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2013
IrishRose

Death

Posted by IrishRose Dec 9, 2013

I have been quit for three and one/half years.  Hospitals used to be a major trigger for me, but I must admit that with all the trips to and fro with my husband, that trigger has worn itself out with me.  I do not have cravings to smoke when I enter hospitals anymore. 

Death is another trigger I must overcome now.  My brother died during Thanksgiving week, and my heart is so heavy with grief.  I have had to fight with myself to stay smokefree.  I continue to stay in the forefront as a winner, and what was a full-fledged battle last week, has become frequent attacks this week, but that trigger remains with me as I speak.

I keep telling myself, "You have not smoked in so long, and you are going to allow yourself to buckle under now?  What would Eddie (my brother) think of that?"  If anything, I would not want him to think that I started smoking because he died.  He would be heartbroken.  Even though he is gone, and if there is any truth to the thought that loved ones stick around and watch over you after death, I would not want to break his heart.  I did that enough times when he was alive, as he was more of a father figure for me than my own Dad. 

May he rest in peace knowing that I am not going to smoke because of his death.  I loved him too much to do that.  This thought keeps me smokefree.

Love to my Ex-Family here.  Know that smoking does not solve a single problem in your life, nor wash away any sadness.