up a fight

I did ALL the homework and never looked back

The Ex'ers stayed by my side

For they had my back

Death is still here waiting patiently

" Go ahead..." it whispers," Smoke one-two or three".

I smile and walk on but deep down inside

I shudder and cringe as I  hear those old lies

Nothing, no Nothing will take my quit today

This freedoms too sweet to just throw away

My Ex friends have taught me to take what I need

And just leave the rest

This God given Program is simple the best

( Now as my Dad used to say 'Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it', lol

More packing to do, gotta run. Everyone have a great day!

As far as quitting smoking was for me.

I was one who had so many failed attempts. I would get up one morning and say, " This is as good of day as any to quit"....then maybe I would manage to stay quit a couple hours.

Then there was the 'driving down the street and so disgusted at myself for smoking I would throw the entire pack out the window'... That also never worked. I would just be running down to the filling station ( which by the way, is a drive living out here in tin buck two) and spend over 5 bucks for another pack.

Or, when I would quit and have a really good start, maybe even a week or two and a tragedy would happen....Like losing my cell phone ( thats a tragedy, oh yes it is, you know it is,...) and I would be so mad....I would drive back into town and smoke 3 in a row by the time I pulled back in the driveway...hating the taste of it....feel dizzy....

And each time one of these likely events happened and I threw away my 'quit' I came crawling back here and fessed up. I am no child, but I sure behaved like one. I had not done my homework....well maybe partially. I knew I had not done all the suggested reading. Some yes, all.....not so much.

I was not really wanting to quit deep inside. My faith has always been important to me and I had laxed in that area as well. This site, at the time, was having issues. People were really dropping right and left.  It broke my heart to watch it happen. I dropped back also then. I took offense sometimes at comments made to me when I ' slipped', and I see now that I probably deserved it...well perhaps not all of it, lol. As a result, I now don't use the term 'Slipped', unless we are talking about ice.I had made a bad 'choice'....oh well, thats another story...

But seeds were planted. I took that time out to really get my faith restored and get serious about my quit and doing everything all the elders said to do. Study, get informed, make a quit kit, start a quit journal.

It worked for me. Knowledge really is everything. We each have our own journey to make  and some of us will struggle more than others. When the time is right I think you will know it deep in your soul. That feeling came to me when I fed it  what it needed and that was reading blogs, Carrs Book and all the material given to me here from all the wonderful people who stuck it out and helped me, that and of course my faith in God, that alone got me headed in the right direction.

It was a long time coming and it was hard. I NEVER thought I could be this free from smoking and I thank God everyday. I am a person who wears her heart often on her sleeve and sometimes I share more than I should, its just who I am. I have deleted some older posts where I did discuss some personal things that I truly wish I had not. I see now why I should never delete posts....perhaps it could help someone else? But I was embarrassed, and some was a medical issue still not resolved....I was scared....still concerned but not as much. We are dealing with it.

I am going to have 3 years September 2nd. I never thought this could be me. Im saying...

This could be you. Knowledge really is everything. My best advice is to be prepared.

Knowledge really is everything.

Bed time for me, blessings to ya all, sorry this was long

~Missy

DAILY,,, every-single-time.....I come here onto this site, I see so many familiar people who take the time out of their own daily commitments to come here and encourage ALL of us. SOMEDAY, I hope to get here more to do the same.

I just want to do a shout out to the ones I see here constantly, no matter what they are experiencing in life...to greet all the newbies, encourage EVERYONE and give us all a dose of love and hope DAILY, so it  seems.

I might be an Elder myself, but all of your dedication to this site is something I admire greatly. Had it not been for you, I may have never had made it to Elder status. I love you guys!!!

JACKIE1-25-15, elvan, YoungAtHeart, JonesCarpeDiem, Jennifer-Quit,

MarilynH Giulia, Thomas3.20.2010, SkyGirl....and so many others, if I left you out Im sorry,...I really am pointing out the ones who were here when I was starting my journey here....I am in a mood to give away ALL my points,   let me know if you want some:)

And actually, I know there are more of you, but my brain just clanked close,lol. Sorry if your name was not mentioned, I think your all rock stars., but these guys above, NEVER-HARDLY EVER MISS A BEAT!!!

Ok, gotta go get some sleep and yes I know its really early for bed but..... Funny story first..

Last night  I went on a rode trip with a friend who needed to take her female Labrador to a breeder 3 hours away. We got home after 12:30am. The I went up to get into bed I saw  my sweet husband sound asleep with 2 large lumps in bed with him. It was very dark. HUHH, WHAT THE HECK???? Here he had mercy on our two dogs and allowed them into bed with him which he NEVER allows. Needless say, not much room left for me between him, a 90 lb.Doberman and a 150lb Mastiff. UGH!!! I did squeeze in and had Merlins rear end too close to be comfortable, it was a non sleep night. Overhead fan, was on, I was freezing and they were ALL snoring. So you ask, WHY in heavens name, did t you just go to another room????

House is so far packed for upcoming move, there IS NO OTHER ROOM!!

Needless to say, no dogs in our bed tonight and I am off to bed in 3-2-1....zzzzzzzzz

Love to all, Missy

Im still here and still smoke free. My 3 year Anny is coming soon!!!!

Its funny I jump in here and see a post from Sootie tonight regarding how Life happens no matter what. Sure is for me. I have not had much time for my computer. We just moved my Mother in law into asst. living., and I am taking care of my Mom and a sick horse....trying to pack our own house of nearly 30 years to prep for the move in end of September....we hope. I tore my achilles tendon and wear this stupid boot at night, but its really helping....LIFE

Smoking won't help my mother in law or my Mom, ....or the horse, or the new house, or the packing, the grandkids,the build....no won't help any of that one bit.

However it would:

Ruin my beautiful quit and place me back to day one and have to re-live hell week and NML

Not worth it.

Yes, I have been busy, it happens to us all at different times in our lives, but I know things will eventually settle down. I will have more time to devote here helping others as I was helped. I absolutely intend too once this moving business is done. We also recently laid to rest a dear dear friend....

Hectic, yes....busy , yes....but Your ALL in my thoughts and prayers often. I look forward to having my morning cup of Joe with you all soon and get back here more often on daily basis.

Meanwhile, just saying I miss you all. I have not left the community, I will be back strong soon.

N.O.P.E ~ MY INTENTIONS FOREVER!!!

Life will happen and smoking is not an option for me. Love you all!~Missy

So things are still hectic. We have been packing and making arrangements for hubby's Mother to go into Assisted Living, packing our own house of over 30 years....getting rid of things we don't want, Helping my Mom who's having health issues and currantly wearing this stupid boot on my right foot every night since I messed up my Achilles Tendon.

Hubby and I found out today that they textured all the ceilings today that were supposed to be flat, so now they have to re do them. Have no idea what's involved but am sure we are in for a delay. Painters had planned to start this Friday or early Monday. Hopefully they still can.

heres a pic of the brick in back , hickory and my paint swatch that I finally did and turned in today. I painted a bunch of poster boards to get the colors right. Hubby's happy, so I am happy. Next is horse barn...I truly am dreading going through that. I may just leave a lot of it here. Have a wonderful week everyone. Once all this busy stuff settles I will get here more often