The Current Revelation - from an old timer

[Giulia]

Here I am cooking dinner for m’self  (husband is away) and I suddenly get this urge for a smoke.  And the first thought that comes into my mind is - WOW - I haven’t wanted a cigarette in, well, I can’t remember when the last time was.  And this is a gooood thing.

In the beginning of a quit you do nothing - and I mean NOTHING - but think about smoking 24/7.  Or the quitting of it - same thing.  All your energies are directed in the endeavor to quit so, naturally, that’s ALL you think about.  It’s all about how to “not smoke.”  “How do I not smoke?” ...and survive the day.  One simple, single little day.  And you do it by practicing all the techniques that you’ve been presented with over any and all these quit smoking websites.

You may read the Allan Carr book and it hits the magic button within.  Or you may join a 12 step group like Nicotine Anonymous and that’s what speaks to  you.  Or you may need the harsh reality of Why Quit with it’s graphic images to sell you the ticket to freedom.  Or, you might be one who wants the intellectual headiness of the dopamine and serotonin level discourses to spur you on.  

You could, like my husband, quit on a dime when he got a call from his best friend one day who told him he had lung cancer and had X months to live.  My husband put down his smokes that day and never looked back.  Nor could his friend (best man at our wedding), who died 2 months later at the grand age of 46.  My husband was one who never needed a support group at all.  His friend’s dying was enough to motivate his quit.  And that is the gift that his friend gave.  

It really doesn’t matter how you “get” the message, but that you get it.  And when you do,  when you really “get” that cigarettes will kill you - one way or another (fast or slow), it’s no longer a matter of “choice.” 

When you truly understand what smoking will do to your life in all its aspects - from gum disease - which causes tooth loss - to the macular degeneration connection, low birth weight in babies, or the slowing of the healing process after an operation (subjects rarely mentioned on these sites), it no longer is  a matter of choice, but rather it becomes an imperative.  COPD, emphysema, lung cancer are the big guns, but people don't go into "the rest of the story...".  And when you “get it,” you get that smoking is truly a non option.  If you still don’t get it, check out this woman’s blog and learn how smoking cigarettes can change your life:  As I Live and breathe  (And  I’m not talking about her recipes which are fabulous - read futher into it...)

Perambulating on here - I have to admit that  half the reason I remained on these quit sites was for ME.  It sure made me feel good to give back and try to help, but  I also needed that quit connection.  To be reminded of why I chose to go through the agony I did.  But since I’ve become less active on here,  this evening's  major revelation (that I actually suspected all along)  is:  I think about cigarettes almost not at all now.

That’s why tonight took me by surprise.  That strange desire to smoke.  For those who don’t know my journey - I’m one who suffered all the way through.  From beginning to ...forever.   I simply refuse(d) to say YES to taking another puff.  Because I know the cost.  And I WILL NOT go back to DAY ONE for I’m unwilling to pay that price EVER again..  That’s enough to keep me quit.  For I never experienced the “oh I’m so happy I gave up cigarettes” syndrome which many have, lucky souls that you are.  

But tonight I realized that NOT being connected to this quit site - at this four year plus stage of quitting - is right....for me.  When you’re involved with a site and talking and thinking about cigarettes and hearing about those who are trying to quit and HAVE quit and have gone back to smoking...well it - keeps you in the “thinking about smoking mode.”  And when you absent yourself from it - you stop thinking about it altogether.  

I sure as heck hope these rambling help some of you out there in your “process.”   Otherwise it’s just - a blab instead of a blog, if you know what I mean.  

Keep going in your quit journey.  That’s the main point I’m trying to make here.  Just...keep going.  It really does get easier.  And that’s a promise.