Hi everyone!! 🙂
Boy, I know it's been some time since I have been here. I have been busy living life. I can tell you a few months ago I thought that would be nearly impossible. I am still going to the gym 3 to 4 days a week for an hour or more if I feel like I can push myself. I have went from a size 24 (3x) to a size 10, if I am lucky a size 8. I still haven't reached my weight goal, but I am re-thinking that. I think with age (shhh) my body has changed and I will be happy losing fewer pounds. My doctors are happy, and tell me I am at a healthy place now. As long as I can keep exercising I am good. I have taken my nicotine addiction and transferred it to a gym geek.
Bill and I are seperating and moving on. We need to do so much.... have a giant garage sale and rid ourselves of years of "stuff", then decide what each of us want. We are needing to repaint the outside of the house and do some landscaping. He needs to finish 2 rooms in the basement... And then we can put the house on the market.
I am planning on moving out as soon as I can. Even though it was him who told me he didn't love me anymore, the lines are beginning to be crossed, and I don't want to make our final seperation any harder on him than I think it will be. For years (nearly 20) at least once a year he would ask me for a divorce. I always said no, that I wasn't going ignore my vows I took. After a few weeks HE always came around. This time when he asked, I said O.K.. I am ready now.
I gave him 30 years, the next 30 are for me. He doesn't like me going to church or the new friends I have met, and some old ones I am re-acquainted with. He is a drinker, and has a tendency to cuss quite a bit, and his mood can change on a dime. I would rather not be around that anymore. He doesn't like my independance. Of course he was my care provider while i was sick, a roll I think he grew to like..... a quiet me, one who would listen and do whatever he said, I couldn't go anywhere without him (near the end) and I think he liked the idea of being in charge of me.
Once healed and healthy I no longer needed a care giver, I needed a partner who wanted to live a full life. Anyway... this is difficult. I still love him - I always will, but now I chose to live my life fully and righteously, on my own terms.
I am to have my 6 months check up since surgery back at Oregon Health Sciences University next month. Which will actually make it about 7 1/2 months. I am excited for them to see how well I am doing.
I need to apologize for not coming here sooner and keeping in touch. I have also kind of let my blog go for a while. Bill is around me all the time and I would not want him to see his name mentioned in a blog. (he doesn't use the computer so there would be no chance otherwise). So, I am writing while he is in bed. I think of you all.... all the time and haven't forgot my friends here.
You all helped save my life. Had I not quit smoking when I did, I wouldn't be here today... and that's a fact! I owe you so much. I hope life has been kind to you and you are all in good health. We all have our struggles I know, just know you are all in my prayers. I love this site, and adore all my friends I made while here.
Hugs and much love to you all.
