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2016
Daniela-3-11-2016

111 Days DOF

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Jun 30, 2016

Too nice of a number not to acknowledge ! 

Proud of myself to make it here, thankful for my friends and their support here at EX, a bunch of cravings today, breathed them out, ran them away, swallowed them with iced water!!!

long trip tomorrow, Western Romania to Boston, 50 min layover in Munich, but I got assistance for mom, it will be easier then our trip in.  Not a lot of time to think about cravings, honestly I feel them mostly when stressed out.  Not after meals anymore, not when I relax, they seem to appear when my BP goes out...

getting some rest now, trying to minimize the jetlag, and be able to enjoy my kids on Saturday.

be well my friends

Daniela

Daniela-3-11-2016

From Romania

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Jun 26, 2016

First, best wishes of health and recovery to all!  I have been not connected for nearly a week now, but I need to report a couple of little for some, big to me, victories

1. Our son's wedding and all the festivities, all the tears and emotions, did not impact my recovery!

2. For the first time today since March 11, the first DOF, I spent a couple of hours in the same enclosed space with my niece and her husband, both smokers of 2-3 packs/day.  Now they don't even count anymore, they buy the tobacco and the filtered tubes and they have a huge box of cigarettes in the middle of the table, and filled up ashtrays throughout their new , beautiful home.  Not for a minute I was even tempted,  not even when I found a half smoke cigarette, a lighter and an ashtray in the bathroom.

going strong for now, flying back to Boston on Friday, and back to Phoenix on Sunday!

love and hugs to all

Daniela

Daniela-3-11-2016

Thank you

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Jun 19, 2016

First, I updated the profile pic with our kids last night.  It was a short event, about 4-5h, on a boat starting on the Charles river in Boston, and slowly cruising not too far from the harbor.  Beautiful scenery, our son surprised us by asking Gillian to be his wife, first in Romanian, then in English.  Of course mom and I cried a lot!

Second, thank you all for the congrats!  Yes today I entered.triple digits, but I could not have done it without you, elders and newbies, and everything in between,  all your blogs helped a little, and brought me where I am today, thank you!

Daniela-3-11-2016

Rehearsal dinner

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Jun 17, 2016

In several hours we are attending the rehearsal dinner for our son's wedding!  And I made the cakes.  The pic is for Storm, this one of the cakes I made, when training myself to decorate.  I' will change the pic a little later with the cakes I made here.

Daniela-3-11-2016

Away from home

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Jun 16, 2016

A bunch a new experiences as an ex-smoker, long flight, 3h jet lag, meeting son's in laws for the first time...and I am making it...in some ways, it seems even easier...building new memories with no cigarettes.   Some cravings, lots of cold water, and it passes...

this is feasible , it is getting easier, the mind set is not enough, the heart has to be in it!  I am not afraid to say it, I used to smoke, it is forever part of who I am, but I am not a smoker anymore. 98 DOF in 18 min.

all the best, love to all!

Daniela-3-11-2016

Healthy quitting

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Jun 14, 2016

image

Lori blogged yesterday about not feeling her best, even though she should have been out of NML and feeling better and better every day.  

I replied with saying that yesterday was a very confusing day for me, I had started several blogs, and ended up deleting them, as well as responses to other blogs.  I am still in NML, so if confusing feelings/behaviour are to be expected, I am right there...

Many craving assaulted me yesterday, I did lots of moving around, cold water and unfortunately sweets.

Just to wake up this morning to a fasting blood sugar of 143.  And that, with treatment.  So obiviously, diet is the most important thing I can do for now, but that is easier said than done.  

And the next 19 days I'll be away from home...no dieting on vacation...especially that Romanians are much like Italians, if you step in their home you have to eat something otherwise they are not happy! If you are on the streets, the little cafes also make pastries, and they smell heavenly. Do you think I'll be able to resist???

Anyways, we are getting ready for the big travel, went grocery shopping early and as I was approaching the entrance, there IT was, a still smoking butt of cigarette... 

Do you think I was tempted, OF COURSE  I was, but I walked by, inhaled a bit of what was floating in the air above the ashtray, and entered the store.

Stressed or not, gaining weight or not, dieting or not, I know one thing is getting all my attention: NO SMOKING FOR ME!

Daniela-3-11-2016

About life

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Jun 12, 2016

Today I would like to invite you for 5min to my life, rather than speaking about recovery!

7 days from today our only son is getting married.  

They told us parents on both sides, they don't want us involved financially, nor planning, they only wanted me to make the cakes for the engagement party, which I will :)

Yesterday mom and I went to the hairstylist for a touch up, and speaking about the wedding I told her mom and I will attend a make up party hosted by the bride at their home.  And I was asked: "where is your son getting ready", and I just realized that as far as they wanted to keep us from all the preparations, I don't even know when that is going to happen.

We are staying at a 2 bedroom appartment (Home away), about 1 mile from their (they have lived together for 5 years) home.  And as I was walking home form my morning walk, I realized I want him to get ready at our "house".  I want him to be mine for at least 1h or so.  It isn't only the bride's dad who is giving her away, I gave my son to her 5 years ago, and as good as she is to him, and loves him and takes care of him, I miss him so much.  

For years before moving away he was my closest friend, sometimes closer even than my husband, and then one day, he moved away, and I lost him (except for short days, always too short for me, when they visit, or when he came with me to visit his grand parents in Romania).

So here I am, crying away, so stupid of me....I love Gillian, they are good together, they make a good living and they live their life as they want.  I read somewhere that a mom's job is to teach her kids to be on their own, but the hardest part is to accept the success.

I guess here is where I am today, but not even thinking about smoking, tears rolling down my face, all I can think is that in a week, I am losing him a little more...

Thanks for listening, I know it's not right to think this way, I just can't stop myself right now...

Wedding wallpapers, Free Wedding Wallpapers, Wallpapers of Wedding

So still in NML, and gone through 2 days of heavy crying, apparently for no reason.

This morning I got up and decided instead of not knowing why I cry, if I cry today it will be of happiness for celebrating 90 DOF!

My mind is made up (at least for the day), I am grateful for all the good things in my life: 90 days of freedom, my son getting married next week, everyone in my family (including our 4 pets) is in reasonably good health, I have a job that secures my financial stability.  All of these things are coming with a price, and I recognize it, but every good thing in life comes with one.

Today I will smile more than yesterday, today I will know my tears are another proof of recovery!  And I will love NML until it goes away!!!  

A lot of things happening in my life, all positive, happy (like my son's wedding on the 18th), no smoking either!!!

Then why am I so emotional?  I have been crying since yesterday almost non-stop, even in my dreams... the few hours I slept...

And smoking was not involved in any way form or shape.

Am I scared to face new situations without the cigarette?  

Am I stuffing my feelings when saying I receive every crave with joy?  Am I honest with myself?  I thought I was, then why do I need to cry?

Need to step out of the house and drive 40min to work and I am scared I won't see the road because I can't stop my tears from falling...

Do I need to see a counselor, or this too shall pass?

I am confused, 88 DOF and feeling lower than the second/third week...

I want to be alone, and have no responsibilities but my own(and maybe that is another thing pushing down on me, i have mom, in some respects more demanding than a baby, and will have to spend the next 3 weeks or so at her beck and call because she'll be meeting my son's in laws family, and she speaks no English,  and we'll be flying long hours), maybe I am just scared of what is to come.

Thank you for listening, I'll get better, sometimes...

Daniela

If we believe it in our hearts, feel it with our emotions, what our mind creates becames our reality.

We are becoming ex-smokers, we did the home work, we learned the science of nicotine addiction, we feel the joy of becoming healthier, the sky is the limit.

We are becoming better human beings, connected in compassion, and I am proud to be one of us.

Let your heart feel the freedom, allow the joy to travel every fiber of the body, there will be no room left for doubt, temptation, or going back.

May Sunday be the day we all feel the joy of being ex-smokers, newbies, or elders, just cleaner bodies, lighter spirits, and healing bodies, this is my wish for all of us.

Daniela

I copied the title from Dale's Blog page.

For me, this is what works every minute of every hour of every day.  83 days in recovery, still in NML, but it does not matter, that changes nothing in the way I look at my recovery.

Every memory of smoking, that can bring a crave, I receive it with joy, the crave is the proof I am in recovery.

My decision of this being my last quit has been made, 83 days ago, and the only feelings I have about that are of happiness for being given the right idea, the right guidance, at the right time!

I am grateful for this group that addopted me from the first day, provided access to the right educational tools, and allowed me to do the homework! 

From the moment I started being happy and proud of my quit, instead of mourning "an old friend", the days are flying by as a ex-smoker.   There is no doubt in my mind, I will never, ever, "getting back together" with my "old friend"!