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Daniela-3-11-2016 Blog

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Daniela-3-11-2016

New Shoe

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Nov 21, 2019

I learned a joke when I were young:

The teacher asks the kindergarten class: "what are you missing at home, can I help anyone", the kids take turns responding: "crayons, a phone, a dog...and so on"; one of them the proverbial "retarded" says "nothing, we have everything, I heard dad say last night, after my sister told him she was 15 and pregnant, dad said: that's all we were missing..."

And look at me, all I missed was a new shoe, after hitting my toes against the wooden leg of the sofa.

Anyone familiar with it?

And BTW when I hurt it, more than 10 days ago, I did not think much of it, iced it and lived with the pain, without looking for comfort in the old addiction, NOPE!!!

 

Can I do it afterwards?  You see the driver's window open?  That served the driver, a man about my age, to throw out his cigarette butt, which hit my car...

Now, since I am an EX, rarely do I drive with the window open, but if I were, I could have been on fire this morning because of that...

What would you do if you were me??? I am still mad at him, and he is old enough to know better....keep his butts to himself!

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Daniela-3-11-2016

Limoncello

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Nov 12, 2019

Never had one drink of it; I am having it tonight! 36 years wedding anniversary, hubby was tired,he is taking a nap, and I am enjoying 50ml of Limoncello, man, it's strong.

I only new about it from watching Giada on the Food channel using it in her cakes/cookies, what a guilty pleasure.

And it is lifting my spirits, ha, spirit is lifting my spirits!

I can't have too much, the mini-bottle I purchased along with a $60.00 bottle of Cognac for hubby, will not give me more than a little smile.

And I will leave you with a smile, don't drink too much, ever, a quit is not something an EX wants to risk, no matter how delicious the pleasure of drinking might be!

Be well my friends, smile, life is getting better as an EX!

Even the mini-bottle is cute, look at it!

Image result for limoncello mini bottles by morey

Life did not spoil me lately; many reasons to feel overwhelmed, treated unfairly (by life), tired with no apparent reason, mindlessly watching Netflix in the evenings instead of doing something more useful.  But I am tired, and depressed.  The thyroid is all over the place sending me in all kind of "unsafe" places; like the thought of not being anymore viewed as the ultimate solution to a complicated life which I feel is pushing me into the ground.

 

And another "possible" resolution???  Going back to smoking!

 

You think I am kidding, you think after more than 3 and 1/2 year of smobriety, I should be over that?  One would think but it is not true, I am still not over that!

 

Marilyn Marilyn.H.July.14.14. says it so often, we need to be vigilant!  It is what I am doing today, I am coming back to safety, back where I am being understood and supported.

Maybe it is not as serious as to title the blog "Help", but it is serious enough to start questioning my sanity in front of you all.

 

There were so many Dr's appointments in the last 2-3 months, for mom, myself and Nello, many of them disappointing, lacking clear direction, leaving me having to make decisions for treatment.  It should not be this way. Or so I think.  And maybe right here is the root of my depression: constant lack of satisfaction with our medical system, feeling left to my own devices to make it all work for my family and myself. I am almost ready to adopt the young pharmacist at our local CVS, I am seeing her several times/week, we started talking about weekends, and she recognizes me on the phone...

 

I will not smoke now, I am committed to this moment, and say no, I will not pick up another cigarette today!

Because the work we all have to do to reach 1338 DOF is no joke, and I will not give up on myself.

 

I am here to stay, here to stay smober, no matter what, and to see the colors of rainbow again, with a light heart!

It's been a long week for me, and did not get to check in very often.

 

However, I've been thinking of you all, and stopped by only to wish everyone a great weekend.

 

Get out of the house, I am sure autumn offers all kind of beautiful views, wherever in this country, it's started cooling down in Arizona.

 

Finish your Skype session with your favorite kitty and go enjoy a walk in nature!

 

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Daniela-3-11-2016

A short blog

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Sep 23, 2019

Not exactly about smoking, and yet, seeing your own mom becoming less and less resourceful to be on her own, it is a darn "reason" to smoke.  But it is where I am wrong: it is not a reason, it is an excuse one would use to start smoking again.

From the perspective given to me by the 31/2 years of freedom I gained, this is to tell you no matter how hard life can get, no matter that watching her every steps is giving you heart pains, there are always better things to do with your time than smoking.

In my case was helping her with almost every step since last Tuesday when she first fell, to requesting I work from home for at least one week, to watch her and be around for whatever she might need me, to watching her getting better and hoping the changes will stick, looking for the moments of clarity of her mind, or crying in my own bedroom after I put her to sleep for the night.

I am standing tall (as tall as a broken, and stretched back allows me to do), as an Ex, a daughter who sees her mom going towards life's NML, and living every minute with her to the fullest.

Winter is just one season.

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Daniela-3-11-2016

Metamorphosis

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Aug 23, 2019

Quitting smoking is about becoming someone else, as one of the contemporary teachers says, it is about "Breaking the habit of being yourself".

Here are some quotes for Friday inspiration!

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Image result for funny quotes about change and growth

Image result for funny quotes about change and growth

Image result for funny quotes about change and growth

Image result for funny quotes about change and growth

Image result for funny quotes about change and growth

 

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

Daniela-3-11-2016

TMJ

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Aug 17, 2019

So much for coming back to help...

I am typing with one hand, the other holding ice over the left temporal-mandibular articulation...that's right, that can get inflamed, in my case because I grind my teeth at night.  Neglecting to adjust the mouth piece made by the dentist was such a bad idea...I felt it was too tight, thinking my teeth might have moved in time. Well, now it is on, hoping to get the inflammation down.  On to make a shake, so I can get some Aleve in, glad it's the weekend and  I can hopefully get better by Monday.

Learn from stupid mistakes others make...there is always a lesson in everything we are sharing here

Enjoy the weekend!!!

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Daniela-3-11-2016

Crumbling walls

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Aug 15, 2019

Life has a way of kicking you down from time to time, to teach you humility and make you one with it; make you understand you are just a manifestation of the One we call God, or Universe, or Source, or One Soul. I've been learning; moving from a totally Newtonian (cause and effect) view of life, to at least questioning, if not yet truly believing, we are all one.

 

I've been reading, a lot, and YouTubing (did you even know this is a newly accepted word in English???), watching contemporary masters of thinking, of transformation: Joe Dispenza, Eckarth Tole, Gabor Mate, and many others. Reading about Buddhism, about Native American culture, rituals, Christianity, and how universal the teachings remain.

 

Why share here?  Because that is what we do here: we share, our lives, our struggles, our memories.

 

And while listening to an audio book "Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself", the author presents a metaphor to help the listener take the leap of faith and use it for personal growth.  And it hit me how much this applies to quitting smoking.

 

Here is the story: for years many of us wanted to quit smoking, I know I did; but the addiction kept us imprisoned, much like a person, their arms stretched, trying to hold 2 opposite walls, and prevent them from falling on each other.  We put so much resistance against quitting, so much energy went into keeping smoking, because it was what we knew best, it gave us the comfort of the known place, the known behavior, we did not have to break the habit.  We kept on smoking.

 

Little did we know all it took was to just walk away from the burden, step ahead into freedom, and let the walls crumble behind us; once we understand it, we accept it, there is no way back.  There is no space behind us left to return to; the walls have crumbled, we have no smoking habit to support anymore, we are free to step into the future.  All that old, unnecessary, harming energy can now be released, and used for higher purposes.

 

My hope is we really get it, we understand, we accept it as a permanent change, and be happy to move on with our lives as EX-smokers; that smoking is a chapter in our lives we closed forever; that we know better now, and live with purpose, real purpose, investing the time, energy, money we spent on smoking for so long, in a better cause: it can be us, our families, or our big family, the humanity.  Whatever cause one selects, or all of them, will be many times better than wasting our lives, money and energy smoking!

 

Love, 

Daniela

And just deleted a long, depressing blog.

 

Maybe all you need to know is that I am still here, still an EX, and still grieving.

Waiting for the light of hope to shine through, but still hiding if no positive, supporting thoughts can make it on the page.

 

I love you, you and your own challenges are on my mind, checking in from time to time, reading blogs, sometimes, very rarely responding.

 

Please know I wish all of you the best and one day I'll be back.

 

For Newbies, please stay the course, it is worth every crave, moments of anxiety shall soon pass, and you will find the peace, like the deepest end of a lake, when all the tormenting of the beginning of a quit had passed.

 

Love and peace, 

Daniela

Daniela-3-11-2016

Heart breaking day

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Jul 15, 2019

It has been a while since my puppy Nucka, 14 years old Shih Tzu was not well.  We've been through 2 rounds of antibiotics, and she would get better for one day, then her choking would be back. A little while ago, I noticed she was having mini-seizures, blinking her eyes, then going pretty limp afterwards.   Nearly 3 years ago, she had surgery for a melanoma on her palate.  It looks as the tumor grew back, now towards her nose, making it hard/impossible for her to breathe properly, eat or drink properly. This past Saturday, the vet told me "it's her time".

 

She's been a joy to be around, full of life and spunk, she's been the leader of all of us for 13 years she's been with us.

We adopted her when she was 14 months, and loved her like a baby of ours ever since.  She was not a healthy puppy, at 6 months weighing only one pound.  Then eventually she grew bigger, but never heavier than 12 pounds.  As a puppy we treated her liver, as she grew older, she found her health balance.  She lost 2 pounds in the last 4 weeks.

 

The decision to let her go was mine alone, as my husband did not find it in him to agree with me, let alone to support my decision.  Eventually, pressured by our son, he told me last night to do what I think is best.

 

She went to join the angels at 8:30 am today, in my arms, under my tears, and kisses.  She will forever leave in my heart, for only the one who never had a pet does not know how much they love us, how thankful they are for being in our lives, how much they miss us when we are away.

 

Here she is at different times in her life: 

 

Daniela-3-11-2016

A little break

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Jul 1, 2019

Dear friends,

 

Some of you might have noticed I have not been very active lately. My apologies.

Work is heavy, outside work I am also busy, and I feel a bit overwhelmed.

I think a little break from EX will help getting rid of this feeling.  After all, we are all busy, right?

But that feeling, no matter how much you do, you still have more left for the next morning, for next week...little hamster running in his wheel,not going anywhere,  you never stop...You all know it, I know, I just need to shake it off.

My best to all till next time, and thank you for your understanding.

Daniela

Daniela-3-11-2016

Quit and Peonies

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Jun 11, 2019

When I purchased this, on Saturday night, it was just a bud.

Look at it now, and that is how your quit will bloom if you give it time

Accept and trust, your freedom will bloom along with your quit

Daniela-3-11-2016

Reminder to myself

Posted by Daniela-3-11-2016 Jun 10, 2019

 

AND

 

When my day at work was long, the commute was busy, I had to stop at the pharmacy for some essentials, and I got home to argue with "my other half" (whomever in the world invented the notion, I feel more than whole myself), I need to go back on some inspiring moments I collected along the quitting journey...and lift my own spirits up, if all around me they are lower than dirt!!!

We all have these days, right?

To mind my own business, and not offer help, unless asked...

 

I have a lady co-worker, never been work friends, just worked on some projects together; he is very smart, and she knows it, and she seems to walk 3 heads taller than anyone else... She's been a smoker, but never socialized when going out for a smoke, and she mostly works form home.

 

As I have already approached all my friends who are still smoking, even if they aren't planning on quitting now, they took the card with a knowing smile on their faces; the card went to the garbage for sure, right after I walked away.  But it did not matter to me, as long as I knew I walked my half way to help.

 

Today was one of the rare days the lady and I were in the office at the same time; I took a card, approached her and started by saying "if you ever think about quitting"...she handed me the card back and said "I don't want to quit, I like it, I smoke because I am bored, I don't want it".  No reason to insist; I took the card back smiling and wished her a good rest of her day.  And thought: "if someone, over 3 years ago, would have offered me something like that, I would have at least said "thank you", understanding the person does it just because they care".  But as many times we say : "we are all different" and she will quit, when, if ever, she'll be ready to do so.

 

I won't lie and say I did not care that she pushed back so hard, yet, she did not invite me to share anything with her, not even a hello today   So I only got in return what I deserved, and that is how life is...definitely not a reason to smoke over...

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