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2015

Going through old posts that I had copied - I came across this one.  Too bad this person is no longer active on the site.  But go to his page, click on Blog (under his avatar).  You can read his whole journey.  Schwack 

Newbies - this is a good tool when you're having a craving.  Click on someone's page and start reading their blogs from first to last.  (When you click on Blog under their avatar you will be taken to a page with some of their blogs listed.  The last blog they wrote will be listed first.  Above that will be a bunch of numbers in boxes.  Click on the last numbered box, scroll to the bottom  and start reading from there for their first post.)  Click on the following link to get to those with over a one year quit who are still active on the site.   Elder's List   It's listed on my page (also Smorgy's)  if you ever want to find it.

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(July 17, 2010 by Schwack)

Knew I had something on my mind today.  Couldn't quite figure it out.  Spent some time today thinking about how much I spent on smokes over the course of 26 years, ended up being well over $100 thousand dollars.  And how much of that did I actually get to smoke?  That one time (the one that happened a few dozen times more than once) when I'd wake up, groggy, out of it.. put a cig in my mouth, stand over the toilet, lighter slips out of my hand and plop!  right in to the toilet.  Awesome.  Expletive.  Used a lot of those when that happened.  

What did I do with my smokes?  Where are my cigarettes?  I'd do 50 laps around the house, scour every surface, scan every cushion, pillowtop, desk, dresser, kitchen floor.. rummage through the back seat of the car.  WHERE THE **** ARE MY FREAKING CIGARETTES?!?!   WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY'RE GONE?!?   Car.   Store.  Now.  No gas.  No money.  Oh good.  Of course not.  SWEET.  back into the house, 50 more laps.. nickel here, quarter there.. OOO!!  A dollar bill!!  1.75, 2.25.. come on man COME ON .. more laps.. more overturned drawers  3.80.. DO I HEAR 5 DOLLARS?  GOT IT!!  Walk to store with all this change after all that effort to get that one pack of smokes.

Driving in the car... music is loud, I'm rockin.. I'm smooth, summertime.. smoke hangin out my mouth.. look at me, Joe Camel man... lit cigarette drops from my mouth and into my LAP!?!?!?  ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?  WHAT THE (SWERRRRVE, SCREEECH!!  HOONNNNKK!!)  OMFG WHERE IS IT!!  MY SHORTS?  Its hot around the CROTCH?!?!?  OH MY GOD NOT THERE, NOT AROUND THIS CORNER AT 25 miles an hour!!!!! (SWERVE, LAP THRUST, HONNNK) 20 people flip me the bird.  GOT IT!  now its on the floor!! still lit!  OK REALLY DUDE?  REALLY?  Pull over.. Man that sucked.  Now I just wasted a cigarettte and the inside of my thigh is scorched.  Time to light up another one.

Laundry.  Wash day.  Gotta be at work in 30 minutes.. Clothes are in the dryer.  (Where are my cigs?)  sigh.. time for 20 laps again.  BUZZ!!  Dryers done!  gotta get dressed!!  Open the dryer door.  Tobacco.  LOTS of it.  Oh good, I found my smokes.  My clothes are wearing them, all thirty thousand pieces of them.  Quite the ensemble for the day!  Walkin around at work.. stuff to do, places to go.. smokes?  Where are they??  Gotta have one!  feel my pockets nothing.. feel my back pockets.. a bulge.. a very flat bulge. A very bent, crushed half a pack of cigs.  Fantastic.  Try to light one, has a tiny hole in it.  Not getting the nicotine I needed!  GOD I HATED THOSE DAMN LITTLE HOLES in smokes!!  Maybe I can bum a smoke off someone... "Hey you got a smoke I can... ??"  I asked that question at least 1000 times in my life.  How many times did I rummage through the back of my car through a garbage pile of empty cigarette packs, dead lighters, cellophane, and paper in the hopes I'd find one lousy cigarette.

Applied for a job once.  Working as a network engineer for a Chemical Plant.  Had to take some sort of breath test (I have no idea what the name of it is) where you blow into this tube and it measures how much force your lungs can produce.  This is so that if you have to wear a gas mask with canisters in an chemical spill emergency, you can still breathe.  Two nurses.  Had to take the test not once, not twice, but NINE times.  By the time I passed the test I was within seconds of passing out.

Back yard.  Someone's house.  Party.  Beer.  (Where's my beer?)  Oh there it ... ashtray.. GREAT.. used that one for my ashtray.  Fresh pack of smokes.  Pack!  Pack!  Pack!  Gotta smack that pack to get the tobacco closer together... standing over the toilet again.  PLOP!  OH MY GOD.

For 88 days, I haven't wasted a cigarette.  I haven't used a lighter.  I've had probably 10 people ask me on the street for a light and I sincerely don't have one.  The back of my car hasn't been littered with dozens of empty packs.  I wake up, I don't need a cigarette.  I drink coffee, I don't need a cigarette.  I eat, I don't need a smoke.  I fly on a plane, I'm not FREAKING THE EFFF OUT!  Wow, what a relief.  I'm so very glad I'm done wasting money.  I'm so glad I'm done wasting my lungs and wasting away the years.  I've got a life to live, and 2 sons to raise.

What a great feeling to be in control of my life again.  Last time I had that control I was 14 and didn't have a clue.  One day at a time, I'm slowly starting to regain that clue about my journey ahead.

Giulia

To pass the time.....

Posted by Giulia Champion Jul 23, 2015

How many unsmoked cigarettes would it take to circumnavigate the globe at the equator?

Facts:  the earth is 40,075.16 Kilometers around at the equator

King Size Cigarettes are 84 milimeters in length

1 Kilometer = 1,00,000 Milimeters

Why isn't millimeter spelled milometer? 

Giulia

Will This be You?

Posted by Giulia Champion Jul 20, 2015

I just made this for all you relapsers. 

 

 

 

GET A DIVORCE - TODAY!

 

 Dying for a Smoke? Cartoon click here

 

Smoking and You 1963 film

Giulia

HOW MANY TIMES?

Posted by Giulia Champion Jul 16, 2015

How many times do you want to keep starting over on another Day One?
How many times do you want to pump yourself up for that first day?
How many times are you willing to put yourself though this?
If you've tried to quit before and failed,  perhaps it's time to sit down and ask yourself some questions that you may not  have asked yourself before.  This is different from the “My Reasons to Quit” list that so many of us have made.  That list never did a damn thing for me.  My reasons to quit were always the same.  I knew why I  shouldn't smoke, the reasons I should quit and the list was pretty much the same every time I wrote it.  I learned nothing from it.  How many lists are you gonna make before the final list that has one single word on it:  NOPE.
Here are some suggestions for serious questions you should be asking yourself - whether this is your first attempt or your 50th.

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What are my reasons for quitting (other than I know it's bad for me, I won't stink any more,  I'm doing it for my family, I want to save money)
How will quitting change my life?
What do I think the good part of quitting will be?
What do I think the bad part of quitting will be?
Is there any way to override the bad part?  If so - what is it?  What will I try to alleviate cravings?
What will I do to remain smoke free?
How much of a commitment am I willing to make to achieve the freedom I seek?  Am I willing to make any sacrifices?  If so - what?
How much time am I willing to spend in  learning  how to overcome this addiction?
What will I do when I'm stressed and want a cigarette?  (Be specific and list at least 8 different ways you'll alleviate stress.)
How will I deal with anger without putting a cigarette in my mouth?  (Be specific and list techniques different from those addressed in the stress answers above.)
How willing am I to change my routines during the early stages of my quit journey?  If not very willing, what can I do to motivate that willingness?
What do I hope to achieve by quitting other than "better health?"  (Be specific.)
Where will I go to get help if a craving is so overwhelming I think I might relapse?  (Be specific and name 3 different ways of getting assistance.)
What will I do to get myself out of a crying jag?
What are five new things I've learned about the hazzards of smoking that I never knew before?
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This is the kind of homework you need to be doing.  DO IT!

Giulia

Stop Smoking

Posted by Giulia Champion Jul 10, 2015

Just got back from my yearly physical.  Doc showed me a chart similar to the one below.  Quite an impact it made.  Perhaps for you too.  If not, then you need to do some more homework 'til you get the message loud and clear.

 

 

        S T O P    S M O K I N G

 

 

Giulia

Attention Elders!

Posted by Giulia Champion Jul 10, 2015

Smorgy (Sharon) and I are culling through the Elder’s List and plan to eliminate those Elders who haven’t been active on the site during the past year.  We have put out PMs  to those whom we plan to remove from the list to give them a chance to pipe up and let their presence be known by showing some activity.  Unless we hear back, they will be deleted.  Nothing personal, just following the parameters set for Elderhood.
The other change is that the eligibility rules will be altered in that a member must have a presence on this site for a year, quit and active.  In other words someone who arrives  here with a year or more quit and is offering support will not become an Elder until they have been on the site a year.  Those who already have Elder status in that case will be grandfathered in as long as they meet the two other criteria - having been quit a year and providing some on-going support.

Giulia

Smokemare #35

Posted by Giulia Champion Jul 7, 2015

 

 

 

 

 

I had just done a backer/s audition.  This one a reading of a new play with four characters.  The director asked me to do it again later that evening, but not with the entire cast, only two of us reading all the parts.
It was after the second reading when I noticed a satchel with a pack of cigarettes in it and one cigarette in the pack.  I was alone in the room.  I took the cigarette out as my friend, who hadn’t been asked to read the 2nd time happened to come back.  She’s the one who had left her satchel there.  I handed back the cigarette.  
Cut to:  
I’m standing in line at a cigarette kiosk on the street in NY.  I’m about to buy a carton of Marlboros.  I can see them in their familiar red and white cartons.  But it looks like there are only two or three cartons left.  I hope I can get up to the head of the line before they’re sold out.    Trying to get my cash together - can’t remember how much they are since I haven’t smoked in so long.  Figure they’re around $25.  (Now you KNOW that’s a dream!)
Cut to:
Walking in the NY subway heading for a train connection.  It’s rush hour and there are a mass of people in front of me walking in the same direction.  I light a cigarette (don’t recall how but a vague feeling that I’d burned my finger on a match stub), take a drag, look down and see I’ve already got a fresh one lit in my left hand.  That’s odd, I think.  Don’t remember lighting the other one.  Then I think about how I’ve just blown my quit.  And I’ll have to come back here and write my confessional.  How awful that will be for the members.  An Elder who did everything she’s been telling people NOT to do all these years.  What will they think of me.  Well, I just won’t tell them, is all.  Or - I’ll tell them months later, after I’ve quit again.  Then it won’t have such an impact.  
Trouble is when I took that one puff I could feel the drug coursing through my body.  And it felt good.  And I knew I had awakened the nicotine receptors.  And as I was walking toward my apartment building later I kept thinking I’d better keep my eye out.  I desperately wanted another cigarette but was afraid I might bang into someone I knew from the site.  And from now on I’d have to be a closet smoker, a pretender.
Even after 9 years,  smoking dreams are not unusual for me.  What WAS unusual about this one was that I deliberately chose to smoke.  Deliberately chose to blow my quit.  That was a first.  Most of the time I “discover” myself smoking and though slightly disturbing it’s no big deal.  I realize I’d been smoking for years, and enjoying it and just lying to everybody.  There’s a tinge of guilt, but not a whole lot.  This time it was a deliberate choice and there was much guilt in that choice. 

 

Interesting psychologically how we unconsciously progress on this journey.  The more active my cravings in the past, the less guilt I felt in dreams while smoking.  Now that I have almost zero desire to smoke and hardly think about it at all,  my subconsious has switched positions.  I take this dream as a healthy subconscious reminder never to allow that smokemare to become a reality. 

 



I was walking into a grocery store the other day which had large front windows.  My eye caught the Marlboro cartons (my former brand of choice) along with all the rest of the cartons of cigarettes piled high on a shelf inside to the left of the door.  Interesting.  Right there for your eye to glance upon as you enter the store.  But - of course.  Eye candy for the smokers.  I thought "gee I'm glad I don't have to do that any more."  And then I went further into that thinking as I meandered toward the milk.  What does that mean to me exactly.  I haven't thought about smoking, or that need -  in ages.  I don't HAVE to do that any more is what struck me.  Smoking really was a HAVE TO DO thing ever since I put that first one in my mouth, choked, tried again and got hooked.  It wasn’t so much because I wanted to, it was because I NEEDED to.  I HAD to.  I didn’t have a choice. 
Ah - but there’s the rub.  We DO have a choice.   That’s what I learned and what we try to teach here.  
I recognized that I COULD smoke, if I wanted, but I didn’t - want.  That’s - Freedom.  And that Freedom is really very simple - once you get to a certain point.  It’s when you recognize “I don’t HAVE to light a cigarette any more to stop a craving.  I don’t HAVE to light a cigarette when I’ve finished a hard job in order to give me a feeling of accomplishment and relaxation.  I don’t HAVE to light a cigarette to give an exclamation point to a meal.”  I don’t HAVE to smoke at all.  And I don’t.   And I am so grateful to those who taught me how to become like this.  
You know, we as Elders were just where you new comers are.  In whatever stage you are, I can guarantee you - we were there in our heads with the demon screaming.  We stuck with it, we hung on (sometimes with gritted teeth and BAD HUMOR), but we persevered.  And we came to the happy realization - eventually - that we don’t have to do that any more.
You don’t either.  Embrace this choice you’ve made.  You will never regret it.  And it WILL get better, it WILL  get easier.  IF you’re willing to hang on until it does.  Are you?

Giulia

July Daily Pledge is Up!

Posted by Giulia Champion Jul 1, 2015

Come one, come all.  Take a hand, make a promise to stay true to your commitment.  You'll never regret it.

Click on the following link:

July Daily Pledge

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