Skip navigation
All People > dawn4 > Dawn4 Blog
1 2 3 Previous Next

Dawn4 Blog

188 posts

Dawn4 Archived Profile

Posted by dawn4 Jan 23, 2017



I quit smoking on September 17, 2009.

Brief Description

Gone but Not Forgotten. RIP - they leave a legacy of their quit journeys behind as road maps for future members, to prevent the pitfalls, provide the tools and show the hope and possibilities for success at overcoming this addiction at any age at any stage.


No website in profile.



make your own countdown clocksimage


No skills in profile.

The past of couple of weeks, I've just been so busy.....Overdid it again?,  One thing I'm finding interesting to adapt to is the concept that I  can't just take take a nap and feel "normal" again.   Since my hospitalization at the beginning of the month, I've been so exhausted; too tired to even lift the laptop on most days, or is it laziness?  Either way, in my case it's dangerous.   Therefore, those days that I do get to the site, I usually read and don't comment.  Tuesday I went in for my monthly oncology labs.   As a result today after my kidney dialysis; another blood transfusion was completed.  (2nd this month)

Tonight, I'm reading blogs from the past several days.  It seems that an unusually high number are delaying/postponing - with the best of intentions I know.  



P.S. Grandbabies coming to visit this weekend!!  WOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!


Relay for Life

Posted by dawn4 Apr 22, 2012

Last night was our community's annual "Relay for Life" event .  Briefly, RFL is the primary fundraiser for the American Cancer Society.  

Our family became involved in RFL several years ago, well before my first diagnosis and cure from cervical cancer, well before my current diagnosis of multiple myeloma, and certainly before my cousin's son's death last year from lymphoma.

Last night as we arrived for the event, it began raining; pouring; lightning and thunder brought us in from the fields.....we prayed for a brief rain-delay, but that was not to be the case.  OUR Relay for Life was held under the bleachers this year!  Survivors were still honored; hugs and tears were still apparent as the roll-call of those who passed since our last gathering were shared.  I'm grateful to be here again to participate in this truly special event.  If you have not participated in RFL in your community, check it out......just find one and drop by- you can do a zip code search  on the relay for life web-page.   BRING some cash; you may find "dinner" or ice cream,  You'll enjoy the FUN; the compassion and love between strangers. The lumanaria and HOPE which light the night are not to be missed!  God's blessings...........


As I'll be out of town this weekend, Ithought that I'd just wanted to drop by for a minute to wish yall a blessed and smoke-FREE weekend!   Remember, that whether you are celebrating one day, one week, six weeks or 407 days...........each day we are CELEBRATING smoke-FREE.  CELEBRATE  and be GRATEFUL!!!!

And remember that for many of us, this day has much more meaning, Happy Easter!


I think. 

this past week was a pits week.

I fell and fractured another disc, much pain,  (radiation coming.)   THE  WORST PART WAS THE 10 PLUS PAIN.  (ON A SCLE OF "ONE TO TEN, Honey")  Of course, I had the added "fun" (HUGE sarcasm intended) of "delusional hysteria" included; likely a reaction to the new meds with the old ones.  It was quite  frightening.  It will take some time to get over the meantime, prayers and hope.  Trust God, Trust God, Trust God. AMEN.

In the hospital, waiting for the weekend to get over that I can come home.  Trust God, Trust God, Trust God.   AMEN.

(or sumthing like that. Here's for try #2)

It is well past twelve-thirty but I'm waiting on some medications -- available between 1 am and 2 am.  I keep  thinking of things to talk to my Angie about, turn to the left to share my thought and realize that she ACTUALLY IS s figment of my imagination!!!  Hmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!  

Today has been filled with guests; family; phone calls, prayers, etc.  Last Tuesday, while driving to the High School to pick up Angela, I fell asleep at  the wheel, and our family made plans for me  to not drive. On Sunday night,  I passed out and fell on the bathroom  floor at about 3:30 am. This is why the lab-work was scheduled on Tuesday.

Tomorrow, I will receive "my usual" Thursday dialysis In addition two units of blood will be transfused. And in the meantime, The C-T scan indicates a possible fracture to the L-1 disc; but my doctor stated that one of the side-effects of this anti-cancer medication is pain.  Unfortunately, there are only very limited options for treatment for multiple myeloma.  We would probably be looking at radiation for pain management.   hmmm...

When I quit smoking three years ago, I'd never heard  of multiple myeloma;  It is NOT one of the cancers caused by smoking; I was nine months into a really joy-filled quit and happier than I'd ever been.  (my myeloma is actually genetically caused!)  It truly did NOT get better in my mind.  But, suddenly I was sick with an incurable disease, at the time that I perceived my life as just getting going!.  I'm 51; My "almost 17 year old daughter and I are living with my momma; that is, IF momma and Holly move back home."

Today my day was FILLED with phone calls and quests.  Prayers and cards.   Recently on this web-site someone asked how we "re-LEARNED"  and the response included a variety of strategies.  I quit that "first cup ritual"and ADDED walking to work.  (What a beautiful way to start the day in Southern Florida) 

The real quit strategy, was pondering on the thought of having to tell my kids again that "momma" had cancer, especially if  it was one of those that could have been prevented by quitting smoking.

Today, my daddy visited me in  the hospital.  TWICE he turned away to wipe away the tears.  I love my father.  Although he smokes, I never, ever want to break his heart again with that news.   

Father, forgive me.  Lord, have mercy.   And to yall who share your prayers with a stranger.   Thank you.  I love you!



Thank YOU!

Posted by dawn4 Mar 6, 2012

Thank you to all who helped me to celebrate my 900 days smoke-FREE!  You are all very special to me and I am grateful for the support that has been available in this on-line community since my first day quit in September 2009.

I'm keeping it simple today - life is AWESOME smoke-FREE!  Can't wait to celebrate YOUR 900th day with you!!! 




Oh! The Irony!!!

Posted by dawn4 Feb 12, 2012

The spammer has TWO BADGES already!!!!!!


Cancer Conference, ETC!

Posted by dawn4 Feb 5, 2012

On Friday and Saturday I was very blessed to attend the International Myeloma Foundation Patient and Family Seminar in Boca Raton. Not once throughout the weekend did I see or smell any evidence of smoking on the property - including the parking lot!!!!   What a joy!!! 

ETC!!!!  I'm observing a plethora of new quitters...... I dont even have the energy right now to read them all, let alone reply to each one individually!!!!    To the "newbies", I'm so glad that you are here!  This community helped to save my life!!  You will hear many suggestions from others who have "been there, done that".  Please listen to their comments.  Not ALL will apply to you, but most will  whether you want to believe it or not.  It has been my experience that those who are smoke FREE, who actually stick around the Ex site have ONE purpose in doing pay it forward.   To offer to you what they were given.  ( I believe that this is what Tommy calls, collateral kindness.)  Their ONLY goal is to see you succeed in YOUR quit.  You will be given many additional resources, reading suggestions, web-sites, etc.  Some Ex-ers will treat you with kid-gloves. Others may demonstrate uncomfortable levels of tough-love.  LISTEN TO THEM ALL! 

Cigarette smoking is an addiction.  Inform yourself of addiction in general and nicotine specifically.  There are many physical, psychological and emotional components to withdrawal.  Be patient. Be kind to yourself those first days and weeks.  If you have worked a 12 step program or Celebrate Recovery in the past....those programs are just as useful in nicotine recovery!  Join the New Daily Pledge Group and post there everyday!  (there is a link on my profile page or you can find it by clicking the "Groups" tab at the top of the page.)

One tool that I found effective was reading the entire blogs of those who had SUCCESSFUL quits, starting at their beginning to most current (SEE Kellie's blog.)  This helped to answer some of my questions and gave me strength and encouragement in my quit. 

I think that the one shared trait that I have observed in successful quits is a positive ATTITUDE, it seems that those who tend to exhibit a positive attitude enjoy an easier quit.  THAT does NOT mean if you struggle with your quit, you can't be successful, just read Tommy's profile page, "kicking and screaming"! 

Anyways, I'm getting a bit long-winded here.  Welcome!  You CAN do this!!!  And your life will never ever be the same.  You will find so many "extra" blessings that come with smoke FREE, things you never even fathomed! 

And remember, we are here to help you in this journey!   WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!


Happy New Year!

Posted by dawn4 Jan 1, 2012

Welcome to a 2012!   The smoke FREE version!!!


UPDATE to "Kyphoplasty" Blog

Posted by dawn4 Dec 30, 2011

One of the hallmarks of womanhood is our ability to care for others without skipping a beat, then single-handedly negotiating world peas (in sexy high heels, mind you)  as the fever rages through us.

Laundry doesn't do itself and thus the flus, colds, pneumonias, etc., rarely even slow us down!  And here I am at this place in my life where if I have ANY FEVER at all, I am REQUIRED to go to the ER!

After my "procedure" this morning, after I wrote the earlier blog, my daughter noticed that I was running a fever.....I was admitted to the hosp.   Could be here a couple of days, last January when this happened, I was "in" for two weeks.   (wondering if I will EVER get used to this "new rule" of my life!!)




Posted by dawn4 Dec 29, 2011

Spent this morning at the surgicenter......Kyphoplasty for my back.  

It appears that it was a bit more complicated than anticipated.  Home.  Very sore.  Praying that this procedure will free me from pain and several  medications that I currently take.   Grateful for my girls, who are on "mommy duty"  (Jhinel, 20 and Angela, 16).  Jhinel found me to be quite entertaining at a time when I remember NOTHING!   (there was anesthesia involved).  I can only hope that there are no photos floating around on WWW!!!

Thank you for prayers.  <3


Gotta Have Faith...........

Posted by dawn4 Dec 26, 2011

...however, my faith has been challenged beyond what I thought possible.  Last year I celebrated Christmas in the hospital.  In fact, I spent six weeks and then another two.  I  havent been as active on this web site since, though on numerous occasions, I've asked for prayer with little or no explanation (or others have asked on our behalf) and yall have lifted us.   Again, I  thank you..... and now I feel a desire to share more of the details of my story. 

For almost six months, I'd sought relief for this excruciating pain, horrendous fatigue and related symptoms.  Two hospitals, a walk in emergency clinic, and two doctors told me that they could find nothing wrong.   Actually the last doctor stated that I was depressed and had scoliosis.  He ordered an MRI and gave me pain pills and an antidepressant.   Both were incorrect diagnosis.   When the severe rash started, he gave me a referral for a dermatologist.  By this time I'd left my job and my 16 year old daughter and I had moved in with my mother.  Even though the doctors couldn't find a cause, my health was rapidly declining.  I could barely walk and my breathing had become quite labored, For over a month, I couldnt eat and when I forced myself, it wouldnt stay down......

On December 2nd, I drove myself to the hospital.  And was admitted.  Within minutes ACCURATE diagnosis were being made.  That night, I was diagnosed with severe anemia and was advised that my kidneys had shut down.   The next day, I was informed of the real culprit - multiple myeloma.  A rare and  incurable cancer of the blood plasma.   The irony that I still struggle with today is that a simple blood test is the diagnostic tool, and had my diagnosis come sooner, I would not have lost use of my kidneys.  Obviously, for the last year we have been aggressively addressing this cancer and have encountered many joys and disappointments along the way.

Shortly after my discharge, We learned that my cousin's son had been diagnosed with a lymphoma.  His battle with this cancer was relatively brief, and at 36, Mikey passed.  My heart has been broken with sadness for his beautiful momma. 

Then at the end of August, I was driving home from Tallahassee, FL.   I'd taken my girl and her new papa-san chair back to college.  On the way home I received a phone call, to call my girl back as soon as I got home.  It didnt make a lot of sense but  .....   what the heck!  When I pulled into  the driveway and called her back, I understood immediately why she had been so stubborn about not telling me as I was driving.  My kid sister had gone away for the weekend with her husband.  She was now in the hospital in a coma. They didnt know how long she would live.   NOW the depression would start.   At the time, my sister, Holly, and her husband, Chad, had joined Ex and had celebrated one month smoke free.  A day or so later, a friend came and picked me up and took me to Ft. Myers to be close to my beautiful sister.  At some point it was decided to take her off life support.  It was a miracle that she continued to live!  She does require a feeding tube but that is the only life sustaining assistance that is required. Holly was eventually transferred to a private hospital closer to her home, and  between her husband and our mom someone was with her but for a couple of hours at night. 

Then came the worst news yet.   Momma had come home for a couple of days when the phone call came........Chad was dead.   Our beloved Chad...just didnt have the strength to continue this ordeal and had actually killed himself.   Unfortunately, this began legal battles and threats and even a kid-napping of Holly and Chad's son to Indiana.  (the custody has been resolved to our favor and the pre-schooler loves visiting his mommy, as well as his older sister and brother -- who are living with their biological dad).  Burglary charges are still pending as Chad's dad, aunt and uncle changed the locks on Holly's house and stole various  items of value. 

As difficult as this has been for me, it has been much more difficult on my mom and my dad, of course.  To my 16 year old daughter, Chad was "like a father"  and the one that she intended to walk her down the aisle at her eventual wedding.  She spent many weekends or vacation days "hanging" out with their family.  She has struggled so much, but thankfully is finding some relief in therapy.  My Angela had asked that we not have a Christmas Tree this year, her sister and I agreed.  It's still too sad.

So......... why  am I sharing this????  Well it is NOT to bring sadness to you or this site.  It IS to fill in some of the mystery, because yall have prayed consistently, often with little or no explanation.  And your prayers are being heard by God, creator of the universe, healer and comforter, Abba Father.  Holly is Improving, soon she WILL wake up and come home.  THIS we believe.

This Christmas eve, my girls and I went to West Palm Beach and attended services at our previous church, most of whom had only heard the prayer requests for our family over the last fourteen months.  Our Christmas miracle was this...... ALL three of my daughters were there as well as my two granddaughters.  (5 yrs; 5 months).  Oh and my best friend joined us as well.   ( I forgot to mention that my 30 year old daughter has been in counseling and now rehab for an addiction to narcotic pain relievers and is doing so well in working her recovery program!)

When I quit smoking in September 2009,  I had such joy in this success........I was the happy quitter.  AND I HAD PLANS for my new, healthy life!!!!  I started working out and was walking 5K's.  I planned on running a 5 K for my 50th birthday.....ha!   "MY" plans.  Today, I walk with a walker or a cane.  I sleep often and I'm expecting to have back surgery in the next week.  My prayers are simple.....healing for Holly and for us all and for God to have his will in my life, even as I struggle with my own purpose in his plan.  I pray for strength for my momma who lives near the Institute to be with Holly.   I thank you for your continued prayers.   I want to share this most important thought with you.......never, ever, in this past year have I seriously considered smoking even one cigarette.  I know it would not resolve one piece of this mess,  In fact, smoking would only cloud my thoughts and my emotions, it would injure my healing, It's just NOT AN OPTION!  So, when yall talk about the stress................believe me I  know......but you, WE are worth far more than what that addiction has in store for us!!!  Life will still be life......there will be good days and not so good days, and there will be days, weeks, months where we may struggle beyond what we ever imagined.......AND NO MATTER IF IT IS A BETTER DAY OR A SAD DAY..... IT IS SO MUCH BETTER SMOKE FREE!!!! 

Praying for us all, (that includes YOU!)  for a healthy, joy filled 2012.  Praying for extra miracles in all our lives this coming year.  Most of all, praying for a year of freedom from nicotine!

God Bless you, each and every one!!!




"Whatever It Takes"

Posted by dawn4 Dec 18, 2011

"Whatever It Takes", that was just one of the commitments that I made when I quit SMOKING!!!

                         QUICK!!! Hide those Christmas cookies!!!!!!


To My Kid Sister...

Posted by dawn4 Dec 13, 2011

Happy birthday, Holly!

I love you.