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Acceptance Part Two

Posted by JustSharon May 31, 2017

I started this last night, sorry to leave you hanging but I was just to tired to keep my thoughts in tact. If you can remember one my last blogs : Where did I go wrong", this is a bit of a continuation there of. I may mention things that were said to me. though I can't remember by whom and only love is intended as no on said anything to me that wasn't true. One question asked of me was "how do we get through the excuses. I was told I have the answer to that.  I've learned that it is by acceptance. I can grasp that and I will tell you how that hit home in a minute.

Someone said self discipline=self esteem. True as that may be, I disagree. I believe acceptance breeds self esteem. something I don't have much of. Someone said you have to start to go somewhere...I'm ready for that. in little chunks until all I've learned is working for me and with me. 

How I've learned this, by my 31 year old daughter who so lovingly pointed out my self esteem issues. You see, she goes to AA daily and is in an outpatient alcohol treatment program. Yesterday I asked her to share with me self esteem when she learns it in AA. Fortunately that is exactly where she was in the program. We got into a lengthy talk about self esteem and the end result of all that was that I need to take time to take care of myself (quit smoking)so that I am here to take care of others. It's not that I don't know these things, its that I didn't know how to accomplish them. To hear my own daughter show me where I lack self esteem really hit the ball home.

Then came acceptance. One must accept their shortcomings and forgive themselves. One must accept themselves for who they are, not for who they think they should be. It's all so very simple really. After our little talk, we hugged hard and I cried my eyes out. Who would have thought that my "troubled daughter" would have the answers I needed.

Any hoo, I can accept myself for who I am and I can certainly practice putting myself first. What's it all got to do with quitting smoking? Everything! I must love myself in order to love others and accept that as my truth. When I accept all that, there are no more excuses. I will set a date real soon. I'm going into practice mode for a bit, weaning off so to speak and being vigilant about reading, studying and learning more about addiction first hand from my daughter. And there you have it. By acceptance I'm working on a new me.


Posted by JustSharon May 30, 2017 how to get through the excuses. More tomorrow, I'm tired and I really want to share more, so look for me tomorrow. Much love to my family!

Where have I gone wrong?

Posted by JustSharon May 27, 2017

This is a question I've been asking myself for days. I know how to quit smoking, I know why I should quit smoking, I have a very supportive family here at EX, I am well aware of what addiction is and how it works. I at one time quit for 3.5 years and those were some of the happiest years of my life. Why did I throw it all away then. EXCUSES! My Jake had been quit for 17.5 years and had gotten into a huge fight with our daughter, I can't elaborate, but for the fact that it was mean and hateful. I came in from outside to see if he had calmed down and I couldn't find him. I went to the garage and the car was gone. He came back, after all those years with a pack of cigarettes. At that moment in all the turmoil, I asked, "where is mine". I smoked and never looked back until a year ago. Funny how in this last relapse a week ago it's that same old story: trouble with our daughter. More Excuses. I just don't know what to do. How does one get past the excuses? I'm tired, I'm sick and tired of this game I'm seeming to play. I don't understand it and I don't know how to get all the good back.You elders have all the answers. Are you there now to help me?


Posted by JustSharon May 21, 2017

With deep regret, I must say I lost another quit. The say last week I watched my daughter be led out of a court room in hand cuffs, I near fell apart. I know we prayed for this once and that once she got no jail time. This other court she was expected to do 120 days, she only got 5. A blessing and an answer to prayer and she will be home when my grandson arrives. Watching her be handcuffed should not have been so bad and many of you may say I was just looking for a choice to smoke. Maybe I was, maybe I was. All I know is what I witnessed hurt so much, she is my baby.

Now here I sit with a broken quit and know I have disappointed you and myself. Problem is, I like smoking right now and I'm not sure when I will get back on track. I just wanted to be honest. Thanks for listening.

Mother's Day

Posted by JustSharon May 14, 2017

Happy Mothers Day all of you beautiful mothers here in Ex-Land! I pray for you a wonderful day with your Children, near or far. A Mother is truly blessed!

A Good Laugh

Posted by JustSharon May 12, 2017

Good Afternoon all. Finding it difficult to find the time to blog the last couple of days. I have a few minutes now and then we are off and running again. I'm having a wonderful smoke free day and hope that you are too! If you are struggling, I urge you to take some time to laugh, yes laugh! A good all the way from the belly laugh clears the lungs and makes you feel great. A good laugh breaks a tough crave. It will make you feel good and those around you feel like laughing too. Well, gotta go!

Another busy day!

Posted by JustSharon May 10, 2017

Our day starts out with a business meeting on Medicare and our insurance. Shortly after that our daughter has an appointment to keep and we will take her to that. Then later this afternoon its a long drive for another appointment for our daughter. That one we sit and wait for an hour and a half till her class is done. She can no longer drive and has court appointed stuff every where and nearly everyday. It's all a very long story and I shouldn't get into it, to protect her privacy, but I can ask for more prayers please as she goes to court again next Monday. If she has to do some jail time, I pray that is over and done with by the time my grandson (her son) comes home June 16, so would you be so kind as too keep her in your prayers. Any who, I like busy , don't have time to think of smoking. There are a few triggers along our route today, but they aren't near as difficult as they were a few weeks back! My prayer is that each and everyone of you find a peaceful, smoke free day!

My Serenity

Posted by JustSharon May 9, 2017

Busy Busy

Posted by JustSharon May 8, 2017

Just come to play on the playground for a few minutes, kick up my feet and swing. It's been busy with appointments all morning and with distance to drive has nearly taken up the day. My poor old legs hurt! I took some photos of my waterfall/pond, but they don't want to upload on my new computer. I guess I'll have to hunt down the CD to install some drivers. Tomorrow, that can wait till tomorrow. Jake just finished mowing the back lawn, I'm going to grab a tall water and head to my back porch. I love the smell of fresh mown grass! Anyways, it's another smoke free day and staying that way keeps me busy at times, like laundry and necessary things like that! Hope your smoke free day is going well!


Posted by JustSharon May 7, 2017

Not Here!! NOPE! Good Morning , how is everyone? We've got sunshine here this morning and I can't emphasize enough how sunshine affects my moods. The new mood stabilizer I'm on is doing "only OK", and it does nothing for me like a day of sunshine. With my poor old knees I can't get up and do the things I want. but I can sure spend time on my back porch enjoying the scenery. Yesterday Jake rebuilt the waterfall and it looks real pleasant. I can sit and listen to the sound of the water all day, without a smoke in my hand! Feeling comfortable with that??? I'm getting there more so with each passing day. Acceptance is something I have to work at daily and I'm doing that. Hope you all have a wonderful smoke free day!

A Better Day

Posted by JustSharon May 6, 2017

What a wonderful morning to wake once again smoke free. I don't like at all when I have a bad day as I did yesterday! I feel calmer this morning, a serene feeling. It's mornings like this that give me the courage to keep my commitment, Yesterday I almost threw it all away. What a difference a day can make. Moment by moment I got through fighting nicodemon all the way. I think the fighting threw him a good curve cuz he's not allowed here, nor been here yet. I have no plans for the day, so I'm going to spend it in my bed staying off my painful knees. Hopefully there will be a good movie or two on TV. I wish for all of you this peaceful feeling. Have a wonderful smoke free day, I know I will.

Dangerously Close

Posted by JustSharon May 5, 2017

This morning I was dangerously close to giving up my quit. I just wanted to smoke and I found I didn't really care if I blew it or not. First blog I read was by Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011 all about addiction, nothing I hadn't learned. But it still had more of a strong hold on me than I cared to admit. I was feeling a loss as I sat with my coffee and tears came to my eyes for missing the association with a smoke. Change has never come easy for me and quitting smoking has been one of the most difficult changes I have made. Chuck wrote in his blog entitled "CHANGES"

"The reality that’s so hard to see at first is that we’re not losing a thing, but we’re gaining everything! Never believe that change isn’t worth it! Never think that change is impossible because then you become a barrier to yourself!"

And a barrier to myself is where I found myself this morning. I'm not losing a thing and I can accept that. I guess to sum it up, old nicodemon popped up out of the blue and smacked me a good one upside the head.

I'm ok now. I'm not smoking, thanks Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011. Today is day 30.

Making the Most of It

Posted by JustSharon May 3, 2017

Good Morning friends. What a mantra this makes! I don't have much to say this morning but this graphic says just how my day will go. Wishing you all a beautiful smoke free day!

Tough Conversations

Posted by JustSharon May 2, 2017

Well, I did not sleep well at all last night. Sat up reading posts and watching TV. It's not all so bad, the quiet of the night is peaceful for me, usually.....Nicodemon decided to invade my time with his Filthy thoughts of smoking. No one would know, they are sleeping. Aw, but there are no cigarettes, ashtrays or lighters. Guess I had one up on him. OH but he says how easy it would be to get all those things back....again I fight as I can't walk to the store at 5 am, physically or mentally! Got him again. I just plain don't like the conversations going on in my head. They are tough. I know to expect them but that knowledge doesn't seem to make it any easier. This is not how I wish to spend my day! So I won't, I'll keep fighting to keep nicodemons  mouth shut. Sheer Determination!

I Did Not Smoke

Posted by JustSharon May 1, 2017

Thank you for all the support I received yesterday. After a long hot shower I dragged myself up and pulled myself out to that car and had a real nice day shopping with Jake and Shannon (my daughter). I did not smoke! I'm not smoking now and NOPE is my mantra for the day, For this day, because that is the day I'm living in! Let's not forget Chris Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011 wife, @ and Nancy while they all recover from their surgeries. I'm sending up prayers! Well onto reading and responding, have a great smoke free day. I intend to.