Slipping and Sliding - Tales of Trouble Part VI

[Giulia]

Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on August 30, 2008 at 5:09pm
      This was a response from Brian2day in a post started by Allison called Seriously I want to know... on Aug. 26, 2008
    "Here's an unbelievable tale. I had quit for 8 years after the birth of my son, and about 4 years into this great period of my life, I read an article somewhere that said if you were a non-smoker, and had to have a long flight over many times zones, if you smoked just one cigarette when you landed it would help you adjust to the time zone change. Remember this is 4 years into an 8 year quit period. Well, little did I know at the time of reading this that the addict (smoker) in me had filed this away, deep in my conciousness. 4 years passed, and I had to go to Russia to do a film shoot, and was told to stop in Germany on the way and pick up several cartons of Marlboros to use as barter to get people to help me out in tricky filming situations. I remember being in the duty free shop in Hamburg on my way to Moscow and remembering that article from 4 years passed----and when I landed I lit up, the just one, and was on my way to becoming a full blown smoker again in a few days." (Brian2day)
        *
Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on August 30, 2008 at 5:11pm
        This was a response from Becky in a post started by Allison called Seriously I want to know... on Aug. 26, 2008
    "I guess you pretty much know by now what the answer is. We are all addicts whether we want to believe it or not. The fact that we quit, doesn't mean that we can't slide back like any addict of any other drug. So, pretty much, for the rest of my life I have to be on guard. I can never have another cigarette in my lifetime. I had quit for two years before and had quit multiple times for several months, but the fact is, each time I thought I could have just ONE DARN CIGARETTE! I couldn't seem to get it! Boy, talk about stubborn stupidity! The worse thing is all my life I've been told to learn from my mistakes.....well it sure took a long time to learn from these mistakes. I've been smoke free now for over 16 months, but I still find that certain situations make me think about having a cigarette. I notice that when I'm at a gathering with many smokers is the biggest trigger. Now, I walk away when they light up. If you notice, when there are many smokers in the same room/area, they all light up about the same time. So, it's usually easy to walk away and get away from it. All I can say is BE ON GUARD FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Don't ever become complacent with your quit..." (Becky)
        *
Jim Taddeo Permalink Reply by Jim Taddeo on August 30, 2008 at 5:17pm
         AMEN! 🙂
    Jim
       *
Jim Taddeo Permalink Reply by Jim Taddeo on August 30, 2008 at 6:06pm
       We can never, and lets get our minds around this concept, SHOULD NEVER, smoke again. Don't take it as "I'm an addict and I can't enjoy a casual smoke from time to time". That is addict thinking. It is setting ourselves up to chip away at the self image little by little. YOU ARE NOT SOME LESSER PERSON BECAUSE YOU ARE AN ADDICT. YOU ARE JUST AN ADDICT. That's all. No one is judging you and if they are then they are redirecting attention away from some fault or flaw of their own. I'm not saying that is the case here but just a perspective it can be seen from. Just as Brian stated above, we will stash away a single tidbit that can be used at a later date to make an excuse or justify using again. NEVER DOUBT IT! Not for one minute. Condition yourself for a long term commitment to knowledge of yourself. That is what it truly is. What I see and hear you folks saying is great and I agree completely and I say that we need to be aware of VERY SUBTLE seeming, seeds of doubt. They will undo our quits in the long term if we let them. I'm going for the long term permanent change. These are points we must attend to. Great comments. Thanks for bringing it up. 🙂
    Jim
       *
Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on August 30, 2008 at 7:49pm
         This was a response from Edith in a post started by Allison called Seriously I want to know... on Aug. 26, 2008
    "...this is my fourth time quitting. One time I relapsed I was so upset, I was either going to smoke or drink and I chose smoking. Real dumb. What stops me now? I think it through. I think of the remorse that would hit me, having to quit all over again, people who have given me tons of support finding out and going back to the expense and the coughing. That's what helps me from not starting up again. This is also the longest I've quit. I can't think of anything that would trigger me to go back. Don't worry about the pitfalls because they may never happen. All I can worry about is right now. The past is gone, the future is not here; all I have it right now." (Edith)
*
Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on August 31, 2008 at 7:27am
         This was a response from Sharon in a post started by Allison called Seriously I want to know... on Aug. 26, 2008
    "I went back to smoking after 6 years. Why? The best answer that I can give you is that I let my guard down and forgot.
    I did not consciously think that one would not hurt, I did not debate anything, I stopped and bought a pack of cigarettes. I did not filter this choice through anything, I had no qualms, I was not angry or sad or depressed. I forgot I was an addict. But I did soon remember." (Sharon)
        *
Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on September 1, 2008 at 8:00am
         This was a response from Mothergoose9 in Seriously I want to know... on Aug. 26, 2008
    "I blew a 20 year quit.....no, that's not a typo....it was 20 years!!! I mean after all, after 20 years 'just one' shouldn't be a problem, right?!! WRONG!!!! It started out having the occasional smoke with my older son....dumb I know, but at that point it seemed it was almost the only place we connected! It would be occasionally, then more frequently, yet with weeks or months in between. Although I didn't smoke full blown right away, it opened a door for me that I kicked wide open when life began to unravel. I had a major melt down spiritually and emotionally, and I turned immediately to smoking. In light of everything else that was going on, how I felt I was such a failure in almost every area of my life, smoking didn't seem like such a big deal.
    By the grace of God the pieces of my life were reassembled stronger than ever. So much healing took place in me, I was freed from so many of the lies and false expectations I had laboured under for years....and the final frontier to total wholeness and restoration was becoming truly free from this addiction. It has taken 3 or 4 quits since then to get it right. The difference? My mindset! All those 20 years, looking back I believe I was quit on the outside, but I was still a smoker on the inside! I never really closed the door on the possibility of smoking again, and when it all hit the fan, and I was at the weakest, most vulnerable point in my life, the addict in me struck, and I succumbed.
    But this time, I know I am free!!!!! I exposed all the lies, exhausted all the excuses and finally came to the decision that I wanted to be free, truly free, and as an addict that meant that smoking could never be an option for me again.....not for ANY reason, not under ANY circumstance!!! That decision has served me well....I will be 3 years FREE next month, and I am free both inside and out!!! 😄
    Just remember....."JUST ONE" = "SQUARE ONE" EVERY TIME!!
    "IF I HAVE 'JUST ONE' I WILL BE BACK TO WHERE I STARTED. WHERE I STARTED WAS WISHING I WAS WHERE I AM TODAY!" [Mothergoose9 (Connie)]
       *
Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on September 1, 2008 at 8:02am
        This was a response from jackierushing in Seriously I want to know... on Aug. 26, 2008
    "... the ONLY THING I REPEAT THE ONLY THING that can "trigger" a relapse is ONE POWERFUL LITTLE PUFF!!!!!!! not stress/drinking/bad grade/death/divorce none of that you must decide to NTAP=NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF as this will lead you straight back to full blown addiction and anybody who does relapse will say i wish i never would have taken that first puff. i always look at it this way i culd have that cigarette but i know it will lead to 55 aday for the rest of my life till it cripples or kills me info i got from whyquit its a great cold turkey site im not saying go c/t/ but it has really good info on it hope this helps................I have been quit for 1 Year, 2 Days, 9 hours, 47 minutes and 7 seconds (368 days). I have saved $3,905.11 by not smoking 19,525 cigarettes. I have saved 2 Months, 6 Days, 19 hours and 5 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 8/23/2007 8:29 PM" (Jackierushing)
       *
Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on September 1, 2008 at 9:57pm
       This was a response from Karen in Seriously I want to know... on Aug. 27, 2008
    "I had 3 or maybe even close to 4 years smoke free. It was definitely my mind set as well. Throughout the entire time I was not smoking I was of the opinion that I was denying myself this wonderful, life sustaining, stress reducing object that, yes, was able to give me super human powers. I was going through a very stressful time and I knew that the one thing that would make my life so much better would be a cigarette. I bummed one from a co-worker and smoked it.... instantly my life became better. Ten minutes later I asked for a second. Life was getting even better. Of course it would since I was convinced in my mind that would be the case. Within half an hour of that first puff, I was buying a pack for myself. I think if I look at staying smoke free as a gift to myself rather than a gift taken away, I will fare much better this time." Karen
        *
sonja Permalink Reply by sonja on September 23, 2008 at 7:25am
     MY BIGGEST RELAPSE IS WHEN MY HUSBAND COMES HOME AFTER BEING OUT OF TOWN-HE SMOKES BUT IS REALLY WANTS ME TO QUIT-SO HE'S BEHIND ME. THIS WEEK-END WHEN I PICKED HIM UP I PICKED UP A CIG. DAMMIT-SO MY QUIT DATE WAS MONDAY AND NO SMOKING SINCE(ONLY 2 DAYS) BUT I CAN AND WILL NOT THIS COMING WEEK-END!
        *
Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on September 24, 2008 at 5:50pm
         Tomorrow the weekend begins! Stay tough.
       *
Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on September 24, 2008 at 5:53pm
         Ah yes, the Celebration Trap. I know it well. As well as that LAST pack each time. What a joke we are, aren't we? Not any more. Now we're doin' this thang!
       *
Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on September 24, 2008 at 6:42pm
        OK, so no more excuses. Here's an idea - why not set up an appointment for that lung x-ray. That'll be a good incentive to quit you quit and give you pause for more thought. Hmmmmm?
    No, you don't owe us your life, you owe your own wisdom and strength of spirit.
    Rah rah YOU!
       *
Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on October 7, 2008 at 9:26am
         (This was a post on another site that I grabbed a while back that helped me remind me:.)
    "Oh, I was so reminded of the last quit which was my longest...3 weeks and I did the same mind stuff, saying what would it hurt to just have one and so I bummed one off a repair person who was in my home. Then a day or two later, I told myself I would buy a pack and smoke two of them and throw the pack away. Well, then later when I started smoking the whole packs, I told myself that I had quit this time and I could do it again later. That was back in '91 and I haven't gotten up the courage to try again, but it is more on my mind these past few months to try again.
    So do remember all the tricks our mind plays on us. " ~~ Judy
       *
V Permalink Reply by V on October 9, 2008 at 1:19pm
         If I live to be 100 I will never truely understand this smoking problem it hits at all levels of life. I have seen so many folks go years without smoking and then they start again. I know that the nicotine is out of your system in a matter of weeks but how long does it take to get out of your brain? I have a family member who quit for 20 years and now is a two pack a day smoker. I have personally seen so many long term quitters bite the dust. This is so scarey what are my chances, I wonder how can some one quit for years and then start again. When does the desire to smoke go away. I too fight this monster I just wish someone could tell me what the odds are? Sometimes I feel like whats the point and why do I have this monkey still on my back . Just wondering out loud , Asking for some insight.
    V
        *
Becky Permalink Reply by Becky on October 10, 2008 at 3:16pm
       Hiya V,
    I don't know if anyone knows what the odds are.... I think it depends on the individual. I do believe that a lot of it has to do with a positive attitude towards life. My attitude has changed over the past year and I choose to look at life with a positive attitude, therefore, I look at my quit as a positive move on my part. I used to look at quitting as something I lost. This time, I'm looking at my quit as something I gained. I am free from the smell, free from yellow walls and ceilings, free from my clothes stinking, free from spending money on something that will kill me, and I'm free from the control it had over me. I don't miss it this time. Other times I tried, I missed it. This time is different. Yes, I get the cravings once in a while...but, it's a fleeting moment and I choose to make sure it's only a fleeting moment. I choose to not to smoke. I never understood that before. I always felt like I had to quit....like I was being forced to. I didn't feel that way this time. Bob's death made me realize that I had the POWER to CHOOSE and I did......not to smoke ever again. I put it in my mind that Smoking Was Not An Option! And it will never be an option again. I think you have to decided if quitting is what you truly want. If it is, then you need to look at what you will gain from quitting. Don't compare yourself to others that have quit and then started! Not everyone is alike and we all have different experiences in life. If you constantly wonder what the point is in quitting....you will always find an excuse to start up again. The point is........ YOUR LIFE!!
       *
Giulia Permalink Reply by Giulia on October 9, 2008 at 10:00pm
         Wow. Talk about overwhelming questions and dilemmas. Both of you have posed the unanswerable - to my mind. Because I too have those same questions. I'm three months short of a three year quit, and yet I know how easily it could be lost. Why? Because as V said, "how long does it take to get out of our brain?" And "What's the point?" Must we struggle forever? What are the odds? I haven't a clue. When does the desire to smoke go away? I haven't a clue about that either. But it seems to me the ultimate point is not about whether the desire goes away, it's about how we maintain our quit. Our determination obviously (based upon everything we've seen and read) waxes and wanes. And we know that taking just that one puff will lead to that "endless wanting of more" as you, Christine, said.
    I set up this group to try to bring some sanity to, not only the short term quitters who've had a few too many beers and are about to take that puff of annihialation, but to the long term quitters, like me, who need a maintenance program.
    It's all about keeping our quit for good. Not a few days or months or years, but for-ever.
    OK, so let's really look at this. I don't believe it's self-sabotage. And yet I can't believe it's simply a matter of new pleasure receptors being created in our brain due to the chemicals in cigarettes that keep us hooked and in slippage mode. What I do believe is that it's ALL PSYCHOLOGICAL. And I truly think that if we could plug into the mindset of Allen Carr this whole thing would be a piece of cake.
    But there's something else going on here. There must be. I'm sitting here typing away after a couple of glasses of wine thinking, yup, I'd sure like a cigarette. It sure would taste good. And the smart part of my brain (because we all have that smart part of our brain) is saying, yeah, it might taste good, but you know you'd have to inhale it REALLY gently, taking in a LOT of air (mostly air) in the process, else you'll get really dizzy. I can picture myself doing it. Easy. I'd take a gentle puff, and it would taste kinda weird and yet kinda wonderful at last (in a reminiscent kind of way). And then I'd want that reminiscent kind of way again, so I'd take another gentle puff, only not so gentle. And, etc., etc. and I'd eventually feel dizzy and nauseous. But FROM THAT MOMENT ON, from that first puff, that's ALL I'd be thinking about. Again. Cigarettes. The thought, the taste, the...., would fill my every waking moment.
    I'm past that stage. Thank GOD. I'm past the stage of cigarettes filling my thoughts every waking moment. The only time I think about cigarettes is when I'm on here. And I'm on here, ironically to keep me safe, and to help others get to my supposed safe place. HA!
    Ya know, you two - here's my brilliant answer to all of our dilemmas - after several glasses of wine before bed: you do what you can. You try as hard as you can, you maintain as much discipline and perseverance as you can, you keep as much of a positive attitude as you can, you fight the demon tooth and nail for as long as you can and you keep learning. And if you fall flat on your face, you get up and do it again.
    Because the bottom line of all of this is WHY we are putting ourselves through this agony. And that is because we know better. Simply that. We know better. We're not stupid. We have come to believe that smoking is killing us. We've been told it by the medical profession (and the attorney general HA!), and we have had enough friends and loved ones and relatives die from smoking related diseases, and we ourselves may have gotten to the point where our lives are endangered by this amazingly destructive, seemingly innocuous, little white rolled up piece of tobacco to actually get the message.
    So whether we're overwhelmed and bewildered, scared and wondering how to get this monkey forever off our backs - keep that bottom line in mind. Because THAT's what will keep us smoke free. That bottom line. We know better. And we want health. Because, believe me, if you don't have your health, you've got nothing. And you really don't want to wait until you gotten to the point where you can truly understand that in all it's aspects. Because by then, it's usually a little late. So use your God given wisdom and stop. Now.
    Hoping for LOT of FEEDBACK on this discussion...
*
V Permalink Reply by V on October 10, 2008 at 10:52am
         Wonderful simply wonder. Quitter on the outside and a smoker on the inside, To admit we are addicts is hard. How can we be really addicts mind boggling to say the least. The truth is never the less is we are addicts and must accept this ugly fact about ourselves. Quitting is the road less traveled and the destination is joyful freedom.
    V
        *
Becky Permalink Reply by Becky on October 10, 2008 at 7:15am
         I think I can probably reiterate what everyone else is saying here, we can make excuses for anything. It's easy. Our addictive minds can rationalize any situation to get us to smoke again. We're stressed, we're celebrating, we're happy, we're drinking, or "I'll Just Have One"......the most famous of all. The fact is, no matter how much we want to believe that we are non-smokers......we have to face the fact that like an alcholic who can never have just one drink....we will always have the addiction of a smoker within us, and we can never, ever, "have just one." That little inner voice from the Nicodemon will always be with us, so we have to guard against it. We can never, ever be complacent with our quits. If we become complacent, we slack off on our guard. It is easy to forget after years of not smoking, what it was like to go through the quit, or why we have to guard our quits like it was day 1. So, we constantly have to be aware of this all the time....yes, we are happy that we have quit.....but we can never take it for granted...plain and simple. This is why I have said all along that we can't really consider ourselves non-smokers. We are smokers who quit......EX Smokers. There is a difference. Non-Smokers never had the addiction.....EX Smokers do have the addiction and always will. It's a matter of overcoming the addiction. AA will tell you that you will always have the addiction and that is why you can never have just one drink. Well, it's the same with us. Our addictive personalities will always be there. So, "We Can Never, Ever, Have Just One Puff." Like many of you I learned after quitting for one year, then two years, then three months, and so forth......that all it took was "Just One Puff". Bob, had stopped smoking many times but it always came back to him "Having That One Puff." He lost his life because of that ONE PUFF! That is what I remember now.....I could loose my life like he did. My family could loose me like they lost their father.
       *
Becky Permalink Reply by Becky on October 10, 2008 at 2:54pm
         Thank you Christine. I wanted people to understand that our lives are at stake here. Bob, didn't think that it would ever happen to him even though his brother died of cancer from smoking. He found every excuse in the book to continue. We tend to find an excuse for anything if we want to stay in denial of what we are doing to ourselves or to get what we want. Like Mike Patterson says, we can either get what we want or do what is right. That goes for anything...not just smoking. I've often thought that our culture has developed an attitude of doing whatever we want without considering how it affects our lives in the long term or someone else's life, Lately I've come to realize how sellfish I was with my smoking...that is a hard thing to admit. When I look back, I made sure my children had what they needed, but I always made sure I had my cigarettes and sometimes would tell my children we couldn't afford something they wanted. How sellfish is that? I regret those choices. Addiction makes us lie to ourselves and others, it makes us sellfish, and it hurts those we love. I'm so glad that you have decided not to use your depression as an excuse to smoke. That in itself is an accomplishment and you should feel Proud that you have come to that conclusion. Huggggggggs!
       *