It's the changing of the seasons again. My heart is heavy around this time of year; although Spring and Fall are my favorite seasons. It must be something with the darkness and the cold. It makes me nostalgic.
With nostalgia comes happiness and sadness. With emotion comes stress. I was wondering what my first bout of depression would be like without cigarettes.
Turns out, its just like the rest of my life without cigarettes. Just fine. I can handle it.
And once I came through it, I was so glad I didn't cave in! Because I'm not having cravings. No, the thought of having a cigarette is not appealing to me at all. It's the romancing. Its that relationship I thought we had. It's how I thought it was helping me through. It's all those lies that are interlaced with the good memories and good times that went along with them that makes me think they went hand in hand. Like an old boyfriend and a good memory when you are feeling lonely.
Luckily you snap out of it before you make the most stupid call of your life, or send an email, or leave a message.
I didn't even have to smell a cigarette to know that it wouldn't be the answer.
So now I'm looking forward to taking my new normal, and my new self into the future - without any of the old baggage, nasty habits or low self esteem...just to see what happens :)
Today is day 73...still wandering in No Man's Land
But I know I've got lots of company - a lot of people quit around the same time I did and are still successful. It makes me proud to be hanging out with all of you here.