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All People > Mandolinrain > Mandolinrain Blog > 2013 > September
2013

Yesterday i had an epifhany....hummmm, wonder how bad I just spelled that one, lol?!?

I got to thinking I need to name my nicotine urge so I can better address IT when it sways in my mind. Thomas gave me a great idea and said to name it something funny and he suggested Smokus-Pokus...I love it, makes me smile and sometimes laugh.

So I have not had to yell at Smokus-Pokus yet today....IT is thus far leaving me alone....but I am also staying busy and not allowing Mr.Smokie-Pokie to live in my brain. I recognize what IT is trying to do to me and It can just go poke it's smous-pokus attidtude down a toliet, cause thats about where it belongs...FLUSHED OUT!

Have a great day everyone. Sun is out~ I am out~God is good~Life is good and I am going to go enjoy my day with my wonderful/awesome husband! ...and that's all I got to say about that!

I really do not enjoy the taste of a cigg...the smell, the after taste,,, the after smell. Now that the drug ( nicotine) is out of my system and finally the urges have settled down to a quiet roar...it really is tollerabe.

Of course I have these moments where I 'think' I may need to smoke but more and more the moment follows with 'Oh, no...remember...you don't smoke anymore'. When did this happen? I can't say for sure. About 2 weeks in I think?

Being educated this go 'round and KNOWING I WILL post a 911 call to a lifeline or this site has taken a lot of pressure off for some reason. I feel different. I see what could happen if I fail to follow through. Meaning, I just can't risk putting one of the nasty ciggs to my mouth or I will be right back where I was to begin with...starting over. Groundhog day, so to speak.

My past failures, I have learned from. I seriously want this quit to hold. I really did take for granted that I could quit without 100% support before, me being an educated gal...haha, thinking I had this....well I didn't pull it together well enough. I allowed my own pride to get in the way of my quit...then shamfully had to 'fess up' and go back to start.

I am glad I did. Failures are only valuable if you learn from them..I did. 38 days at 3:30 or so today....and theres just no stopping me this go round. Sorry if I bored you, I am home sick yet and bored....so thought I'd write a bit. This is worst sinus infection I have ever had! UGH!!!!! It's 90 degrees outside and I am still freezing!!!!

Mandolinrain

Being mindful in NML

Posted by Mandolinrain Sep 9, 2013

Well I tip-toed over into NML just a few days ago. So far so good. Like others before me I have lost my quit in NML before, so this is truly scary territory for me. I have learned a few things though since my last time in NML.

First of all I now know that anytime I begin to have the very first thought/desire to smoke...it will be addressed by me coming here first and or calling on one of my quit buddies. I am not going to wait it out and hope and pray it goes away. I am going into action.

Thank you Exer's for teaching me this one!I just want to thank everyone..Michwoman-Nancy-Dale-Tommy-Thomas-Sky-Stac-Nikki-Renee-Tiger-Patty-Nyima-Guilia-newlife-Jeanne and wow, just so many others that have reached out and helped me in my struggle with this addiction. If your name was not mentioned...please forgive me, I honestly cant think of anyone who has not been a big part of my ongoing recovery. The names mentioned are the ones who got me off at the beginning and remain dear and near to my heart...just as everyone one now on this site is. I truly feel like I have another family who loves me and I love them. Blessings to all and have a beautiful smoke free day!~Missy

For me this is key. I can say that every time I relapsed...I had begun to romance the smoke and it was always during my time in NML. What will I do different? I will recognize that when I have the first 'romance feeling'..I will blog here or call someone. I will not wait it gets so bad that I give in. Easy to say...right?

I think it is. I just never did it, never even occurred to me that romancing the smoke was actually me getting myself ready to break a good quit. I see it now. I am in NML now, will be day 35 later today for me...and I am planning on getting there one day at a time.

I see some favorite friends relapsing here recently. I was one of them nearly 35 days ago. I know how they feel, I know how they are so ashamed. I was too. But they are back and so am I. Not giving up...but get yourself ready to 'call up or blog up'...should the romance begin again. So I extend my friendship to all. If you failed, and your here at this site...to me that says your heart is in the right place...now we have to work on the action part.

Your worth it....so am I.

Mandolinrain

Under the weather

Posted by Mandolinrain Sep 6, 2013

Started out as Sinus/ear infections and now has traveled to my chest...bronchitis, UGH!

Thank goodness I am not smoking. I can't believe I was dumb enough to actually light up when I was sick in the past with this....I know I did. Stupid!

I read alot of people saying how bad they want to quit-.....stay quit.......-try to quit-.....makes me think...I have said ALL of that...I had also relapsed a few times. Each time I did I always knew I wanted to be done with it ( smoking). Each time I relapsed I never stopped and looked before I put the nasty thing in my mouth at my ongoing list of why I quit in the first place.

For me, this is for me. To have on hand to remind me ( any anyone else if they want) why I must stay quit. I am not quitting for hubby, kids. I am quitting for me and in doing so, I will be here longer for them:)

I have done my homework this time. I will continue to learn with an open mind. Heres why I love NOT smoking: I smell good:) My clothes and hair smell good...I passed some smokers in parking lot recently and although they looked nice enough...wow did they stink!!! I do not:)

Yes, I have crappy cold right now, but not as a result of MY smoking...although the jury is still out to decide if I will end up with COPD. Thats in Gods hands now, not mine...Although it is another STRONG reason I will not put another nast cigg to my face! Doing my part.

My workouts are amazing! Except for being sick right now,:(

Okay, going to bed. Just had some thoughts I wanted to record. Thanks to all who have supported me. Blessings:)