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2013
Mandolinrain

UGH!!!!

Posted by Mandolinrain Aug 21, 2013

So our 14 guests arrive tomorrow and our swimming pool is driving me NUTS!!! Pool, for some reason this year keeps getting iron stains on the pool liner and i have faithfully done everything the pool company tells me to do, but the blasted stains keep coming back.....kinda like smoking, I think;

I am at day 17 in my 'quit', well truthfully it will be day 18 at 3:30 this afternoon and I still am faithfully doing what I have to do to keep this quit and no matter how much I do it, I still have 'moments' I want to smoke. But I am not caving in to it.  This pool thing is driving me batty. I have spent over $100.00 every freaking week for the past 3 weeks on this dumb pool and frankly am ready to call a fill dirt truck, afterall, I keep telling my husband it would make a terrific garden area.lol

BUT then I know if I stay at it, it will eventually clear and be beautiful. How does this relate to smoking, you ask??? If I start smoking again, the fill dirt truck will eventually head to my grave and cover me up, thats how I am looking at it. So you *&^%$# ciggs can just go to tin-buck -2 cause i am through with you!!!!!!!! Sorry 'bout the rant.

Pig Roast is couple days away, busy here and I am not much of a drinker, so am not concerned about losing quit over that or anything at this point. I am back in the drivers seat and even if my pool water turns black~I WILL NOT give in! Have a great rest of week and weekend everyone. Once I get past this weekend I promise to check in here more often and give back more to the newbies for what has been given so generously to me....FREEDOM and SUPPORT..Love you guys....xoxo

Mandolinrain

2 weeks going strong

Posted by Mandolinrain Aug 18, 2013

I have been very busy but not smoking. I have deadlines on artwork I have to get done ( which could not come at a worse time) and a large hog roast here at our farm to prep for on the 24th...this coming Saturday!!!.  A few guest who will be staying with us are smokers, but I won't be joining them in doing so, lol!!!!

Will be back blogging more after that event, as my time on computer is very limited right now and to top it off, my computers charger is not working great and needs replaced. Just wanted everyone to know I am fine and miss you all. Hugs and love to all!

Mandolinrain

Mornin' folks!

Posted by Mandolinrain Aug 14, 2013

Quick checking for booster shot. Doing well staying very busy. Craves come and go but I have so much going on here I don't pay attention to them:) I hope everyone has a wonderful smoke free day:)

Mandolinrain

Booster shot!

Posted by Mandolinrain Aug 13, 2013

Been very buy the past few days and this week is getting REAL busy! Anyway, just wanted to stop in for a booster shot of Ex. Now I am good to go for yet another smoke free day:) My stopping in for the shot will be brief over the next 2 weeks, but I don't want anyone here to think I gave up on my quit. Just have alot on my plate right now, but it's all good stuff. Got some comminssioned artwork with deadlines that I have to fill. So have a great day everyone and I will check in for my booster tomorrow morning:) Love to all~peace~out! ( almost day 10 @3:30pm today)

Hello friends....Just wanted to say I will be away from computer next few days, but will be protecting my quit. Hope everyone has a nice weekend, very humid here today. Going toa cookout later and gratefully nobody in this group smokes, so that will be nice. Had grandson overnight and we had so much fun. I am so glad I don't smoke anymore, although I never did around him, but kids are impressionable, as you know. Life is good. Take care, will be back online soon.

Mandolinrain

Happy

Posted by Mandolinrain Aug 10, 2013

Life is good. God is good. My God is an AWESOME GOD,He reins on heaven and earth! Just saying.........:) b4 I go 2 bed:)

Mandolinrain

I am pressing on....

Posted by Mandolinrain Aug 8, 2013

Finshed morning walk and have tones of errands in town today to keep busy.

Yesterday spent 2 hours putting together these wrought iron bar stools for outside. This type of assembly project would normally require several ciggs. HA! I did it with zero ciggs! Each time I had a pesty screw that did not fit right I just prayed and asked God for peace and patience AND I pictured all of you there helping me through  it. Well I got 'er done! Hubby came home and proud of my accomplishments and he tightened the ones I could not.

Half the battle  for me is realizing that whatever life throws at me....I can do it without smoking. People do it everyday and manage....and everyday is getting easier. Oh I know there will be some hard days ahead, but I am focused on today...for now that is all I have, but I do have the tools in place this go 'round:) Have a great day!

Mandolinrain

Another day of freedom

Posted by Mandolinrain Aug 7, 2013

I can't say enough how grateful I am to this site and all of you. I am at day 4 and doing well. Seems like a beeze this go around but i have the 'tools' in place this time for sneak attacks,lol.

Went to funeral yesterday and kept busy canning zucchini for the most part. Worked on the blasted swimming pool. Would LOVE to just fill the thing in. I have been dealing with iron stains on the liner all summer and found out we have grommets that were rusting and had to be replaced, so thats done now and i am waiting for CHL levels to drop so I can add a chemical to get rid of the rusty looking stains. I keep telling my husband that pool area would be so nice as a garden area, it's fenced...so all the critters would stay out, lol. I dont think it will happen though:)

Got me to thinking about how it is like my quit. Until I removed the nicotine, the 'stains' inside my body will only increase. So now, for me , the nicotine level has decreased and now I just need to maintain. If I smoke the stains will slowley reappear and I am back to where I started. I think I may even take a picture of the rust stains in the pool and put it up on kitchen fridge as a reminder. Hey, whatever works...right?

Love to you, this is going to be a good day and thank you all for your continued support.

Mandolinrain

Smober and happy

Posted by Mandolinrain Aug 6, 2013

Heading out for morning walk. Will be very busy 2day as I am going to be canning and going to a dear neighbors funeral later.

Everyone have a great day and I will check in later this evening or in the morning. Hugs to all...PS..Allen Carrs book 'clinched it' for me. I highly recommend it if you have not read it. The book is called 'The EASYWAY to stop smoking' Blessings to all-over and out:)

Mandolinrain

I had another good day

Posted by Mandolinrain Aug 4, 2013

I dont know why I let that be such a big surprise. I feel so good. I feel in step with God. I feel like I know so much more that this is final for me.

Allen Carrs book really ipped it for me. FEAR....exactly what troubled me about quitting:

Will I enjoy gatherings with friends anymore

Will I be able to enjoy my SMOKING FRIENDS again, won't I miss it and want to smoke"

When I read about the fear thing in Carrs book , it hit home, so many things just began to click.....

N.O.P.E. and Godbless everyone:)

Changed my username. I think it is time I own today for the best decision I could ever make. No doubt my supporters on this site have lead the way. I am so eternally grateful to you all!

i still feel great and very-very pleased with my quit. We had dinner with a couple of friends who smoke and gratfully we were all outside. I watched them just as Carss book suggested. They stunk, the smoke stunk and watching how quickly lit up after eating and takin that that Looooonnnnnng first draw nearly made me sick. I watched them as they struggled all evening getting their 'fix'. I felt fine, I had not one bit of a desire to smoke.

Okay, so perhaps I am in just that 'phase' of new excitement, but I don't think so....no, in fact I KNOW I AM NOT!!! This is EX-tremely different. So I don't care what anyone says to me in that regard. This is MY quit, I OWN it and I am done with it. N.O.P.E. 

I cannot wait to go out for my early morning walk with the dog out here in the beautiful countryside and maybe even saddle up and hit the trails for awhile. No need to worry about packing the smokes anymore. I do not own any, anymore and more importantly.......... THEY DO NOT OWN ME ANYMORE!!! Freedom Bell Rang for me...and I ran to it!

Hugs and goodnight~Missy

I can't stay online llong right now because company just arrived, but could not wait and had to post this! I will try to get online later today, if not...for sure tomorrow.

I just finished reading Allen Carr's book awhile ago and WOW...it hit the fear factor I have been dealing with big time!

I am happy to announce that at 3:08pm today...per following ALL of Allens instruction's....I snuffed out THE LAST CIGARETTE THAT I WILL EVR PUT TO MY MOUTH AGAIN...AND I FEEL ELATED!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have ALL of you in here to thank for getting me on the right direction.  MANY of you told me to read this book.   Although fairly educated about nicotine during my last 'bout' of smoking and using cold turkey to quit...I failed after 60 plus days due to the FEAR. I knew it and the book confirmed it.  The relief I am feeling now is so mind blowing I cannot describe it.

I am back...I am a non-smoker. N.O.P.E.....I will continue to educate myself on this rotten addiction and I will give back to whom ever wants it, the joys I have learned, am learning and will continue to learn living as a non-smoker, in good times and bad until the day God calls me home! Whew...freedom rocks!

My only question is this: What date do I set me new 'tickor'? Today or tomorrow??? As I won't truly have one entire day in until tomorrow at 3:08pm.

Thank you Ex'ers...I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!

Just wanted to thank everyone who responded to my last blog. This truly is a wonderful site and EVERYONE on this site is a Champion in my eyes...except myself for the moment.

My mistake was a powerful one. I had NO lifelines in place. I kept some things private and did not share due to fear of how many of our blogs are posted on other sites.

 What would I do differently? First of all I was in NML. Dangerous territory and I never thought I would need lifelines. I thought this site was enough. So for those of you walking in NML if you do not have lifelines -get them now!

I made a step in the right direction today and started lining some up. Some from this site, some from home. Fear of some other things going on in my life was consuming me and instead of reaching out and talking about it-I held it inside. Fear was taking control and I cannot afford that to be in my life. I also realize that fear =no faith. Lesson learned. This fear thing is horrible for me right now but I will press on. I know to have a 'break-through'...I have to 'go-through'

Another thing I am in process of doing is reading Allen Carrs book. I have been watching grandson recently and not much tome to read although I plan on hitting it hard over the weekend. I want to really take my time with it though and get it in my brain so it sticks.

Quitting has consummed my thoughts. Last evening when I came in here and blogged about my relapse, I was a nervous wreck. But I had to be honest. I knew there would not be any freedom for me if I was not honest.

I am re-considering doing this quit with my DIL. I have discussed this and some other 'issues' with someone in here in private to which I hold great esteem. But you all have my word...I will quit and it will be soon but it must 'stick' this time and be my final quit. It will be. I am no dummy. 

So for those of you who are in NML....make sure you have lifelines in place and blog in here 'HELP' as needed. I know I will.

Thankyou again champions..all of you! I will be lurking and reading and announcing my quit date soon. God Bless.

Mandolinrain

Ashamed and terrified

Posted by Mandolinrain Aug 1, 2013

I really thought I had it this time. I truly prayed I did. I studied, read and read some more, blogged and blogged. Got into NML and had some stressful days, then some great days.

Bottom line is I made a bad choice. Nobody forced me, I claim total responsibility and no excuses. I apparently have alot to learn yet. One thing not in place was my 'life lines' as I see others who failed in the past, did so for the same reason. But all in all...I smoked.Period. My choice.

I have some things I cannot discuss on these blogs, as it is personal and this is another issue I need to find a way to deal with. Seeing how internet can take our blogs to other sites keeps me from sharing some things that are in the way of my quit. I do have a plan though. It is late tonight, but I wanted to get this off my chest and be honest with everyone in here who ( all of you) have been so terrific in helping me...and I pray, although I am terribly ashamed, that you would allow me to try again...to be free of this horrid addiction.

I realize my old quit date is above here aside my name ( I do not remeber how to change it) and my 'counter' on my home page needs re-set (never had to do that before, so have no idea how to). So please tell me how to do those things and I will get to them tomorrow after my grandson leaves later in day.

I will say ( although this had nothing to do with my 'relapse' the arguing on this site was stressfull for me to read on my bad days...but I stayed anyway...take what you need and leave the rest...I also do not do facebook. This site has more than enough good people in here to suit my needs...and yes, I will take the kicks in the butt as needed and deserved right now...but also enjoy the hug ( not feeling to deserving of them now though).

l had no access to computer when the fall came, thus no other lifelines in place either, not good. I hurt myself more than anyone.  I have yet to read anyones blog who relapsed and was glad of it.

My daughter-in-law , who also smokes, is very serious about quitting and she wants me to do this with her. We are VERY close...she is also a Nurse. Our quit date will be soon, although I can't say exactly when. You all ( provided you respectully allow me to come back here) will be the first to know of my new date.

Meanwhile, I am going to read Allen Carrs book and work on getting life lines in place. I will also go back and read blogs, even my own when I was doing so well in my quit. I need to really see whats going on with me and truly address it. I wish I could say I am quitting right this moment, but it would not be true. If I can give you all anything, it will be my honesty. I care more than you know about you all...I just need to get my act together and take you ALL with me from now on wherever I go...like I always did when I began this journey. I am not walking away from you anymore. Godbless and Goodnight!