I'm currently 2 months into quitting, but it feels like it's only been a few hours. I'm not really sure why my body's clock paused, but I'm worried that I might fall back into bad habits (especially since I'm in a relationship with a smoker). I'll give you a quick recap since this is a first blog post and it gives me something to do while I wait for my sleeping pills to kick in. (Please excuse any typos or rambling, I'm not a great writer)
I started smoking when I was only 8 or 9. My older sister gave me my first cigarette and even picked on me for not inhaling. I was smoking a pack a day by time I was 14. Now that I am 27, I'd had enough.
I've wanted to quit smoking for a long time now, even tried a few times... but nothing ever stuck. After a whole day of fighting the urge, I always gave in before daybreak. I was able to stop smoking while pregnant with my kids, but always started back up 6 weeks after delivery.
I ended up getting the flu 2 moths ago. Couldn't eat, drink or smoke. What an opportunity, right? The first day, I forced myself to smoke because it felt like I should. The second day came and I just didn't want to light up at all. I took that as a sign and refused to smoke the whole time I was sick. Once healed, I told myself that I'd gone a whole week... Why not go the rest of the way? So close to being free... couldn't give up.
Day after day, week after week, I pushed on. I rewarded myself with a special dinner after the first week (was my first real meal after being sick too, so it tasted really odd). The second, third and forth week I got another nice meal, my hair done and a cute stuffed animal (my weakness) to reward myself. Second month has passed and I'm due a treat, but all I want is a smoke...
I thought things would get easier, but it's only getting harder and harder! In the beginning, I just slept off the cravings the first week and the second week was almost as easy.
Am I being punished because I skipped a lot of the detoxing? Or is this normal?
I can only hope that blogging here will help since most people around me are not really helping the cause. No one says anything bad or anything, but my fiance still smokes, so that means his support doesn't feel sincere. Most of the others assume that I'll fail or they were always non-smokers so they feel no sympathy...
I hope you guys can help.
