Slipping and Sliding - Tales of Trouble Part VII

[Giulia]

ckoalaco Permalink Reply by ckoalaco on October 10, 2008 at 7:17am
     Hi V, Christine and Giulia… Here’s my insight, for what it’s worth…
    You said “I know that the nicotine is out of your system in a matter of weeks but how long does it take to get out of your brain?”
    I think there is a HUGE difference between our body and our mind and until we learn to totally understand that and to totally accept that quitting smoking will remain very confusing to us. Look at it this way… Our bodies are purely physical. It is technical, scientific, logical and a bundle of living matter that is finite in its limitations. No matter how much we try to change our bodies, there is a limit to what we can do. For example, if I truly wanted for my heart to reside in my foot instead of in my torso There would be absolutely NO Way for me to accomplish this, no matter how hard I try.(I have no idea why I’d want this but go with me here, lol). Simple facts and scientific laws apply to physical matter. We can strengthen or weaken the physical body we have but we really don’t have the ability to completely change it. Simply put, although we can eat right and exercise to try to change out bodies, there are limits, to what our bodies can do. Our bodies seemed to be confined in their abilities, both in what they are and what they do.

    On the other hand… Although our minds exist as a bundle of living matter, it is only finite in its physical attributes. The mind has something that no other bundle physical of matter has. It can do things that are beyond scientific explanation – and often does, lol. In fact, it has been shown that the mind can even alter the body at certain levels… into, say healing that which science says cannot be healed. There is nothing finite about our mind with the exception of it’s physically. The mind’s abilities are absolutely limitless – at least so far no real limits have been found. Very honestly put, we have SO much more control over our minds than we do our bodies. The term mind over matter does have a solid foundation, guys.
    It’s like comparing a statement like 2+2=4 and is that half a glass of water half full or half empty?
    The withdraw we go through when we stop smoking takes two very distinct forms. There is the physical withdraw, which is finite, just like our physical bodies. We will experience physical and chemical symptoms as our bodies adjust to life without nicotine. But once that adjustment has been made the body’s makeup is no longer affected by that withdrawal. The scientific, 2+2=4 – we are limited to only one correct answer. It would be SO nice if this was all we had to deal with right?
    But then the mind slips into overdrive (if we let it). And since the abilities of our minds don’t have those logical, scientific confines set upon it the sky is the limit as to what it does. Here’s where the very unscientific, is that half a glass of water half full or half empty question comes in. Technically both answers are correct, which gives us a choice. We each get to choose what we want to do with our minds in this case.
    This is where we each differ in our quits. The simplistic fact is… some choose to put their minds into the glass is half empty mode and some choose to put theirs in the half full mode. And… some choose to teeter back and forth between the two.
    Exactly how does this apply to our quits? Here’s my theory… boy, I’ve been into theories lately haven’t I, lol. Anyway, I think that if you are an individual who chooses the glass half empty mindset, you start your quit struggling and you continue to struggle. You may successfully quit smoking for a long while but you’ve done it begrudgingly and have ended up becoming an unhappy ex-smoker full of discontent. An individual who has made the choice to maintain this mindset usually continues the romanticizing of smoking and, although they are fully capable of maintaining their quits at the same time, are at a high risk of relapse - because they allow themselves to feel that they are missing out on that which they love or deserve or want. These individuals will choose to focus their minds on the positive things that they believe SMOKING brought into their lives and have actually chosen to become just a smoker who’s no smoking.
    If you are an individual who chooses the glass half full mindset, you start your quit in much the same way… struggling, but life as an ex-smoker usually becomes very easy for you. You have successfully quit smoking and, since you’ve not done it begrudgingly you end up becoming a very happy and contented ex-smoker. An individual who has made the choice to maintain this mindset usually starts the romanticizing of their newfound freedom and not only are they fully capable of maintaining their quits, they will have a very low risk of relapse - because they choose to feel that they are whole and totally satisfied now that they have successfully removed that which was a hindrance within their lives. These individuals will choose to focus their minds on the positive things that they believe QUITTING has brought into their lives and have actually chosen to become a true non-smoker who’s mind is free from thinking that cigarettes are the cure-all to difficult situations.
    And, there are those who choose to teeter back and forth between the two. There are times you choose to set your mind in half empty mode and times where you choose to flip over to the half full mode. (insert above definitions here, lol). If this is the road you have chosen for your mind you will be incredibly strong within your quit at times, and not so much at other times. You will be at a high risk for relapse in the latter… and not so much in the former. The continuance of your quit will probably depend very much upon which mode you’ve set your mind in at the time a new crisis happens in your life.
    You said, “… what are my chances, I wonder how can some one quit for years and then start again. When does the desire to smoke go away?”
    Remember that you’re dealing with the mind - after the physical withdraw is over. And we do have complete have control over our minds. Sometimes we choose to suppress that control but, that is still making a choice. In reality, we choose to allow something bother us or to let that same thing slid off our backs. We choose to obsess over something or to let it go. We choose to hold a grudge or to learn from an experience. We choose to remain stagnant or to move on. We choose to like a situation, someone or something or to dislike that same situation, someone or something. We choose to “miss” our cigarettes or to be grateful they are gone.
    The reality is that each of us as individuals choose when the desire to smoke goes away for us. Some never loose that desire because they choose that for their life (half empty). Mine has been gone for a long time because I’ve chosen that for my life (half full). Do I ever have “thoughts” of smoking creep into my head (teetering, lol)? Absolutely! But I refuse to allow them to take up room in my mind and I push them out as quickly as they came. I instead choose to replace those thoughts with how grateful I am to be free and how blessed I am to have gotten rid of them before they got rid of me. I immediately push my mind back into half full mode for the life I have chosen. I do not allow those thoughts to continue – I do not let the destructive thoughts remain in my mind long enough for me to glamorize the act of smoking. They’re not allowed to stay long enough for me to picture myself smoking a cigarette, or to think of how it might taste, or to even remember what it was like for me when I was a smoker – at least not in the good light, lol. If it’s a thought that is the least bit positive about smoking, it simply must go!
    Do I have momentary slips in the control I exert over my mind? Yup. Wouldn’t it be easier for me to just go with that momentary slip of my mind and not correct it? You bet. I’ll bet it would even it be easier for me to choose to just suppress my control over my mind when those thoughts come – in essence, choose not to choose. But the choosing the easy way will not get me to where I seek to be. That is the just the plain and simple reality of my situation.
    Now, just so you all totally understand me, I haven’t always been this determined and secure. In fact, there were a lot of times that I let life just run me down. I used to choose the half empty track in all aspects of my life – shoot, that’s what I was raised with. But, that didn’t turn out to be very productive for me in dealing with life - or with quitting smoking. So I moved securely into the teetering choice, lol. I stayed there for a while but found that to not be working for me too well either, lol. It took a conscious choice with a concerted effort securely attached to it to get to where I am now – both in life and with my quit. But it was SO worth every minute of struggle, every hour of self discussion and every ounce of energy that it took to achieve this. I’m have become happy ex-smoker who, with every ounce of my being, feels blessed way beyond that which I deserve - and all because of the choices that I have made (finally!!) I kept trying and I finally got it right!!! I did what Giulia advised… I tried as hard as I could, I maintained as much discipline and perseverance as I could, I kept as much of a positive attitude as I could, I fought the demon tooth and nail for as long as I could and I kept learning. And if I fell flat on my face (and I did), I got up and did it again. It is a hard lesson learned but one that will not soon be forgotten for me, lol.
    Oh… a side note on the physical… all it takes in a quick re-introduction of nicotine into our bodies and it starts off the chain reaction. It immediately sets into motion the chemical reaction within our bodies that helped to hold us in the physical grasp of this addiction for so long. Just one puff in reality tells our body to go back into addiction mode and adjust accordingly. Not to mention what it does to our mindset...
    Just remember, you are NOT in this alone. I am absolutely positive that I would have fallen short yet again in my quitting smoking had it not been for the support that I was offered – the support for which I chose to utilize this time. I’m here because of the choices I made – and one of the bestest choices I made was to reach out for support instead of a cigarette this time.
    OK… I’ll shut up now.
    Giulia had asked for my long-winded take on the recent posts over here and, since she’s such a great friend I feel I must oblige. How’d I do G??
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Becky Permalink Reply by Becky on October 10, 2008 at 7:39am
     Well, long winded, but exactly on target.....teeehee!
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Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on October 10, 2008 at 10:27am
         You did...beyond my wildest dreams! lol. Thanks for reminding us all that perception is OUR choice. And if we want to lower the "risks of relapse," we'd better get our heads in the "half full" mode. We have the choice to be "unhappy ex-smoker full of discontent.," or happy quitters on the inside and out. (thank you Connie for that goodie).
    We are smokers who have quit, (good point Becky), but we don't have to be smokers who are just not smoking. It's all up to us.
    Thanks everybody for the great responses!
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V Permalink Reply by V on October 10, 2008 at 3:09pm
         I am so glad that this website has been formed for we all have this smoking issue at hand. The compassion and understanding is excellent, truely a support forum. The responses are down to earth and honest given with best wishes at heart, Thanks to all who made this website possible.
    V
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V Permalink Reply by V on October 10, 2008 at 10:29am
         Great way to express the mental anguish that ex-smokers go through. When life throws us rocks it is hard to stay in the gee," I think that this is not so bad mode" Staying positive in all life's struggles is wishful thinking at it's best. However, time and reflection is our only alli. Personally I always did great during a crisis but fell apart when the smoked cleared, so to speak. Thank you for a great perspective in a battle that is being fought by millions everyday.So it's after the crying we can move on.. Learning is our salvation to all the rocks we endure during a life time.
    V
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Jim Taddeo Permalink Reply by Jim Taddeo on October 10, 2008 at 3:33pm
         Man alive I'm just going to SMILE and say YEP....What ckoalaco said...exactly. I'm in almost complete control of if it sucks or if it doesn't. It goes for anything we do. I have had a terrible time at the amusement park and a fairly decent go at mowing the grass and of course I have had a blast a the park and really don't like cutting grass much at all unless of course crazy tractors are involved. LOL ATTITUDE! Today was an excellent example of that during the preliminary set up of my project. I uncovered all kinds of problems and issues and grief...like being under bid for time by a factor of 5.........but........a little attitude alignment and positive steering and what could have been a twisted and torturous day turned out NOT SO BAD...I'm tired as all he%% but never in jeapordy of loosing my cool let alone my quit. Now I'm ENLIGHTENED....LOL Heh heh heh....... 🙂
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~ Kim ~ Permalink Reply by ~ Kim ~ on October 10, 2008 at 3:07pm
         The first time I remember quitting was somewhere in 30's after having smoked since I was 13. I remember quitting and I remember having that last smoke on my way to work. I remember the bags and bags of hard candy my boyfriend's mom and sister got for me (they didn't smoke). And I remember EXACTLY why I broke my quit 6 months later. And the only part that matters is that I broke my quit.
    FFWD to 12/15/04, the day before the Lumpectomy on my left breast. Yes people, I had cancer and I am, again, struggling with another quit. I had no problem with quitting because I was having a lump of cancer removed from my body. I was an ex-smoker plain and simple. Then, after chemo and radiation, I began to feel better and didn't see a problem with just bumming a couple smokes while I was out or around people who smoked. I rationalized it by figuring since I wasn't BUYING cigarettes it was ok to smoke - wtf is that, right?! I swear, the things we come up with!
    Anyway, soon I began to buy a pack and it would last me 3 days to a week. Then I was buying a pack every couple of days. Some nights I could smoke a whole pack during a night out. I began going through the "That's it, I quit" routine - over and over. I would make up my mind to quit and I would quit - over and over. Over and over - it just kept happening like that for the last couple of years.
    I am almost 4 years cancer free and I really DON'T want to smoke.
    What I've learned is that this Demon that many of you speak of is just like that lump I had removed. I only wish I could have that Demon removed as easily as the lump! I've learned that, despite the fact that I've had cancer (and beat it), smoking is a very strong addiction that has gotten bigger than me and my strength to fight it off. I have learned that in order to Stick To My Quit, like many of you have stated, "just one" or "as long as I'm not buying any" bullshit has to stop.
    And.......I have learned that being here is a fantastic support.
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Christine Permalink Reply by Christine on November 8, 2008 at 5:41am
         HELP!
    I am on this slippery slope as we speak. Had 4 days smoke free under my belt and then on Thursday bought a pack while talking to an ex boyfriend and smoked 3 during that phone conversation alone. Threw the rest out and recommitted. Did fine all day yesterday UNTIL driving home from work. That little voice said.. just buy a pack, smoke 1 and throw the rest out. It's just one. Well, I smoked 3 last night and 2 more this morning. And after each cig I felt like crap. Burning in my throat and chest and I feel like my lungs are screaming at me. What the heck is wrong with me??????? I'm recommitting today, I realize I have to turn this around RIGHT NOW! But I'm worried as hell... any sage words of advice??
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Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on November 8, 2008 at 9:10am
         Words of advice? They're all over the pages in this forum. But are you paying attention, is the question.
    What the heck is wrong with you? Nothing but the same thing that's the heck wrong with all of us addicts. "The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something." For us it is habitual AND compulsive, physiological and psychological.
    The word comes from the Latin addcere , addict-, to sentence. TO SENTENCE. Are we going to allow ourselves to be sentenced to a lifetime of dependency on inhaling smoke? Are you? Are you going to be guilty of aiding and abetting the Demon because you didn't say no to him?
    I was reading someone's post somewhere in Ex - can't remember who. But it had to to with not smoking just this one cigarette. This one. At this moment. They kept putting it off and putting it off. Just not smoking this one. And the days mounted up.
    You've got to stop listening to the little voice. To the Whisperer who is trying his best to make you fail and fall. The one who is constantly attempting to undermine your self worth. You don't have to accept the sentence. You just have to keep saying NO to the Whisper. Or, rather than put all this in the negative - you have to keep saying YES to the wise and wonderful part of you. Make that voice stronger than the Whisperer's. That's your Champion. Let the Champion in you speak so loudly that it drowns out the Whisperer!
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Lenna Permalink Reply by Lenna on November 8, 2008 at 1:04pm
      Christine... pay attention, you asked for help and saged words of wisdom and you got them, you got the best, you got the straight goods, you got Giulia! 🙂 Don't waste your precious time on this earth "worrying like hell". Free up that space in your mind with posititve words that will help you accomplish this one goal. And that goal is to, no matter what life thows at you, NOT light up a smoke. Period. You can do this, and because you really want to, I believe you will. You're still here, and still on the path. Good for you.
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Christine Permalink Reply by Christine on November 8, 2008 at 2:31pm
         Thank you both.. you're both right