~~I'll be ok. Just not today.~~ Unknown
You aren't a failure, you know, because you smoked after you told everyone that you finally 'had' this quit thing down. Failing means refusing to try anymore...and that's not you.
You aren't a lost cause, either. Of course you aren't!! It's all about learning what works and what doesn't. It's about changing course in midstream if need be. It's about gaining an understanding of addiction or your triggers or your coping skills.
Quitting, in fact, is a journey, not an event. And this journey takes you places you never thought you'd be and across unexplored territory that you never thought you'd conquer. Some people relish the challenge and others fear the adventure. But all who venture into this unknown are strengthened by those who have stopped there own journeys long enough to hold out their hands for those behind them. Together we can remind each other that we can do it and that we are doing it and that it's ok not to be ok on this quitting quest. Good days, bad days, blah days, holy crap!! days will all happen as we move forward in our quits. The trick is not to let your days dictate your quit. You are in control of that and only you Hang on during those bad days and close your eyes during those holy crap!! days until they melt back into the blah and the good.
Days just happen. Whether you are quit or not, life is going to surprise you and exhilarate you and terrify you and break your heart. I mean, it's LIFE.
But your quit? You get to decide what to do with it. You can nurture it gently on those not quite ok days. You can hold it up in triumph on those remarkably powerful milestone days. And sometimes you may just need to cling to it as life spins you in circles until you are nauseous and light headed.
It's your quit. Learn it, grow it, own it. Protect it. Seriously, protect it with everything you've got inside you. Because your quit means healing, your quit means health(ier), your quit means time. Time with your family, your loved ones, yourself.
No, you're not a failure. Your not a lost cause. You're just gaining the knowledge you need to move forward in your quit journey. That's all. And that's ok.
I hope you never talk bad about yourself because you smoked. I hope you never beat yourself up because you gave up your quit. I hope you know that sometimes in life....it's ok not to be ok. The trick is to get back up and continue that journey.
I hope you do.