~~Do not get addicted to escaping. Face your sh*t, handle your business, and triumph. No battle was ever won by people who run.~~ Unknown
I admit it. I was a runner. There were things I didn't want to own up to and there were things I didn't want to handle and, most of all, there were things I didn't see as mine so I didn't heal or move past them or work through them.
I smoked instead. If I got uncomfortable with my feelings, I smoked. If someone upset me, I smoked. If I was stressed....depressed....anxious...well, you get the picture. In reality, I smoked because I was addicted but my brain was brilliantly making excuses for me and I never looked past them.
Smoking didn't just affect my body, it affected how I viewed the world and what I did during my days and how I felt about myself. That's what addiction does, you know. It grows and grows and grows into your life until you're living in this twisted kind of reality where smoking is your best friend and the world is too scary without it. Smoking did indeed mean escaping for me and how could I face my sh*t when I ran from it?
So I quit. And I healed. And I faced my stuff and I handled my business and I've never been so glad about anything my whole entire life!!! It was definitely a process 
And it definitely didn't happen overnight, but it happened. Little by little, bit by bit, I found myself. The real me that was buried so deeply under my addiction. I'm not the victim I thought I was, although I have been victimized. I'm not weak. I'm not lost. And I sure the hell am not broken.
So, dear smokers who hope to quit, take heart!! There is so much life hidden under that smoke Clear the air and you'll see it. Maybe bit by bit and little by little, but every step you take in the right direction will give you hope. Every realization that you can will boost your confidence. And every moment lived smoke free will be a triumph. Even if you waiver. Even if it takes you a few times to get started. Even if you doubt.
I like my life now. I like me now. I'm still growing. I'm still learning...even after 7 years of no smoking I still make mistakes and I still am far from perfect. But I don't run from things anymore and that, I think, makes all the difference.
Happy Halloween, everyone!!! I hope you all have a fabulous day!!!
