(or sumthing like that. Here's for try #2)
It is well past twelve-thirty but I'm waiting on some medications -- available between 1 am and 2 am. I keep thinking of things to talk to my Angie about, turn to the left to share my thought and realize that she ACTUALLY IS s figment of my imagination!!! Hmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!
Today has been filled with guests; family; phone calls, prayers, etc. Last Tuesday, while driving to the High School to pick up Angela, I fell asleep at the wheel, and our family made plans for me to not drive. On Sunday night, I passed out and fell on the bathroom floor at about 3:30 am. This is why the lab-work was scheduled on Tuesday.
Tomorrow, I will receive "my usual" Thursday dialysis In addition two units of blood will be transfused. And in the meantime, The C-T scan indicates a possible fracture to the L-1 disc; but my doctor stated that one of the side-effects of this anti-cancer medication is pain. Unfortunately, there are only very limited options for treatment for multiple myeloma. We would probably be looking at radiation for pain management. hmmm...
When I quit smoking three years ago, I'd never heard of multiple myeloma; It is NOT one of the cancers caused by smoking; I was nine months into a really joy-filled quit and happier than I'd ever been. (my myeloma is actually genetically caused!) It truly did NOT get better in my mind. But, suddenly I was sick with an incurable disease, at the time that I perceived my life as just getting going!. I'm 51; My "almost 17 year old daughter and I are living with my momma; that is, IF momma and Holly move back home."
Today my day was FILLED with phone calls and quests. Prayers and cards. Recently on this web-site someone asked how we "re-LEARNED" and the response included a variety of strategies. I quit that "first cup ritual"and ADDED walking to work. (What a beautiful way to start the day in Southern Florida)
The real quit strategy, was pondering on the thought of having to tell my kids again that "momma" had cancer, especially if it was one of those that could have been prevented by quitting smoking.
Today, my daddy visited me in the hospital. TWICE he turned away to wipe away the tears. I love my father. Although he smokes, I never, ever want to break his heart again with that news.
Father, forgive me. Lord, have mercy. And to yall who share your prayers with a stranger. Thank you. I love you!
Dawn
