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My day as it goes

Posted by JustSharon Mar 31, 2017

Good Morning all. I started a journal this morning, full of tips that have been shared here that will help me along the way. I'm also journaling my thoughts and feelings on smoking and not smoking and thus far NOT smoking is coming out the winner.  Yesterday I practiced skipping a smoke at 3 different trigger points, while we were out shopping. I almost came out a winner as by the 3rd trigger I just had to light up. Today we are promised sunshine and temps in the 50's. I'm going to be outside planting flower seeds in my pots. I have a rock garden where I set out pots to weeds in a rock garden, gotta love it. Anyways, I'll be busy on a nice day and will smoke way less and I have chosen that when I do smoke, I will have given it  great thought whether I should or not. The 6th is just around the corner and I want my first quit day to go as smoothly as possible. Easier to quit a few cigarettes than 2 packs as I was used to. Hope you all have a great day!

Set in Stone

Posted by JustSharon Mar 30, 2017

I've been awake half the night and have now tired out enough to lay back down. I first wanted to blog. Today we have a busy day planned for shopping. My grandson Maison is coming home from Colorado late May. I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself! It's early yet I know, but I'm purchasing a bed and its trimmings to make him up a room here in my office. That's the only spare room I have since my daughter, Maison's mom, has the large guest room. We need to move my desk amongst other items to fit the bed and a toy box for his things. I chose a bed with drawers underneath, a nice space saver and have cleared room for him in another dresser. He will have to share closet space with his mom as my office closet is full of supplies that have no where else to go. oh I'm rambling, didn't mean to.

Anyway the moral of my little story  is that when I am this busy, smoking is minimalized and today there will be 3 separate trigger points while we are out, that I'm choosing not to smoke at any of them. A nice practice run. I still plan for my quit date to be April 6th and I am now setting that date in stone. In the meantime I'm practicing this deep breathing stuff, using relaxation music while I'm at the computer and reminding nicodemon to be packing his bags because come the 6th, he's outta here.

Have a wonderful smoke free day, I will be with you soon, joining the ranks of EXers!

I'm Still Here

Posted by JustSharon Mar 29, 2017

And even though I have fallen, I still have the need to blog a bit. I have a quit date in mind, but it's not set in stone yet. I chose April 6 because it is my birthday. It would be a new day, a rebirth. I think about quitting constantly, the thoughts whirling around in my brain won't leave me night or day. I can't seem to muster up the courage to just lay the smokes down. With a quit date in mind though, I can continue to work on it and choose to commit that day. I don't want to be a smoker, I really don't. I've been staying here for hours in a day just to keep hearing all the encouragement going around. It's helping.  Soon I'll take my place as a newbie once again, but with the wisdom I have gained in this last year of starts and stops.

Have a great smoke free day everyone.


Posted by JustSharon Mar 27, 2017

Just popping in to let you know that I am still learning and reading all of the wisdom and experiences of quitting smoking. I'm not giving up, I just need to begin and I'm just not at "there is no time like now". Wishing you all a good day!

Survive the storm

Posted by JustSharon Mar 25, 2017

Finding me

Posted by JustSharon Mar 24, 2017


@Marilyn.H.July.14.14. she wrote:


" start believing in yourself and be willing to go through the initial ups and downs that may take a few weeks or longer to get through but you must stick with your quit, Chin up and know in your heart and soul that you will be successful one precious smoke free day at a time."

I have been sitting on my back porch smoking for hours, dipping into this thick skull of mine trying to decide what my problem is. I'm getting no where in my head Then I came to read @Marilyn.H.July.14.14. blog to read this and my mind became to know that believing in myself is the key to unlock the door to freedom.. yet believing in myself I do not find. I don't know how to find it if I tried. I suffer from bipolar disorder (I'm on medications) and there are times my mind just races and its hard to hold on to a thought. There are often times of confusion and low self esteem. Right now that is where I'm at. I'm on all new medications and they aren't working well at all, being in this state of mind is proof of that. They took away the regimen I had when I was hospitalized after my hernia surgery. I was perfectly fine then, but they were concerned about my kidneys' so they removed the one medication that kept me stable and being myself. I felt normal then. Now I'm wrestling with feelings and actions that I do not like or want. Smoking is one of them. I'm going through indecisiveness over the matter. I have an appointment just about these meds on the 5th of April. I pray then that my old meds might be reconsidered. So now I've said it, shared it, who and what I really am. That was hard to do, but I felt it necessary to explain why I may be having so much trouble laying down the smokes and starting a new quit.

I want so much to believe in myself and be willing to go the distance, but for now I smoke. Thanks for listening.

Friday Blessings

Posted by JustSharon Mar 24, 2017

Fur Baby

Posted by JustSharon Mar 23, 2017

I did not get the puppy. The lady asked me to give her a text message to set up our meeting and so I did. I waited until 6pm last night for her to respond just for her to tell me she sold the puppy to someone else. That hurt.

Yea, I'm still here. How could I not be. How could I allow one simple hurt to set me back? How could I leave this family I have found and loved. The powers that be won't allow me to walk away. I've got to get this right. "Just do it" our dear Marilyn says and that lasted about 5 hours for me yesterday. Now tell me I'm not in the right place! I know I am. I don't know when I will begin another quit, I've only got me to decide that. I just know in my heart of hearts that I will recognize it when it comes.

I smoked my last cigarette moments ago. Joining the Ranks of an Ex Smoker!  blog/Marilyn.H.July.14.14. This is what she said  "There's never going to be a good time to quit smoking."  I knew she was speaking directly to me. As I read her blog it was like a swift kick in the ass and I knew with my heart at that very moment I was done. There is no more thinking about it, no more counting or tracking cigarettes, no more fear of having to start all over again, just a plain old there is no better time than now. It's probably already been said to me in some of the comments written to me when I relapsed, but this moment was God's perfect timing and you can't argue with that. Thank you all here that have stuck with me through this past week or so while I was being a miserable smoker again. Would you walk with me through day 1 again?

On a lighter note, I think I might be bringing home a new fur baby today. I lost my sweet dog almost 4 years ago and am now wanting to have a cuddler once again. She will come to me already a year old, so I hope she will take to us. What a perfect distraction for my new found freedom.

Good Morning!

Posted by JustSharon Mar 22, 2017

I just love Maxine and have been spreading her around in Laughter is the Best Medicine this morning. This one reflects how I feel this morning and I know many of you do too. Just having fun and wanted to share a bit of a different greeting this morning. Praying you all keep a good smoke free day.

Action Needed

Posted by JustSharon Mar 21, 2017

“Give Recovery a chance, give yourself a chance, give LIFE a chance!” a quote from @@Thomas Stuff Happens.

Since my relapse, I can’t seem to muster up the courage to give myself that chance. It’s all that consumes me throughout the day.

I have now added myself to the ranks of serial quitters. Since my early 30’s (I’m 61) I can’t begin to too count my feeble attempts at quitting. My best quit lasted 3.5 years and oh how I regret the day I gave up on that. I was so happy then, so free. That was only a few years ago. And now. 132 days up in smoke. It’s only been about a week since I quit on that quit. I wanted to jump right back and thought I had put my mind to it each day to put them down and start anew. Didn’t do it, chickened out. I like smoking and I hate everything about it. How is this so? ADDICTION, that is how.

I have just taken a break from this writing, went back to the boards and found this from a @@Thomas blog:Now that has turned some lights on in this tired mind of mine. Thank you Thomas. I can certainly try that, sounds so simple enough. I’ll keep you all posted. Thanks for listening.@

"You were not born with it.

 It sprang from a lie that your society and your culture have told you, or a lie that you have told yourself, namely that without this thing called smoking you can’t be happy or live without it. 

Just open your eyes and see how false this is. The first steps to stop smoking is to break this evil chain.

I have said before the ONLY reason you are afraid to give up smoking – or make excuses to postpone the day when you will stop IS the FEAR OF HOW YOU WILL FEEL WHEN YOU STOP AND REALIZE YOU CAN'T SMOKE."

Taken from : How to quit smoking  Just sharing something I learned and identified with.

Allow Spring into your heart "weather" or not the conditions look like it. Have a wonderful smoke free day!

I'm in better spirits

Posted by JustSharon Mar 19, 2017

I did so much thinking yesterday my brain hurts! I decided to get off the pity pot and accept my disabilities. There is nothing I can do about them right now and I don't look much past today, so what comes, what may. God's will is always performed in His time and His way. So what will be will be.

                                                                                As for the smoking, I don't plan to linger long, but since I picked them up just a couple of days ago, they have a grab on me. But as I said I won't linger long. My brain is still working hard and in its already state of exhaustion I need just a little more time. I've been reading blogs since 4 am, 3hours already and that is keeping me encouraged and motivated. I will continue to read until something clicks and I choose to lay those smokes down again. Keep on writing everyone, it's therapy for this old lady. Hugs to you all!

The Why and the Wherefore

Posted by JustSharon Mar 18, 2017

A couple of days ago when I announced that I had quit on my quit of 132 days, one of my comments from @Guilia, really got me thinking that she was right, I needed to say more and let others know why I had chose to loose my quit. Here is what Guilia had to say to me:


@Guilia "I was the one who made the choice. That is all I have to say."

That's not good enough, Sharon.  That's not good enough for me and others, especially new people, who need to understand WHY you made that choice.  

 "I made a conscious choice to pick up that first smoke"   WHY?  Since you know all there is to know about excuses?  Why?  Since you know what this addiction does to our bodies?  WHY?  

 You need to be able to understand the WHY for yourself and tell it to us too, so we don't make that "conscious" decision to put a cigarette in our mouths like you did.  

 I'm not letting you off the hook here, Sharon.  This isn't the first time around the block here for you in the relapse area.  Yes, I want you to take responsibility for yourself, but in a way that will get you past the point of no return.  You need to find out what it is that's giving you permission to put a cigarette in your mouth.  And if you have, but don't care, then you will never have a successful, long-term quit.

     It is known that I have been having health problems. I nearly lost my life Jan. 9th when I was rushed into emergency surgery for a hernia strangulation, I’m still recovering as my wound still is not completely closed and I still have discomfort from the surgery. Then there is 2 knees that both need replacing. My right knee at this time is the worst and I am using a walker for stability. For years I have had an unknown problem with my left foot that no Dr. Could seem to figure out, so over the years left unattended, I have a deformed foot that I can barely walk on for the pain. The ankle is now involved and tips inward towards the floor. The latest podiatrist I’ve seen won’t even recommend surgery foe there is just no bone left to build up and the ankle is full of arthritis.

I’ll sum that up now to simply say that the morning I gave up my 132 day quit, I was staring down a wheelchair that I knew I was going to end up in. I had a pity party claiming “what’s the point in having knee surgery if I can’t walk anyways because of the foot. I was facing the fact that my freedom, my independence was slowly being taken away from me. My freedom of choice was dwindling away as I faced having to depend so much on Jake to take care of me lately. I was the care giver around here, always have been a care giver, and it was all vanishing before my eyes as I sat there crying in pain.

And through it all, I got angry and wanted my old friend back because at that point I just didn't give a crap. Thus I smoked and I liked it and I hated that I liked it. More pity party. You see, I know there are so many people worse off than me and before God I have no right to complain. No right!

Did smoking help change anything? Of course not and I knew that when I allowed my addiction to have its way with me. Our good friend  @Chuck-Quit wrote a long conversation not long ago on how he came to achieve his forever quit and I printed that out. I'm going to use his example to quit again. I set a new date of April 6th because that is my birthday and I felt it a monumental day for a quit. I will follow the steps Chuck outlined in “are you Ready” in Conversations.

I’m not giving up, I can’t give up, I’m just having a very tough time with acceptance right now. It has not been worth it to have thrown it all away, I hope any knew quitter will understand that all or any excuse is unacceptable if you want to stay quit. I felt my best while I was quit and I want to get that back and I shall. Thanks for listening.

Here is a little poem by @mandolinrain that really sums things up:

If I have just one, Ill be right back where I started

  where I started was desperately wishing

  I was where I am today.

132 DAYS...

Posted by JustSharon Mar 16, 2017

Up in smoke. I made a conscious choice to pick up that first smoke and then another and another and yet another and so on. I don't blame addiction, I blame me. I was the one who made the choice. That is all I have to say.

Been Thinking

Posted by JustSharon Mar 12, 2017

I'm up early with leg pains and while still awake thought it to be a good time to blog since I haven't in a while. Been running around the boards reading and responding, and I must say there have been some wonderful blogs out there. I still get knew outlooks on quitting and staying quit. Since staying quit is a life long commitment, and takes work to stay that way, reading new and inspiring stories just keeps me refreshed. With just 128 days free, I'm still just a youngster around here. I encourage everyone to read and respond's the eye of the tiger.

(When you say someone has "the eye of the tiger" you mean they are focused on winning and not distracted.

Protect your quits my friends, that's what we live for now.

Better Days

Posted by JustSharon Mar 9, 2017

Hoping all is well with everyone. I kind of caught wind that several EX'rs were down sick. Flu season is still upon us, but not as bad as it was a few months ago. I got the wound vac off on Monday. What freedom to not be attached to that hose any longer. I will still have to go in for a bandage change 1x per week so that progress is noted, otherwise, Jake is doing a fine job taping me up. Shouldn't be much longer before my incision is fully closed. It's looking good.! I thank you all for your prayers during this tough time in my life....we got through it.

                                                                                        Now for even better news......125 DOF!!!

Have a fantastic smoke free day, you know you can do this.

Just some ramblings

Posted by JustSharon Mar 6, 2017

And yet another day for a wound vac change. Saw this little cutie (ha) this morning and know they always want me on the scale as well. I'm ready to slap someone over this. I usually tell them I'm overweight and that's all they need to know. No one thinks its amusing.

   And another thing. I refuse to let this constant not feeling well and pain in the legs get me down! I had a fantastic Sunday laying in bed, being pampered by Jake and watching my lg. screen TV. Saturday I had my hair cut and I did feel like a million bucks! I'm going to get my daughter to get a couple of photos and change my avatar. That photo is a year old now.

   GOOD MORNING friends and fellow exers.....Hoping everyone is still smoke free this morning or at best, really trying. Not smoking is right up there on top of my list as the best thing that's ever happened to me...maybe it should be the first. This community has been a godsend and I pray every newbie who arrives will know that as well. Giving up isn't easy, but it doesn't have to be that hard either. It's mind over matter or matter over mind.

   Here's one I've been pondering: The majority of us smokers began by wanting to be cool, to be with the in crowd, to be accepted. Why were we so different or what was so wrong with us that we didn't fit so well with the others. God know that first cigarette tasted so foul and smelled so bad. Why were we thinking the way we were. I'm thinking we were born with the addictive gene. What do you think?

   Hope you have a blessed smoke free day!

Yet another Saturday....

Posted by JustSharon Mar 4, 2017

and I've been awake since 2 am. Already had my vanilla latte at the café and responded to posts. I thought I'd do a blog as long as I'm still awake. I have mentioned before that I have 2 knee replacements I'm waiting on. My right knee is completely bone on bone and the injection I took last week did nothing. I have since developed severe aching and throbbing in both my legs clean up through my thighs. My doctor is running all sorts of tests to see if disease wise something new is going on or if the pain is from my knees. All I know for sure is that I'm not smoking over it. Smoking never did take pain away though I had thought at one time that chain smoking would. Those kind of thoughts are surely addiction speaking. I'll admit I toyed with the thought of smoking over the last few days, but I knew just where that was coming from. I believe craves all come from the mind and triggers from our surroundings and that both can be controlled easily with the right tools. We make quitting hard on ourselves and it just doesn't have to be. My first 2 weeks was hard because I dwelled in that place of doom and I know now I didn't have to be there. Keep the mind busy and in a safe place. Literally walk away from the triggers even if they are only in you mind. You don't need to smoke and you won't die from withdrawals!

    I have an appt. today for a long overdue haircut. I always feel like a new person walking out of that salon. This will be my first trip since I quit smoking. Thank God I can disconnect from the wound vac to have my hair done and Jake will be with me to help me walk from the chair to the shampooer and back. Should be interesting. Well, time to close this up and maybe do a bit more reading. Have a beautiful smoke free Saturday!

Happy Friday

Posted by JustSharon Mar 3, 2017

and it is a good morning, hoping it is for all of you. Well, the wound vac isn't going to come off for about another 2 visits and that will be if I've healed enough for  home bandaging. I was a bit disappointed, but this little unit really doesn't bother me.

     Not smoking is what makes it a very good morning. Coffee tasting good makes it a good morning as well does not freezing my butt off outside. So much to be grateful for!

     Here is a quote I read this morning that I would like to share:   Don't judge yourself by your past, you don't live there anymore". I think of all the years I spent smoking (42 +) and I can really get down on myself for that, so this quote had some real meaning. Maybe it does for some of you.

     Being as I cannot have my knee surgery for 6 months and the one knee is in such pain, I can barely walk, my day will consist of a lot of rest. OK by me, I've got a comfy bed and a large screen TV. A no smoking place. (never has been) It's so nice not to have to smell old smoke. There are so many benefits besides health to not smoking, I pray some newbies learn that. I pray they accept the dangers to their health and learn by that to.

     Well all, I'm just rambling on this morning, think its time to close up this blog. Have a most wonderful smoke free day and enjoy sunshine in your heart as the weather has been just plain nasty around the states.

Hoping so for all you friends and fellow ex'ers. Here we are about to wind up our first week of March already. Sure wish it could slow down just a bit!

     Today I go for yet another wound vac change and if all has gone well since Monday, we may get to remove that and have Jake do bandaging at home and only take a trip to the DR. once a week. It's been 8 long weeks already, sure could us some at home treatment and Jake makes a fine nurse .

     8 weeks.... that means yet another 8 weeks of not smoking and 8 weeks entirely for Jake. I've added back coffee since I had given it up early on in this quit, and it sure tastes good! We are back to enjoying our back porch on a sunny day, chilly as it may be. We had some of our best conversations there. Life does go on without smoking and once you get over past or through those triggers, you too can enjoy things and times you had once given up.

     Have a fabulous smoke free Thursday!

To all of you....

Posted by JustSharon Feb 28, 2017

HAVE A WONDERFUL SMOKE FREE NIGHT, another day one at 116 DOF.