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Daniela-3-11-2016 Blog

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Daniela-3-11-2016

Goodbye Smoking

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Oct 21, 2017

I found a poem on the Internet, it is by Gail Blakeley  and she sounds just like one of us...maybe she is...

 

I'm not smoking today ;

not that the urge has gone away.

 

It's just that I'm tight and smokes are high ;

but, clothes are cheaper, I won't deny.

 

I'd like to be known for my wit and charm ;

instead of an odor setting off a fire alarm.

 

Believe me, it's not easy;

but, with a cigarette, I look sleazy !

 

I have an image to uphold ;

I'm known to be brave and even bold.

 

But, those little, white, sticks of fire ;

have always been part of my attire.

 

Will people even know me now;

without the smoke circling my brow ?

 

Grit my teeth, gnaw my tongue ;

clean my hair and clear my lungs.

 

I might even feel brand new ;

and smell like perfume, not fish stew.

 

So, wish me well, no more Pall Mall ;

and pray I do not have a fall.

 

For this will be my very last try ;

to say it's easy, is a BIG, FAT lie !!

 

But like there is a saying on this site: It Is Doable!!!

 

 

 

Life has a way to get to you, and lately, more often than expected, the desire to go back to smoking hit me many times.

 

  • seeing a driver in traffic hanging an arm out the window, holding a smoking cigarette
  • slipping on a cigarette butt (of all things, really?)
  • walking in a crisp morning and smelling smoke from a grill someone was using
  • speaking with a co-worker who just came back form a cigarette break
  • receiving a "Cuban" cigar (yes my co-worker brought me one from the Cayman islands), and sniffing the aroma; it will go to my son to have it over the holidays, but I had to sniff it, looking for the sweet smell of it.

 

And what I have been telling myself in all these occasions is that "I don't do that anymore", "I am a smoker who does not smoke".  And I feel like a fraud; I feel I started to fight the state of ex-smoker, it feels as all the benefits and blessing I have counted for now 587 DOF, fade in comparison to the state of permanent vigilance I have to execute every time the thought hits me.

 

No way will I give in, but (because there is a but) I am traversing a period when I feel the effort to stay away from the poison, to stay clean and clear of the addiction, is becoming overwhelming at times.

 

Work had been horrible lately, 12-14h or work/day, non stop, inbox continuously growing and me not being able to keep it to a manageable number, little jokes from younger co-workers ("I think you are becoming more emotional with age", really?), it all makes me feel I should step away from the place.  But it is the job which gives me the income, and that income pays for mom's medical insurance.  Got to suck it up for another 2 1/2 years.

 

I am sorry if I sound whiny, but I think I need someone to hear me, and you are my friends, my other family, and you helped me step by step to be where I am today.

 

Thank you for listening, I'll get ready for a walk, and my mind will clear a little, but I had these thoughts for a wile and felt it is about time I came here and come clean.  I will not smoke, just want to share with you all that I don't always have it easy, not even after nearly 600 DOFs.

 

Love you all!

Daniela

Daniela-3-11-2016

Friday the 13th

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Oct 13, 2017

The story starts last night when I walked over to wish my neighbor Happy Birthday; her son had just driven her back home from dinner, and as I was speaking with her, I saw his pack of cigarettes on the counter top.  Little did I know, or expect, after 581 DOFs, I'd still be tempted by it.  I made my exit rather quickly, came home and reflected on it.

 

My admiration just tripled for those of you EX who are quitting, have quit, with a smoker in the house!!! More power to you, Congratulations!

 

Then we got up at 5:00 am today, water gushing out of a city broken pipe, right in front of our house. (The pic is taken when the water receded already a little...at about 6:00).

The whole neighborhood was flooded, we called the non-emergency police line, plus the water company, the police made it here first, and they called again.  Finally the city sent their workers...it is now about noon, and they are still looking for the broken pipe.

 

 

The good things are:

1. It is a city pipe, so we won't pay for it (we still paying for the roof damaged by a microburst during monsoon season)

2. I happened to have the day off for 2 Drs appointments, so mom was not facing all this alone.

 

AND THE BEST THING IS: I DID NOT SMOKE OVER THE PACK OF CIGARETTES AT MY NEIGHBOR'S, NOR DID I TODAY OVER THE MESS AT MY HOUSE.

 

Life happens to all of us, Friday the 13th is just a coincidence, everyone is safe (no running water, so all neighborhood is a little stinky, but we'll eventually get it running and clean up), and we can get over it and NOT SMOKE.

Many of us (at least us females) cried our eyes out at the beginning of our quit, because we

lost "our best friend".

If smoking were my real friend:

 

  • it would have never let me cry so much without at least a hug; I did not get it, my arms were empty, my mind in despair, and the only "consolation" was to light up another one...
  • it would have told me long time ago: "your are heading to your early demise by one of the terrible disease I bring with me"  and now in retrospective, and after reading a lot about it: the fatty liver, diabetes, and Hashimoto's were if not 100% initiated, at least seriously helped developing in my body by smoking
  • it would have told me years ago: "if you quit, look how much money you can save; it will secure you the funds for a nice vacation every year"
  • it would have told me: "every time you step out to have one, in the designated area, visible from the executive management's offices, you put your job in jeopardy, you are being judged for being a smoker"; not fair, right, but true none the less
  • it would have told me: "there is life after cigarettes, and as a real friend I want you to be happy and healthy, so let go of me, do it now, while there is time, do it now, and have a happy, free, and healthy life"!

 

Have any of you smokers, or EX-smokers heard that from your "best friend - the cigarette", because

I DID NOT!

Daniela-3-11-2016

Not even once

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Oct 7, 2017

Finally put in more than 5h of sleep last night; got up at 5:30, had a cup of steaming coffee, put the walking shoes on, and on to the morning walk- I went.  Got home after 30min or so, got the puppies geared up for a walk and went for another 30 min with them.  We were home by 7:30. Not even once did I think I need a cigarette, not with my coffee, not when I got back from my walk alone, not when I brought the puppies home, or now when I am speaking with you.

 

Before March 11, 2016, by this time of the day (not even 8:00 am in Phoenix), I would have smoked at least 4-5 cigarettes.  What reminded me of them today, was the thought of sharing my morning with you all.

 

Life is grand, nature is beautiful, and self-respect is born when you put out the last cigarette!

Daniela 575 DOF

 

The only good thing about Monday is that we step farther away one more day from our addiction...adding one more DOF!!!

 

 

But please, smile, we made it as EX one more weekend, parties, family, friends, smokers, drinkers, and WE MADE IT, let be proud of that and let's have a wonderful MONDAY All!

Speaking with a co-worker who's going on vacation to Cayman Islands, and she promised some Rum, I asked her to bring some local cigars too?

Seriously, today? 

 

Today I have 567 DOFs and still thinking smoking with taste good?

 

Someone, please hit me with something so I can come back to my senses...

I don't sleep well, I had a big lunch...and I am still at the office...

 

And crazy things are driving in my brain

Daniela-3-11-2016

Healthy talk

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Sep 27, 2017

I found this worth sharing with my EX friends:

Image may contain: text

No automatic alt text available.

Daniela-3-11-2016

Are you happy?

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Sep 25, 2017

 

Quit smoking is well known to make you happier!

Daniela-3-11-2016

Quitting smoking...

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Sep 16, 2017

 

And

So, it is time to

 

And QUIT SMOKING

Image result for quit smoking once and for all

 

Daniela-3-11-2016

Just a memory?

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Sep 14, 2017

After 552 days one is not supposed to taste smoke in their mouth, right?  Wrong, this has just happened to me.

 

I am drinking coffee in the living room, while mom is cleaning some Chinese Eggplant in the kitchen, around the corner from me.  I grilled the eggplant early this morning, and while drinking my coffee I feel like cigarette smoke in my mouth.

And I realized it is just a memory, the fainted smell of the grill from the kitchen combined with the coffee taste in my mouth, and puff, I think I am smoking again!

 

How powerful our memories still are after over one year of not smoking...

I know, I learned it here, it takes at least 2 season changes...

 

So for all you newbies out there, you are not alone! 

It just takes NOPE, I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE, or whatever other mantra is your favorite to get us over the hump, the bump, whatever, over the craving...or nasty memory...or romanticizing the act of smoking...NOPE, SINAO, and I definitely DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE.

 

My triggers today...

It is going to hit hard, let's pray for our friends, and for anyone who is going to be impacted!

Thank you!

Look at a turtle's walk, it is slow and steady and they go where they need to be.  And once they made it where they want to be, they can just relax in the sun.  Quitting is similar, it is slow, or so it seems when we go hour by hour, day by day, month by month.  But we eventually get to the place where we can lay in the sun, or smell the flowers, or walk in the woods, not caring we need to take with us anything but a bottle of water.

Happy quitting all!

Daniela-3-11-2016

When it rains...

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Aug 12, 2017

What a lucky dog I am: after having the storm damage, and the roof replaced this morning (and being up since 5:00 am waiting for the crew), had some lunch and went to take a little nap; and little it was; it felt I could not breathe anymore.

 

Guess what, they killed something to my AC unit which resides on the Roof!!! So now I have 85 degrees in the house, the big fan running full blast and having to wait 3-7h till an AC technician can come over...at least he committed for today, and hoping they did not killed but a connection somewhere, and it can be repaired tonight.

 

Wish me luck, please, pray, keep your fingers crossed, and as someone was telling me this morning, I will not smoke over that; leave the house and go shopping in an air conditioned mall as soon as hubby gets home, you bet!!!

Watched him till he made his way behind the entertainment center.  I hope he makes it out of the house before the cats get up.  They are good for a home, and was rainy and stormy last night; he might have looked for a shelter.

Not bigger than a safety pin, the pic is as close as he let me be without moving away.

 

Waiting for a team of roofers to replace the damaged roof.  About three weeks ago, a microburst selected our home, and left half of the house uncovered.  And of course the insurance company says only the impacted half needs replaced, the rest of the roof is great, yeah, right!  We got a good deal from the roofer to put it up 13 years ago, and will pay out of pocket to have it all replaced.  Not sure they will work today, it rained last night, it is still overcast and windy, they might just reschedule.