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2015

I said the same thing when I became 55 years old "staying alive @55", but I did not quit.  Thank God I am still alive. I don't know how or why I thought smoking would just simply go away without me doing something about it. .  Out of 7 siblings I am the only one that smoked.   My parents never smoked so what when where how is another story.  

Here it is 155 days smoke free.  In the beginning I believe I subconsciously feared relapsing.   I recognize now that was my addictive mind lieing to me. Today I stand firm in my committment for a forever quit.  No, it did not happen over night but through this journey of recovery, I see that I am stronger than my addictive mind was saying.  The things that I thought would be triggers are not.  Yes I may have urges but nothing is going to make me pick up again.  I am committed to my quit.  Even after saying this, I know there are times that I will be tested.  But rest assured you will not see me on the  I slipped blog. I don't do  that anymore.

 I can say with a no matter what attitude you can win at being a nonsmoker.  I think the  # 1 excuse for relapse may be STRESS.   I understand that stress differs from one individual to another.   The bottom line is you have to know, trust and believe without a shadow of a doubt that smoking a cigarette is not going to solve anything.   Really, how can it?  NOPE Not one puff ever. No matter what!  It has been proven through many of you that  even if  you lose your job,;ose youir home, car breaks down, have an argument,  financial crisis, death, birth,  sad, depressed, lonely, hunger, you name it  you don't have to smoke.  No emotion can be satisfied with nicotine.  So let's live life smoke free.

JACKIE1-25-15

Ironic

Posted by JACKIE1-25-15 Jun 23, 2015

I just watched one of the no smoking commercials. Pretty graphic.  I have recognized that as a smoker I paid very little attention to them.  I may have even made smart remarks like "those commercials are designed for people who don't smoke."    "who believes that"?

About a year ago I was in the beauty salon and a conversation about the commericals arose.  The jest of the conversation was  how could a person still smoke after seeing those commercials.  I was quiet.

Now being a non smoker I am literally shocked when I see or hear one of the commercials.  My heart starts to beat faster, they seem to be more graphic and I am paying attention.  The commercials have really taken on a new life.  Whew!  Maybe those commercials are designed mostly for people who don't smoke or exsmokers.  As a nonsmoker the impact is greater.

To those who have just quit or recently set your quit date.  Know this.  There is pure true peace in the valley of nonsmoking.  It is filled with so much joy and happiness.  Something a cigarette can never give.  It may be rough in the beginning but as time passes a certain peace will emcompass your entire being.  There will be a quiet, calm, inner love for yourself that smoking took away.  In the valley of nonsmoking you will love yourself more.   So ride the waves of the storm but know it will not last forever.  

No matter how hard it may seem at times, it is worth every crave, every urge, every withdrawal, every emotion what ever it takes do it.  Your life will literally change. A new awareness about yourself.  The things that you thought were important may not be. The things that are will be ....Choose .Life.  

 If we give ourselves a chance there are so many other things that are more satisfying than smoking.  I am just so elated that I don't have to smoke to try and fill a void that could never be filled with a cigarette.   Find the things that you like that will lead to your peace. Is it music, books, exercise, yoga, walking, jogging, movies, travel, family, gardening, crafts, helping others?   Whatever it is, do it.  And you will find  peace in the valley of nonsmoking.  From a nicotine addict with 149 days of freedom.

JACKIE1-25-15

I said

Posted by JACKIE1-25-15 Jun 16, 2015

"God I feel so good".  He said "because you have quit smoking.  (truth)  Day 142 and I am feeling wonderful.  Not too much thought about smoking.  Haven't had any urges or cravings that aren't a "flick of the bic or flip the switch". Things have been going well. I do not want to forget from where I came and become complacent in my quit. . That terrible drag, pull of withdrawal.  I do not want to experience that ever again.  It is not always easy but as the Elders say "doable".

Quick thoughts: I have noticed that when someone relapse it "appears" they may not have stayed connected to the Exteam for support. I have been reading a lot of the blogs but don't have a lot of time to comment.  I wish all of the newbies well.  Congratualtions to all on their milestones. Again thank the Elders for being here.  Carry on.  Best wishes to all who are dealing with serious health issues and other life crisis.  Not one puff ever will take you through.  Smoking can not fix it. .

I do have concerns of working with a new business partner that smokes.  Whoa!   We will have to be in her vehicle to begin with this evening because she knows the route. . Don't know how it is going to work out but hopefully I won't have to terminate the business venture. We will be working very close.  I will see. How do you ask someone not to smoke in their own car? Gheez!  NOPE No Matter What I am not going to Smoke.

P>S> Is it over the hump day? Oh, I'm retired.

JACKIE1-25-15

Still learning

Posted by JACKIE1-25-15 Jun 12, 2015

In my quiet time my mind tells me things that I did not recognize when I was a smoker.  For years my brain told me that I was hungry  or thirsty and I would smoke a cigarette.  After the meal I smoked.   For years my brain said I was tired ....I smoked.   Relaxed...smoked.  Bored...smoked.  Lonely....smoked.  Worried Angry ....smoked.  Frustrated...smoked.   Excited ...Happy smoked.  

How in the world could a cigarette satisfied so many different emotions?

Answer: an illusion, a lie, a addiction. 

I am learning to deal with all of these emotions without a cigarette.  Yay! 138 days of FREEDOM'

JACKIE1-25-15

Changing

Posted by JACKIE1-25-15 Jun 10, 2015

Yes some of us do still have thoughts of smoking. Maybe not as frequent as in the beginning of the quit.  We wonder when they will go away.  The elders say "in time" you will think of smoking less.  I have seen post from those who have had several years quit and they acknowledge thinking of smoking. Today I have decided to make a change about my thoughts of smoking.  When I start thinking about smoking I am going to remind myself how I felt when I was smoking. I will reflect on it. So thoughts you can come if you want to but I am changing them back to ...........................

1) I hated it.

2) I could not stand the smell

3) Was tired of spending my money

4) Ashamed and embarassed that I smoked/low self esteem

5) Teeth and gums damaged

6) Fear of disease and illnesses The Big C

7) It wasted a lot of my time

8) I felt stupid sucking in smoke and blowing it out.

9) Damaged clothes

10) I said if I ever get to another quit it would be the last one.

This is it! I will never put another one in my mouth!

I pledge this day and forward to change my thoughts.  Bottom line even  If I think it I will not act on it.

I am Done.  When I say I am done I am Done.

 How ya doing?  Hope everyone had a smokefree day. I am just getting here to say hello 135 days and the restr of my life to go.  Got to catch up on the blogs and such.  Have a good night.

Making a very long story short. Spent  time around several smokers this weekend.  Went fishing with one on Saturday and helped them pack Sunday.  Another stopped by for a visit on Sunday.  I am okay.   Still smoke free.  I had forgotten about the very few associates that smoke.  When I was smoking it seemed that I was the only one. I should not be suprised of their mentality.  "If I quit, their smoking should not bother me."  I recanted what if I was a heroin or crack addict would that still apply.  Tried to educate about all the toxins in a cigarette and nicotine addiction.  I know it is up to an individual so I did not brow beat anybody. No I did not want to smoke.   Watching one blow smoke was a reminder how stupid I use to feel when I smoked. At one point a cigarette pack was lying in front of me. Oh my !  I thought of it as a snake and got away from it very quickly. 

Even though I did not smoke, I believe that there is some residual affect on the brain after being around them.  Yes I live in a world where people smoke.  I can not allow that to bother me but I can be more careful about who I associate with.   Back to avoiding smokers as much as possible because I am a nicotine addict.  Another day smoke free and  back to one day at a time.  134 DOF Onward upward !

NOPE. 

Not in my hand, not on my lips, not on my tongue, not in my lungs, not in my nose,not in my clothes.

JACKIE1-25-15

Another Smokemare

Posted by JACKIE1-25-15 Jun 6, 2015

I dreamed I was out dancing showing my friends some new dance moves. The next thing I knew I was taking this  One longggggggggggggggggggg drag. This was not a puff, but like i wanted to get it all in that one drag.  I didn't  realize I was smoking until I looked in the mirror and I stopped immediately. I didn't even know how I got the cigarette.  None of my friends smoke. They really did not see me, they  smelled it and mentioned it. d It was disgusting, could not believe I had done that. Glad I woke up.  Whew

I believe dreams subconsciously try to relay a message.  Got to figure this one out. Maybe reading blogs before I went to bed last night. Whew lol. smh Have a smoke free day. I am a non smoke.  I only smoke in my smokemares.

In the tone of my Daddy a Southern Baptist Preacher

I"M GLAD! "That I don't do that anymore." Yes! 130 days smoke free.Yes!

 I'm so happy to wake up  without that extra awful yuck taste in my mouth. Yes!.

 I'm glad that I am not getting out of bed just to get a cigarette. Glory!

 I'm so glad that I don't have to buy them any more. Praise God!

I'm so glad that I have saved over $390.00

 I'm happy that I was introduced to this site, Yay! 

I'm happy knowing that I have  freedom from nicotine. Hallelujah!

 I'm glad to have met you all and wish you the best as we move forward in our smokefree lives. 

I just want to jump and shout, raise my hands and dance.

Can I get a drum roll, somebody strike the tamborine, can I get an amen, clap your hands, stomp your feet, get up and dance, come on let's shout! 

Are you with me. Say Yeah!

I'm free!  I'm free, thank God I'm free from that nicotine.  Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tell me, can I get a witness? 

Are you glad?

JACKIE1-25-15

What the hell?

Posted by JACKIE1-25-15 Jun 1, 2015

Yesterday with 126 days under my belt I questioned What? When? Where ?How ? Did this craving come so subtlely. Too much sugar, chocolate, coffee?  Huh? what the crap!  Not enough sleep, tired?  I would rather call it a trigger maybe??? Flabbergasted!  I knew I had to deal with it but at that moment I finally understood how one could slip .  Now I see it is possible if you go into the absent minded zone of ADDICTION.  Where you are not in control but the ADDICTION is. 

 Several days ago I was posting positive blogs and now I got to deal with this #$%!.  I realized that sometimes we may have to go all the way back to the basics "very quickly".  I started singing my song under my breathe. " Not on my lips,  not on my tongue, not in my lungs, not in my nose not in my clothes" Still blowing and breathing, telling myself I am not going to stop at the store to buy cigarettes like my ADDICTION was whispering, telling me lies how good it will feel. Day 126 was not the hardest day but still learning more of this ADDICTION and protecting the quit.  Yeah now day 127 still smoke free. A little stronger. NOPE