~~Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.~~ Brene Brown
She avoided me as long as she could. Yes, I called her and yes, I texted her. I sent her little quotes of hope and I left messages about how very much I believed in her. In the end, she called me. She was ready to talk about some things, she said. Not everything, but some.
I chatted with her at first. Where she was living. Did she need anything. All the while, both of us knew things needed to be addressed. So I asked her what happened. I let the silence hang until she was ready to answer. It was the drugs initially. She relapsed and then things kept going bad. She didn't know why, really, she said.
I knew why. Shame. Guilt. The two biggies. And so I asked if she felt guilt and she said "Absolutely." I asked if she felt shame. Her voice shook as she said, "Yes."
That opened the door to a better conversation. One of honesty, pain, discovery, and glimmers of hope.
Shame isn't just a icky feeling. Shame has remarkable power when it's locked inside one's head. It eats at any self-esteem one may have and it dissolves all positives. All hope.
But when released into the world? It loses strength. Negative emotions often thrive in the darkness of our own thoughts. Letting them out shrivels them to what they truly are. Just emotions. While emotions make you feel, they don't have any power that we ourselves don't give them. They build in the dark....they heal in the light.
Some people feel this shame as smokers. People don't understand why we don't just quit. So we hide...and smoke. It can indeed be shaming. But in the shame lies even darker emotions that drag us down into believing that we can't change....because we aren't worth change.
She didn't believe she was worth it. Until I reminded her that of course she was! She, above all else, is worthy of her love and attention. She deserves goodness. Moments of joy. Peace.
And so do you. Let out all those negative things holding you down. Talk about them here or journal about them or share with someone you love. Get them out. Release them and allow them to fade into nothing. And then focus your attention on all you deserve. On all you are worthy of.
You can indeed change your world, but you must first change your thoughts.
Good evening, my friends!