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2017
Mandolinrain

Are you Struggling?

Posted by Mandolinrain Apr 27, 2017

 

"NOBODY CHANGES UNTIL THE PAIN OF STAYING THE SAME BECOME GREATER THAN THE PAIN OF CHANGE"

 

I found this quote to be of great help to me when I started on my Quit...

It also helped me stay motivated to exercise. I kept it posted where I could read it everyday as a reminder.

 

I hope it will help you as well:) Have a beautiful Smoke free day!

Mandolinrain

VERY unEXpected Crave

Posted by Mandolinrain Apr 24, 2017

Out of nowhere last night. Only last a millisecond, but it came and scared the **** out of me. Hope I want get in trouble for saying that. But theres no better way to describe it. Then to top it off I had a smoke dream last night that I blew my quit and had to start over.

 

I had an evening to taking my elderly Mother out last night for dinner. I will not go into detail because frankly it would bore you all to death and the story is much to painful to talk about, but I have struggled many years to have a decent relationship with a Mother who was basically absent all my life and when we are together she basically always likes to 'talk up' my older brother and with each sentence and put me down in the same breath. I have come to accept her behavior and have spent endless in hours in counseling  to overcome the hurt I have associated with it.

 

Well anyway, because she is aging and needing more help I am trying to keep peace between us and not internalize all her negative comments and try to divert her attention to nicer things. So yesterday, my husband had some things he wanted to do and I took Mother for a beautiful countryside drive and dinner afterwards. It was during dinner that she began her rants and complaining about me and throwing me  ( basically under the bus again), that I knew I had to take her home and get away from her. Do I did.

 

Once home, as I pulled into the driveway, the tears poured out and I found myself wanting to go buy smokes. I didn't though. I marched inside the house and and went up and took a long soak in the tub. I told my husband how I had the urge to smoke and he said he was proud of me for not giving in. But that night I dreamed about it again.

 

Scary to think I am nearly 3 years quit and this happened. I have read about people who have many years under their belt and then they give into the smokes.

 

I decided to begin a more aggressive walking program this morning and I got in almost 5000 steps and fill absolutely 100% better. I can't let my Mothers negative feedback ruin what I have worked so hard for because I would then resent her even more. I am trying so very hard to forgive her and its just not been an easy road , but I won't stop trying.

 

Anyway, sorry this is long, I wrote it out more for me to help myself in the future. To go back to. I saw Gregs post before I posted about the alligator he saw in Florida.. Yes, I relate...those ugly things can come out of nowhere when you least Expect them to....the craves.

 

Take care of yourself everyone. I made it through, but I have my guard up ALL the time now. I am ok. I held tight to my quit and I intend to never let go.

 

Peace out

I have missed being here recently. Our Internet is through DISH and for some reason, we have had really bad connections here. I sometimes am able to get online, but my computer won't always allow me to log in. This is also happening with our iPad. Soon. if I am not here much for awhile until we get this worked out...thats why. Living pretty far out in the country as we do...Internet is not always working well.

 

Meanwhile, I had luck just now getting connected and wanted take the opportunity to tell you ALL HAPPY BLESSED EASTER WEEKEND!!! Im grateful for our Savior and for ALL OF YOU AT EX!

 

For all of you who are struggling and new to the site I just want to say it WILL get better. YOU will get better. I failed many many times before I was successful  but let me tell you....this site, these folks kept me encouraged. So come often and blog often. Read read read...oh and did I say read??? The more knowledge you get into your mind about this  addiction, the better your quit will go. You must Go through to get the breakthrough, we all did. Pin down what makes you want to smoke ...learn the WHY of this addiction as it applies to you.

 

Theres no magic dust or potion unfortunately. I never dreamed I would ever be able to be free of it. I truly told myself that I liked to smoke. Once I learned how the drug nicotine worked on my brain, I came to understand why I THOUGHT I loved to smoke.

 

Oh, and I used Vicks Vapor rub under my nose a bunch. It took away craves instantly. I occasionally used the Vicks inhaler, but not often. Bottom line was getting educated about the drug Nicotine, for me anyway.

 

Happy Easter to all and hopefully I will be online more by next week. I have my Dr. Appt on Monday to get all the lung test results back. Keeping fingers crossed.

Love to ya all~Missy

Mandolinrain

950 days today!

Posted by Mandolinrain Apr 9, 2017

I still have our infant grandson here through till tomorrow but I have a moment , just a moment to jump in and say today I have 950 DOF!!!!  

Enjoying this time with our sweetheart and so very glad he will never experience the stink of cigs on me!

 

Thank you Exers for getting me here and helping me hold tight to my lovely quit! You guys ALL rock! Newbies and Elders.... you ALL teach me, help me More than you will ever  know!

.........Is always yours.

Smoking today is a choice. You decide you will or you won't.

You prepare for this preferably ahead of time, but even of you don't.....

its your choice.

Quitting is never easy....not usually anyway.

It takes commitment, effort,patience,humility, resolve,awareness,courage,honesty....and so much more.....

You never have to be alone, unless you choose to.

 

This site has so much to offer. so many wonderful people just waiting to help lead you through the ruff patch your in right now.

 

its your choice. It's always has been and always will be.

if you have already quit and you think you want to choose to smoke again because the crave is beating you over the head...think on this...

If you give into the crave you will be right back where you used to be....wishing you were where you are now.

 

Its a maddening addiction. We have been there. We know. We also suffered through our quits. At Ex, we are here to tell you quitting Is doable and to get a breakthrough you will have to go through BUT you don't have to go it alone. 

 

Blog often, read a lot on this site.

its always your choice, but we would sure like to help you choose wisely.

 

ok, that is my input for the weekend. We have our 10 month grandson here. Everyone enjoy your weekend, stay safe, don't smoke and I will be back in couple days.

Are you a victim?

 I was for 30 some years. 

Little did I know the deceit feed regularly into my very core.

 

I smoked Marlboro Lights. I assumed by smoking the 'lights' I was smoking a healthier version, hahaha, the joke was on me. The Cigarette companies love us fools that believe that. They will gladly take my money. " Buy two packs and get one free"...." 

 

I like breathing pretty much everyday. I love that I don't 'stink' anymore. My clothes don't stink. My hair does not need washed everyday. My fingers don't stink.

 

I like feeling normal for the most part....not depending on the Nicotine buzz to help me make a decision, relax me, inspire me, give me courage....and so on...... How absurd! I gave Nicotine way to much credit. I gave way to much of myself to Nicotine.

 

I am able to do all those things now without a 'Nicotine Fix". Plus I have more $ saved:)

 

Do yourself a favor.....set aside a jar somewhere in your house. Everyday, put in it the cash amt. you would be spending on smokes. If your still a smoker...still do this little exercise......

Now, on a piece of paper....write down an item you always wanted for yourself ( let be reasonable, Im not talking about a Jaguar)....

Keep filling your jar and see how long it takes to have enough to get your item..

 

I wanted a new Mandolin. Took me 2 years, but I got it with the money I would have spent on smokes. Just kinda a fun thing to do.

 

Anyway, Im rambling now.....what did nicotine take away from you that you now have resumed control of ?

Gotta Run, have a great smoke free day!

 

 

 

 

Life can get so hectic....so busy sometimes that we forget to slowdown.

Slowdown our actions or minds.....sometimes we just get way to far ahead of ourselves and the present day.

 

This has been me as of late. We are in process of building a new home and this fall moving out of this one that we raised our sons in and raised horses. We love it here, but its time to downsize and head to the next chapter in our lives. The transition of moving from a home that we both love....all the memories is overwhelming at time's.

But the house and property has outgrown us and its too much work to maintain anymore.

 

When I was a smoker I recall my 'need to feed' on the Nicotine. It was crazy, but I would get up in the middle of the night and smoke sometimes...outside. There were times I would have one cigg left and would actually drive into town to buy a pack. Stupid me. OR....I would dig around in a nasty ashtray to find a butt to just get a hit off of it.

 

So where am I going with this?

 

Today is a beautiful day. The sun is out, the temps are starting to climb. I am beginning to get more excited about the new house. A ranch style that will allow me to navigate so much easier. Its a rustic log style that we have both always wanted to have. We still will be out in the country,with enough acreage that we can still enjoy the woods and such that we love so much. We have a wonderful marriage, children, daughter in laws, grandkids...and although we are downsizing in horses, we have two affectionate dogs that we love. I could go on... I have a lot to be grateful for. The new family coming onto this house will love it and enjoy it as we did.

 

As a non smoker, I am not as restless as I used to be. I slow down and take in my surrounds more. 

I have become more aware. Aware of those around me and my environment. Slow is good. It makes me think through things before I act upon them.

 

Perhaps thats more my message today. Think through your actions before you light up. What will your consequences be? Stop and appreciate where you are now, as a non smoker. Slow down.

List the things your grateful for today. Help someone other than yourself.

 

Words are cheep~ Action gets results...but do stop and smell the roses first.

 

I promise you, its worth it

 

You....are worth it.