In case you don't think we Elders know what it's like... I wrote this on the 54th day of my quit back on the first support site I joined.
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I have lost my sense of humor and am not enjoying myself. Oh, I suppose and hope it's only temporary. Can I just vent a little here? Yeah, I know I can.
So in January I got hit in the eye by a tennis ball and my humorous vitreous separated from my retina. Was told to lay low. So I did. I am not a person who likes laying low. I'm a CHARGE ahead type. Ok, so I see dark spider webs floating across that eye and Olympic gold flashing circles now and then. And my eye sight is a lot worse in that eye. But I can deal with that. Then in Feb. my tooth was killing me. That made me lay low. Then I stopped smoking March 1st. And we all know what THAT's like. Then I had to have the tooth extracted. I know, lots of people are missing teeth, but this was my first. Then the beginning of Apr. my achilles were so bad I went to an orthopedic surgeon. He put me in a walking cast and said wear it for a month, then do physical therapy for two months. Forget that. I am wearing the cast but began PT immediately.
Now I'm about as frustrated as one li'l ole non-smoker can get. It's just been one thing after another. (Gary, you know.) And as we all know stopping smoking changes metabolism - slows it. AND makes one eat more. Or WANT to eat more. And I HAVE been eating more. Trying to eat non fattening more, but it's still more.
Finally got so disgusted with the way I looked I started doing at home weight workouts again. Which is all fine and dandy but doesn't do a thing for taking off the weight. And I WANT TO PLAY TENNIS and I CAN'T. And I want to do aerobic workouts and I CAN'T. And I want to chain saw and haul wood and I CAN'T. And I'm PISSED! And I'm not thrilled that I'm not smoking. I don't feel all wonderful and free and healthy and like I'm gonna live forever. I feel like I want a cigarette and can't have one.
No, that's not true. I don't want a cigarette and I can have one.
Oh I don't know if I want a cigarette or not but I'm in turbulence. And thoughts say I felt happy and satisfied when I smoked. Well, satisfied at least. Definitely satisfied. And there's still an emptiness in my gut, an unsatisfied feeling. And I truly believe smoking would cure that. After I got over the dizziness. It would not solve my problems, but it would cure the unsatisfied feeling. It would make me feel replete. And replete would mean happy.
HOWEVER, I won't smoke. Period. I know that it is simply my programming that has made me feel the way I do. It is not truth. The Truth is the way I was before I ever began smoking. The Truth is that I don't need a cigarette to feel replete, that I am replete without it.
the truth is - that doesn't help.
waaaa waaa waaa
Giulia
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I believe what creates a long-term quitter is that one sentiment: "HOWEVER, I won't smoke. Period." (I didn't know that at the time, of course. It's only in retrospect that I've come to understand that.) No matter what happens, no matter how much you may want one, the answer to the desire of putting a cigarette in your mouth, lighting it and inhaling it, has always got to be NOPE.
The good news is that that lack of satisfaction, repleteness I spoke of - does not last forever. The good news is that now, rather than kill for a cigarette, I would kill if someone tried to force me to smoke one. The good news is - I don't have to do that any more. And neither do YOU!
Be free. Hang in until it happens for you. Then stay free. No matter what!
