2 YEARS, $8694.00, 20,456 cigarettes and 1 1/3 miles!

[Julia_Amy]

Good morning everyone!  Well, today is 2 years since I quit smoking.  I think I really did not believe I would be here today writing this.  Might as well think I could grow wings and fly to the moon!  Yet here I am!  It is safe to say I had to take a total leap of faith.  The words here from so many people allowed me to take that leap.  I thank you all.  It was not easy...there are people here who said it was easy, they were happy quitters, could laugh from day one....God bless ya!  Unfortunately, I was not one of those people.  I tried to be, tried the happy happy happy attitude, just wasn't there.  I did better allowing my feelings to be what they were and fuss through it.  And fuss I did!  I cried, I mourned, I fought minute by minute the miserable cravings.  I also read read read here.  I learned a little more everyday that the problem was addiction, ADDICTION in case anyone missed the word.  Once I really really learned that, the road got easier.  I had to reframe it in my head.

 1)  It helped me enormously to realize that addiction takes on a life of its own and should be treated as a seperate entity.

2) Addiction loses its power with EVERY SINGLE crave you work through, even though you don't know it at first.  I actually began to embrace the "battle", I knew I was getting stronger and it was getting weaker.

3) Cravings, of any power at all, are finite, there is an actual number of them you will have, you just don't know the number (kind of like labor pains!) now but they will end.  Everyone you have brings you closer to the last one that can actually tempt you.

4) you will have bad days after it has started to get easier, that does NOT mean you have gone back to the beginning or that you always will have bad days.... do not get discouraged and do NOT give up. 

5) distractions WORK! Get busy, don't sit there like a victim!  Get up and run in place, if you're in public, go to the bathrm and run your hands under cold, cold water, bite a lemon, bite your lip if you need to...WIT!!! (what it takes)  I think Maggie and Aztec have lists of little distractions on their pages.  All you need is to buy a few minutes and the d--n thing will go away.  Yes, at first they come right back, it will get better and better, longer spaces of time inbetween. In the mean time, distract, distract!  Keep an open mind, I was surprised at the tricks that worked. 

6) When the addiction nags and begs and rants and rationalizes, see as you would a four yr old throwing a temper tantrum,  My daughter told me about babysitting for her little brother who was begging her to let him jump out of his 2nd floor bedroom window into the snow outside.  He fought with all the mental stategies he could come up with, tears, begging, shouting, berating etc.  Would it surprise you to know that my daughter never even considered letting him do something so deleterious to his health and well-being?  Of course not.   Well, we need to think of and talk to our addicitions' temper tantrums the same way when they try to get us to do something even more potentially deadly than my little one jumping out of a window.  Addiction is NOT the voice of reason around here.

7) For God and your sake!  Take responsibility for yourself!  Your wife/husband/sister/brother/friend/enemy/neighbor/mailman etc can NOT make you smoke and no one here will believe if you try to say someone made you smoke. 

😎  Stressful situations make you want to smoke....yes they also make you want to wet your pants sometimes but do you?  I know it is hard to believe at first, but smoking doesn't make it better.  Think about it....it is a stimulant (to already jagged nerves), it constricts your blood vessels which increases your blood pressure which is probably already elevated, your heart rate goes up more and you get less oxygen to your brain...maybe you need a minute alone but it doesn't have to come in form of a cigarette...go outside and deep breathe, you will be in a much better place to deal with the stressor.

9)  It helped me to ask myself "what do you really need right now?" It was surprising to find that I ignored my needs, basic and more complicated, and actually accepted that miserable stinking, life-sucking cigarette in place of seeing to my own needs. Some consolation prize!   Pathetic. 

10) Ask for and accept help....come here, read and read and blog when you want but ALWAYS when you need to...always before you smoke. his place is amazing...it gives out free tool boxes to anyone who asks.  Take one, open it everyday,  When you invent a new tool, share it with us.

11) I'm a loser, I didn't do this one but I'm going to pass it on.  Save your not-smoked-cigarette money.  If you're broke and can not, save all of it, save $1. per cig pack you would have bought.

So, two yrs later.  I started working and the craves hit, but they possess no power.  I guess it is actually habit.  I DO laugh at them.  And that addiction roar?  It's a little comical squeek.

I have to get ready for work but quickly to my dear dear friends...thank you for your messages, I cherish them, truly.  Daughter is doing well, will have to have surgery still but prognosis is far better than at first believed. May even have time for a baby!  Won't know until one more test in June.  Eventually surgery is only cure but... I know "it aint over 'til its over" but it looks so much better!  Daughter number two is having a baby girl!  I love my job but it sucks up all my time!  Missing you all. 

Good thoughts and prayers for all you new guys....listen to all, nice and not so nice, everyone cares and, in his/her own way, brings something to the table.  As is often heard here, take what you need and leave the rest.  By the way, 1-1/3 miles is how far cigs not smoked by me laid end to end would go.