Life of an ADDICT!

Blog Post created by leisha_sept_17_2013 on Aug 2, 2013

Good Morning..........even better, Happy Friday!

I had a moment yesterday evening where my junkie thinking popped into my head. My daughters were gone to a family dinner, and my husband was pulling out of the driveway to go fishing. The thought popped into my head, "grab a cigarette." Of course I didn't and the thought was quickly dismissed. All it was, was a memory of smoking. I used to wait until those moments came. When I would be home alone, because as a closet smoker, that's when I could do my best smoking. Chain smoke if I wanted and not have to worry about getting caught by anyone. It was an adrenaline rush. So, seeing him pull out, that thought popped into my head. Then I quickly remembered, "You don't smoke anymore, dummy, haha." That was a good feeling. So, I proceeded to put my workout clothes on and almost kill myself doing my Inferno workout. Much better than trying to kill myself with cigarettes...:) Way better feeling afterwards!

Having that junkie thought yesterday got me thinking about all the addict things that I have done in my life as a a smoker. You know those low points we have all had just to get our fix.

Smoking butts, hiding behind stores and peeking around the corner every other drag, (LOOKED LIKE A STREET JUNKIE), trying to dry out wet smokes, fixing broken cigarettes, giving birth to my daughters and walking down to the bottom floor of the hospital to smoke, smoking while preggo (HORRIBLE), hiding packs EVERYWHERE!, making excuses and lieing to get away to smoke, trying to get the smell off before going to doctor appts because of course I lied and wrote nonsmoker on everything, stole a pack of cigarettes from a store at like age 12, smoked in my hospital room in the shower so the steam would hide the smoke,,,,lol, DUMB!, stealing cigarettes from my mom, smoking while having the flu (I was so tough)..lol, smoking in the cold and rain, hiding cigarettes in the bar bathroom so my husband wouldnt see me smoking, buying SEVERAL packs after my first relapse and smoking one or two and throwing the rest in the fire only to buy another pack the next day, holding it til I was about to pee on myself just to smoke first on breaks, spending countless hours preaching to my daughters friends about how bad smoking is for you then sneaking out to the front porch to get my fix (hypocrit), and I'm sure a million other low blows, OH THE LIFE OF AN ADDICT!!!! Sure don't miss it!!



Break Free!