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Day 18

Posted by George-Martin Jul 26, 2019

Sorry I haven't been consistent on posting - I am still hanging in- Day 18 still in my quit.

 

I have some difficult times - some depression lately- lack of energy- so I want to get back into posting each day and reading and gathering positive energy here

 

Thx to all

George-Martin

Day 12

Posted by George-Martin Jul 20, 2019

So I have had a very busy week- Just now getting back on to post.  I am on day 12- still going-yet I have had a rough week.  I took on some side work which is really hard work as it turns out- work two nights this week till 4am and a third night till 2. At the end of these long night- the urge to smoke again hits hard- and at a time I am really tired so defenses are low.

 

Also got back involved with a relationship I had started back while i was in process of divorce.

 

We went down the Chattahoochee river together this week- had a great time- been talking and getting to know each other again- and then she says she wasn't comfortable with what we have been doing all week- light physical affection

like kissing etc and just broke everything off.  I believe she is pretty damaged person and is easily scared off.  It has made for personal drama for me and the urge to smoke again over feelings and anxiety is strong- this really sucks because I really have my heart involved with this woman.

 

I am sticking to my commitment- this emotional relationship stuff is very very difficult to stay smoke free through- just putting that out there

 

Thx for community support in advance

George-Martin

Finishing out day 10

Posted by George-Martin Jul 17, 2019

So well into week 2 - I am working an all night job tonight as i did last night- making some side money doing flooring work.  I got home 5 am this morning-  I know when i am that tired- I get hit with urges to smoke - so i have to remember to be vigilant - breathe- stick to my commitment- and check in here everyday pretty much

 

 

Gotta run- doing another late flooring gig tonight

 

Best Wishes to all- and thx to everyone that has been replying to my other blog posts- please forgive me if I don't have time to respond to each- I am looking at them though- Thx to all!!

George-Martin

Finishing up Day 8!

Posted by George-Martin Jul 16, 2019

Sorry. Didn’t post on my day 7.  I’m still standing.  Not one puff!!   Going down the CHattahoochee  river tomorrow with my 

heart throb -we are somewhat back together again- am now smoke free which is a big plus!!   Thx Community.  -Freedom!  Not completely out of the woods but I am feeling strong again about this quit!!

George-Martin

Rolling thru Day 6

Posted by George-Martin Jul 13, 2019

So thru most of what others have referred to as Hell Week- don't think I will argue with that- man it hasn't been so easy- and Glad I had decided to get back into this community this time for my quit-probably the extra support i needed to actually do this and stay committed.

 

The term "successful quit" is so funny to me- those two terms are usually mutually exclusive- people that quit things are usually not considered successful! - except in this scenario- surrender to win!!  I stop fighting the urges and let whatever emotional garbage that accompanies my craving and urges bring up- just come out- I am tired of stuffing down emotions- with nicotine.  So bring on whatever the craves bring- yeah there is pain-however i don't have to continue to suffer- suffering is in the resistance- I believe.

 

My acronym is NOPEOA- Not One Puff Ever Of Anything! not Vapes- not Black and Milds- or whatever

 

Wishing everyone a wonderful smoke free weekend- I plan on staying with my quit- still one day at a timing it!

George-Martin

Moving into Day 5

Posted by George-Martin Jul 12, 2019

So today is day 5 for me-I know expectations can work against me.  I am thinking hey Im thru the hardest part- and then the urge comes on!!  AArrgh!  I won't let it get me down.

 

Glad Im on the site to hear and get encouragement from others-  I know I smoked at a lot of emotions- smoking at discouragement just feeds on itself- defeated mentality-  Ive lived with that a lot - as well as trauma and drama and chaos in these last 4 years- marriage- constant drama- 

 

Today is a new week for me- smoke free- I want to feel great about this- sometimes it feels like I won't let myself 

feel good about myself- that I guess is also part of the recovery process

 

Today- I am getting strong urges again- so I just need to stay with my commitment- to not smoke no matter what-breathe thru and let whatever comes up emotionally- come up- don't fight it.  I used cigarettes to hold down painful emotions- I huffed em down- I could feel the desperation sometimes as i smoked those horrible foul smelling cancer sticks-trying not to feel what I don't want to feel

 

Thx Ex Community!

George-Martin

rounding out day 4

Posted by George-Martin Jul 12, 2019

I guess it hasn't really sunk in how big a deal it is 4 days smoke free-  i still get hit by cravings- but really at day 4 Im over the worst part- I believe- man it was rough and i know i still need to stay vigilant

 

I am still having cravings now on and off- but after I blew the quit I had some years ago-  I never could seem to get satisfaction from a cigarette- I wanted one as soon as I finished one!! I huffed cigarettes down!! I was always Jonesing for a cigarette!!

 

I can feel the freedom setting in- free from constant insatiable cravings!

 

It just hit me though- 4 days without a cigarette is a pretty major accomplishment to start-  The freedom it brings hasn't really hit me yet- So I won't get too over the top- but i feel pretty good about this quit thus far!

 

Thx for everyones support!!

George-Martin

Day 4

Posted by George-Martin Jul 11, 2019

I appreciate all those that posted on my Day 3 blog- it makes me feel important!!  Lol

 

I am just now hearing people referring to week one as  "Hell Week"- man I can't argue with that  Been listening to Allen Carr's" Easy Way"  and I am glad to know the truth he imparts- however- It Aint been Easy!

 

I am now a non- smoker!- Just want to put that out there for myself   and anyone else that wants to say that with me!

 

God bless all the supporters!

George-Martin

Day 3- 72 hrs

Posted by George-Martin Jul 10, 2019

Man- made it thru another day- no nicotine.  The withdrawals came- sometimes it just hits me- like a wave of anxiety- tough but I listen to things I hear here- and don't cave in!!

 

Tomorrow Day 4- looking for Freedom!!  I know not to over expect- so i want to stay vigilant yet hopeful!!

George-Martin

Day 3’

Posted by George-Martin Jul 10, 2019

Day 3   Made it thru day 2 obviously. I played - musician-downtown Atlanta last night- immense Traffic  - had drank so much herbal tea was about to fall asleep but persevered thru

 

Day 3. Still a bit of a slog- went out to get some supplements - herbalist friend recommended B complex and C- magnesium- so it may help

 

hanging with this quit. Thx for everyone’s support

So I am pushing thru Day 2- its a little rough for sure-feel pretty hollowed out- anxious- fearful- self doubt- all that garbage!!  Im still doing my best just to let feelings come up and not fight them off!  

 

Just wanted to do a check in  I have a music gig tonight- Im a bit anxious over having to play while detoxing on nicotine- but the show must go on!

 

Need prayers at this time- Thx

George-Martin

got about 18 hrs!

Posted by George-Martin Jul 8, 2019

So i am rounding the 24 hr mark soon- cravings have come at various intensities- and some just come on like a rush or tidal wave -Ive have been saying to these cravings- just bring on whatever feeling comes with it- and let it be what it is- don't try to push it down or away

 

I feel like I have been holding down emotions from this brutal last year with cigarettes- I just huff em down- like I can't smoke em quick enough-

 

So I am coming up on 24 hr mark here at 12 midnight-morning and  evening time seems to be a tough time- can be lonely - I have three pets- again after being with someone for 12 years- its tough

 

Anyway- staying positive about this- and just gonna go for another 24hrs after tonight!

George-Martin

Day One!

Posted by George-Martin Jul 8, 2019

So I extinguished last cigarette at 11:45 last night- actually had one left but thru it and lighter out into the woods.

 

I am being hit hard this morning with cravings- I tend to sit and get paralyzed by cravings rather than get into action-I am going to go clean out my fairly new car which has ashes all over the place!  That was one thing i hated about smoking- it made a mess of my newer car.

 

 

I have a workout scheduled for 1:30.  I also want to get something pleasant to smell to divert craving- I heard people talk about vape rub maybe- I know its not actually pleasant but it is strong.

 

Anyway- Just wanted to start my day one of quit with a post 

 

Thx for community support!!

George-Martin

Tomorrow is Quit day

Posted by George-Martin Jul 7, 2019

So I am on my final day of smoking and looking to start quit tomorrow.

 

I am a bit anxious- I know I have a lot of stored up emotions- especially anger over my divorce- wife cheated- also got into another relationship toward the end of my divorce proceedings that didn't end up well- more heartache.

So I know i know i have been smoking at all these emotions for a long time- I heard someone talking about how much energy it takes to hold down stored unprocessed emotions.

 

So I read another blog about- "Stay" from someone on this site- and that is my goal- to stay with whatever comes up and use the tools I find here- things to do to get thru the big cravings.

 

Anyway just wanted to make sure i posted at least once a day here- so 12 midnight- I putting out the last one - if not before

 

God help me- Ive done it before for 3 years- I know it won't be easy- but Im doing it

So I know this breaks anonymity however I have a quit date coming up this Monday- I met with my sponsor and let him know- he knew i quit for a few days the previous week- he is also an ex smoker.  I have had an absolutely brutal year with my now ex wife and another relationship which most considered a rebound- gone south.

 

I have a question to throw out-I am in the middle of doing a 4th step inventory and my sponsor showed concern about having too much on my plate by adding this quit right now.

 

I am not looking to find a 12 step group- I have one for alcohol.  

 

I am looking for feedback on doing a 4th step inventory and starting a quit- after a brutal year of divorce.

 

I slept till almost 12 today- was up late- musician- not partying but working on music- its been really hot here in georgia and I woke up feeling like I had been run over  or something-just real low energy- I really want to get off this nicotine

 

Just thought I would throw this out there- I know sometimes getting too many options can muddy the waters but I decided to post anyway

 

Thx