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Mandolinrain

Bad days happen

Posted by Mandolinrain Champion Jun 18, 2018

But we don't have to smoke over them.

 

I used to though. A day like today would have made me smoke....alot.

 

Its darn near 90 outside and poor me.....I have to water this lawn twice a day.,...and its a huge lawn and it takes 3-4 hours when its this hot out. SO I am bloomin' mad. Hot...tired, plum worn out. I am sun burnt. I am a little peeved that my hubby didn't offer to help. I had just came in and showered and got comfy on this chair and my phone rang.....it was in the kitchen and I was tired to go get it so I asked him if he would please get it for me...I have a 90 lbs Doberman resting between my legs after all!!!!

 

So...he walks over picks it up and stares at it as it continues to ring 5 more freakin' times!!!! I say. " hello....would you please bring me the phone, who is it....."????? By the time he gets it to me it stopped ringing. It was his sister who wanted a recipe....( I know this because she then sends a text...) UGH!!!!

 

Okay...so now I am grinning, laughing. I tell hubby I am sorry. Im still tired. Its supposed to rain tonight, but the yard is wet now, so whatever, he says.

UGH!!!! REALLY??????? i WANNA SMOKE.......NO I DON'T!!! NO I WON'T.

 

I TURN 60 TOMORROW, POOR-POOR POOR ME, Oh for the love of.......

 

I am having a over-reactive- post menopausal , ex-smokaholic-stupendius -idiotic - childish tantrum....it will pass.....just like 59 is about to....lol

 

My point is.....Bad days happen smoking or not. 

I am NOT smoking over it.

I'm going to bed early and getting over myself.

We all will wake up a day older....I just want to wake up, lol and still be a non-smoker!

Good freakin Night!

Mandolinrain

kidney stones ugh!

Posted by Mandolinrain Champion Jun 10, 2018

I'm back , still worn but I am fine , so no worries. Just tired.

 

Just wanted to thank everyone for the support and prayers. I had 5 stones! CT scan showed that they were all small enough to pass and they did, but they took their time. I had to have surgery 10 years ago for stones that were to large to pass. I was worried it was going to be that all over again but am sure all the prayers stopped that.

 

Thanks again and to my sweet friend elvan who has been in touch with me checking in daily, aside from her own deteriorated health,....she still puts everyone else first. Love you my dear friend.

 

Now..new rule....NO MORE ILLNESS ON EX.....we have all had enough! Think healthy thoughts and lets ALL heal. 

 

And no matter what....Just don't smoke!

Its a daily thing , some days easier than others. But can you?

Maybe we should look at some reasons why we don't...put ourselves first~

 

1.  People Pleasing~Feeling judged by others

 

First off, we are responsible for our own happiness. We are not responsible to make others happy..that is their job and if you keep doing it for them , they will always expect it of you.

We will be judged by everyone no matter what we do or don't do for them. I think it must be better to be loved/cared about by people who accept and love me for who I am just as I am. If that is not enough then the saying for me is : They are a blessing or a lesson. My choice. Always has been, always will be.

2. Your Missing out on Something? 

 

Hmmmmm, afraid that if you don't stay caught up with everything, laundry, appointments, cleaning, yard work, friends company, helping others.....

that you will stay caught up with everyone else? Let me tell you a secret.,

It's gonna be there tomorrow too. If your feeling sick, overwelmed or just downright tired, for the love of God, do yourself, no wait..... do us ALL a favor and rest! Your getting yourself out of balance and your going to make yourself sick! If you need to ask for help ASK! It is perfectly normal to need help and ask for it....or just rest. Put YOU first for a change. 

 

3. Your Not Worthy

 

Oh boy, here we go. You feel as though you have to do everything for everybody because somewhere along the line, you were wired that way. Okay, so heres the deal....I just cut the wire for you, so now you can let go.

Feeling unworthy can lead to resentments and depression, and I am not speaking of clinical depression...just downright sadness. YOU ARE WORTHY!!!! Don't dwell on what others think you can or cannot do. You are a masterpiece as you are and quitting smoking is YOUR JOURNEY not theirs. Make it a priority....in fact...make yourself a priority. YOU deserve it.

 

4. Enabling

 

OUCH!!! Got me there....I have set myself up so many times to be responsible for others which actually just stops them from taking care of their own needs. I am not always alert to this fact, but am trying to be more aware. Could this be you too? It will knock me off balance fast allowing resentments to creep in. Don't go there.

 

 In Closing

ALL of the above can set you up to smoke

 

It is not our job to take responsibility to keep everyone happy. It is our job to to take care of our minds-body and heart...be proactive about it. Sleep when you need sleep. Be Grateful so you can keep things in perspective when they  do get out of balance. Go to the Doctor when your sick. Start taking care of you and that beautiful quit. Put yourself first for a change. It won't kill you but by NOT doing it....it may.

 

Learn to Say No and set boundaries

 

The above are just my thoughts. Its what my beliefs are on the subject and while it may not be yours, thats okay. No worries, we do not all have to agree.

Today I am home today resting taking care of me and thats okay too. I recognized I needed to. I know I can put my mind in a bad place if I don't and put myself at risk to smoke...if I don't. So I am putting me first today. I hope you can do the same for yourself.

 

Have a beautiful smoke free day

 

 

Dog gone it, I lost it. Not my quit...but nearly an entires  life work of portfolio of Client works of Art I did . 2 portfolios . Missing a rather large one of older material.....and a smaller one of more recent. Gone...! 

 

I had other things to do but I was asked to post a pic I painted so went to where I keep the portfolios and of course the ones I need are gone. Am thinking they got moved to junk pile during the move , accidentally of course.

 

I am not smoking over it and the thought is not even in my head to smoke. There was a day though...... oh yes...this would have set me into a real crave.

 

I am actually pretty mad right now, but I know it will pass. The last few days have been stressful at times. Yesterday my dishwasher decided to overrun and throw tons of water and bubbles all over the floor. My nearly 2 year old grandson just laughed...and I wanted to cry, but ended up laughing with him. AND oh the service department call I had to make from Sears.....UGH! Thats another frustrating call of waiting and prompts after prompts....Dang I wish PEOPLE would talk to you and not the stupid Prompts!!!

It is now fixed. Needed a new gasket. Well almost fixed. Gaskets ordered and they come next week to repair it.

 

My dog ran into my leg last night...He is a big guy and I thought I broke it. But no, its just sore but not broken. It too shall heal.

 

Am I being tested? Perhaps. I know what to do. I came here and blogged. I prayed. 

_____________________________________________________________________

I'm over it now. Not mad a bit. It could still turn up and then I will laugh about it. But if it doesn't, oh well. I will make new Art. I'm lucky I didn't suffer the loss many others have lost...like in fires, etc....

The Lesson:

I'm going to get away from me today and finish out helping someone else today. Getting away from me normally is the best the thing to do. Takes the focus away from my problem and help someone else. Its advice given to my my a dear woman I so loved and Admired, my own Nana, who passed many years ago at the age of 99. 

 

She understood that lesson very well and she passed it onto me. Now I pass it onto you.

 

Just Don't Smoke

Mandolinrain

Storms on the way

Posted by Mandolinrain Champion May 31, 2018

I can see it coming. The sky getting darker as I sit here typing. You can hear the low rumble far off in a distance. Even the stillness is beginning with the wildlife out in our woods as they hunker down waiting for it to pass.

 

My quit has been like that. Not so much now, but certainly at the beginning.

 

Hard days are surely going to address all of us at any given time in our life. As far as quitting goes though, we need to be prepared for the Storms.

 

The good news is, the storms WILL PASS. The sky will clear and the air will smell so fresh....thats you...stepping past the storm and making break for the sunshine, the cleaner air. Your senses coming alive and the gratification of knowing YOU did it. YOU waited the storm out and came out free on the other side.

 

Wherever you are in your quit journey.....know that the peace that comes after the storm is beautiful...and you will get to that point. I promise. As difficult as is is now...just think of it as your body fighting off the toxins and imagine yourself winning.

 

When you feel or see the signs of a Storm in your path...run ( don't walk) for cover. Come to Ex. Come to us...open your toolbox. We will protect you with all that we have.............you just have to trust us let us. We made it through because others here helped us. Now let us help you.

 

Have a beautiful smoke free day

Hey...the suns out!

 

Make your choices wisely.

Load yourself with all of the knowledge you can muster

So you understand why you are where you are now

AND

 How to get to where you want to be.

 

Don't walk into your quit Blind.

Be prepared.....

And if you already started your quit and your feeling lost

It's never to late to:

Research 

Learn

Apply

 

Your History does NOT need to be your Destiny.

 People~Places~Things

are not going to dictate your quit

Only YOU have that power.

 

It's yours for the taking

Today we took a drive to pay respects at the cemetery, family members and friends.

 

I used to take long power walks through the cemetery, it was hilly and very beautiful. There was this one little road I used to walk by. A young man, a soldier was buried there. He was only 19 when he died over in Iraq. I had read somewhere about leaving a penny at the tombstone to show you visited the grave. So everyday the summer before last I left quite a few pennies.

Anyway, One day when I went by to pay my respects and all of the penny were still there. I left another one. Just as I was leaving his Father pulled up and had tears in his eyes. He said he watched me approach his sons grave and leave the penny. He always wondered who had done that and he thanked me. We spoke awhile and I thanked him for sharing Andrews story.

 

That was a year ago. Today I left 2 new penny's at Andrews...ALL of the other penny are still there and today I even noticed a couple nickels. I even walked over and left some penny at some other soldier graves

 

I thought I would share this :

A coin left on a headstone or at the grave site is meant as a message to the deceased soldier’s family that someone else has visited the grave to pay respect. Leaving a penny at the grave means simply that you visited.

A nickel indicates that you and the deceased trained at boot camp together, while a dime means you served with him in some capacity. By leaving a quarter at the grave, you are telling the family that you were with the soldier when he was killed.

 

Perhaps you already knew of this tradition, maybe not....but its not to late to go to a cemetery today and pay your respects. The soldiers family will appreciate it. I know Andrews did.

God Bless

 

 

Thank you and God Bless

Ellen elvan messaged me a bit ago and asked me to let everyone know her computer has died.

 

She has her hubby looking at it to try to fix it. Meanwhile, she needs prayers as well, I think.

 

She's suffering a terrible headache and has to work tomorrow. I honestly don't know how she does it. Times are hard for her. Please lift her up in prayers. Her hubby Mike's Blood Pressure is also on the rise and his meds have been increased. He also needs prayers. Her daughter is there now and she is enjoying time with her.

 

I will keep in touch with her and update when ever I can. I am going to see if I can get my Moms laptop to send to her. We need Ellen online! My Mom was going to get rid of it anyway, I hope she still has it. Or if anyone has one......Let me know.

 

Happy Memorial Weekend everyone, stay safe! Drinking has ruined a lot of quits...I know Nancy Youngatheart.7.4.12, who I also need to touch base with, would want me to pass that on as well.

xoxoMissy

This is to good not to be shared. I hope she does not mind, Lisaml, this is her comment from a recent post.

This is for ALL OF US!

 

Thanks! Me, too.. 

these relapses really get under  skin. I can literally echo what people say, tweak it a little, and mentally consider my OWN relapse post.

 

its abundantly clear. We are birds of a feather. We could literally echo eachother. 

Today I felt (weak, hurt, angry, stressed.....) 

I couldn’t cope with the (insurance, inlaws, inbreeding,) 

i thought if I could just have ONE .....

i just needed some relief for today...

 

 

its the same for all of us.  Because it’s a terrible addiction that preys on people who need to (stuff emotions/cope/deal with too much) 

 

Beloved friends, there are days when we think we have reached the tipping point. But we don’t. We gather it all up and do it again tomorrow. Because smoking will only make everything exponentially worse. We KNOW this to be true. Please, please muster up all your courage, strength and arm yourself with the truth about this addiction. 

 

If you relapse, don’t continue it with the promise to “get back to it”. Get back to it NOW. That next cig might be the one to trigger your lung cancer. And if you “slip”? Don’t continue to slip. Own it, and get rid of the other 19 cigs in the pack. Otherwise it’s not a slip. Listen to the elders. They KNOW how to do it. And we all want what they have ;-)

This is not directed at one person. This is literally ALL of us. We are all in this together, and we are all holding eachother up. 

So get back up, please. We are counting on you!!!

Helpful YesNoLiked1Reply

When I quit smoking I was concerned my biggest fear was getting cancer and missing the social aspect of smoking. Now when I look back I see how stupid that was. A social aspect. Really?

 

When we would go out wth friends I had to slip away before-during-after meals or at functions to 'go -smoke'. Sure I had a few other friends who we slipped away together...but I really wanted the freedom the others who didn't smoke had. I was chained to these cigarettes. I had no control over them.

 

I also used them as a stress blanket. I felt I could not be comforted without them. They were always there for me. I even had to have a cigarette to make decisions. Yet I yearned to be free of them at the same time. They were a companion to me in many ways. They were also my worst enemy.

 

This site taught me what non smokers already know. That ALL of these things are achievable without smoking....after all they do it everyday. Now I do too. I'm a sensitive kind of gal, it's just who I am. I make no excuses and don't care to change that about me. God made me that way. I DID want to quit smoking and I did. I was scared and worried I would never be able to handle anything without them. Yet here I am, by the Grace of God and this site and all of you.

 

I'm still a sensitive kind of girl but I manage just fine without the smokes...a bit over 3 years now.

 

Nicotine addiction does not care about our background. Our status, educational level, emotional staus, color of skin, your paycheck...health condition, friends, family. Period. It only helps all the tobacco companies get wealthy at our expense.

 

Ask yourself , what exactly are YOU giving up and maybe you will see the deception on your back. People in Alcoholics Anonymous have a saying...they say Alcohol is cunning, powerful and baffling....I think Nicotine is right there with that. 

Nicotine is cunning powerful and baffling. What are you giving up? Really?

Mandolinrain

Noteworthy

Posted by Mandolinrain Champion May 11, 2018

Last one today, I promise. I'm on a roll I guess. Going to bed now... Just wrote this and decided share Goodnight, sweet dreams my beloved friends at EX AND, FYI...I did not lose my quit. Just relating memories from failed PAST quits.

Where did it go
I lost it yesterday
it was right here next to me
Yet i let to slip away

 

i was not paying attention
I forgot that it was here
How could I lose something so precious
Something so very dear

 

i lost it yesterday
i thought that you should know
How horrible it felt
When i let MY quit go

 

i don’t want you to experience
The pain I just went through
So be forever warned
what it will do to you

 

You will feel a sadness
An unexplainable realm of fear
You question yourself, if your able
As to HOW YOU got to here

 

The wisdom that used to get you
Just this far
Will feel just as far away
As every other star,

 

However it leaves you
This you must know…
Falling stars have landings
That lead you where to go

Falls happen for a reason,
A lesson, you may need
Hurting just little
As they plant a brand new seed

So your starting over
Theres no shame in that
However many times it takes
For the wisdom to stay intact

We have all walked before you
We understand where you come from
Let us help you with the burdens,
Together, we have won

I had a strong urge to write this one tonight as well

 

Believe in yourself

 

Too often we look up to someone else for that belief ...but what if...

What if YOU Believe in You?

It is not selfish to want something thats good for your body

It is not selfish to desire freedom from nicotine 

YOU MATTER

Quitting smoking

Losing weight

Being a better : Spouse-friend-individual

   YOU MATTER

 

I really felt compelled to write this.

Someone , needed it tonight.

 

YOU ARE WORTHY

YOU ARE IMPORTANT

YOU MATTER

You Can Do this and many other things.

Expect it...BELIEVE IT

YOU CAN DO THIS

 

BELIEVE IN YOU....

I ALREADY DO.

 

NOW ( As NIKE  says...)

'JUST DO IT' !

 

WE at EX...Believe in You

 

Pain comes to us in different forms. Actual Physical Pain, Mental Pain, Emotional Pain....we have all experienced them on some level and most likely we will again.

 

I want you to look at it in a different light today as it reflects the discomfort you are having quitting smoking/tobacco.

 

Pain is part of the process ( looking at it a bit differently )...but the end product should you decide to work through this pain will bring about a New Birth, so to speak.

 

Look at a Baby in the Mothers womb. He/she feels so protected there. All their needs are being taken care of. Then comes the discomfort...the 'push' or 'Crave' if you will...it comes and it goes. Sometimes along time, sometimes a short time. Followed by the birth. 

 

And its a beautiful thing. So will be your quit...if you PUSH through the pain.

 

 

Quitting Lasts forever considering YOU continue to PUSH as needed. Thats PRN ( As necessary ) for anyone who has a medical background.

You can do. PUSH!

Mandolinrain

When you feel unworthy

Posted by Mandolinrain Champion May 8, 2018

You could smoke over it. I used to.

BUT I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE

 

When I felt unappreciated. When you work so hard to say the right things, take time to listen, take extra time to volunteer  to help a good cause. Yet...one person can make you feel it was all for nothing. Never noticed...or perhaps did but left you to feel unworthy. Especially if this person runs the show, so to speak.

 

I could leave. Thats always an option. I could stay and stick it out because I know my value is more than apparently what this person thinks of me. 

 

BUT...

I'm not here for that person. I am here first for me then for all the people who have successful quits and for those who are trying to maintain their quit and for those who are treading the waters to quit. I remain here for them...and myself.

 

For now...

 

It was tempting though.... I came close to leaving over one persons view of me, or rather APPARENT view. I admit to reading between the lines, but I can read.

 

I have had an extremely full plate recently. So I am sorry if I just don't measure up here right now. I'm doing the best I can and somedays hanging on by a thread

 

BUT~I'm not smoking over it. I continue to be helpful here when I can.

 

Note: Since writing this, I have worked it out and am fine. Was partially a 'misunderstanding'. My apologies for my 'over-reaction'. I am over-extended and plum worn out. I am not leaving Ex. Hey, we all have our days and this was mine. I reacted out of plan old,need some sleep' which I intend to do now. Thanks EX Family for the love. YOU all are important to me. Thank you.

 

I also closed the comments. New Day...I'm over my silly self now. Have a great DAY and N.O.P.E.