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All People > Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 > Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 Blog > 2020 > January

~~Wisdom doesn't lie.~~  Unknown


But addiction does.  It lies all the time about everything.  "You can't live without me"...."You can't get through the day without me"...."Your stress will get out of control without me"....."Your life will be nothing without me"...."You will be nothing without me".


Wisdom doesn't lie.  Life goes on regardless of whether you smoke or not.  Life goes on while you battle your addiction demons.  Life goes on while you struggle to find life beyond smoking.  Life goes on...period.


I didn't want to waste time battling my addiction.  I didn't want to spend my early quit days thinking about smoking...ways to not smoke....reasons to remain quit....feeling like I couldn't do it....wondering why I had so much trouble with quitting....making smoking still the biggest thing in my life even after I stopped smoking.


I think that's why they say that you may not have an active addiction but the behaviors also have to stop in order to be in recovery.  If you aren't smoking but every waking thought seems to be leading you down the relapse road, you need to re-evaluate your quit.  If you aren't smoking but you feel SOOOO much stress and anxiety and depression and you have in your mind that smoking would relieve all this, you need to think about what you are doing to yourself.


When you close the door on smoking, you need to lock it.  You need to not look back.  You need to bring in other thoughts, other behaviors, other actions.  Because wisdom says "You don't smoke anymore".  So why linger in your addictive thoughts?  Wisdom says "Find coping skills that enhance your life, not distract from life".  So move on.  How will you cope with stress now?  Find ways.  How will you get through that morning drive?  Find ways.  How will you move through your days?  Find out.  Because addictive thoughts will lie and you will spend your life as a serial quitter if you refuse to be wise about your quit.


We can support and we do.  We can advise and we do.  We can inform and we do.  We can't quit for you.  We can't make it easier for you if you have in your mind and your heart to keep those addictive thoughts active.  It's up to you to be wise about your quit.


Wisdom says that life is so short.  Don't waste it by keeping your addiction alive and well.  Close the door, lock it, and don't look back.  Create the life you were always meant to live. 


We Know

Posted by Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 Jan 19, 2020

~~Surely, in the light of history, it is more intelligent to hope rather than to fear, to try rather than not to try.  For one thing we know beyond all doubt:  Nothing has ever been achieved by the person who says, "It can't be done."~~  Unknown


Truthfully, everyone in the world knows how to quit smoking.  Just don't smoke, right?  That's the only way to quit.  It's simple.  It's effective.  It works every time.


So why?  Why aren't more people quitting? Why do people come here and say "I don't know what to do!"  Why are there relapses and serial quitters and tears and struggles and frustration and fears?


Because life can be hard.  It's messy.  It's emotional.  It changes.  And humans?  Well, humans don't like messy.  Humans don't like hard.  Humans don't like change.


So we get addicted to things and substances and events that allow us to forget the avoid the hide from our emotions.  And it works. It works so well that we grow our addiction with an ease that makes addiction appear normal. 


Backwards when you think about it, but it is what it is.  So we hide, we avoid, we forget.  And we like our addiction.  We tell ourselves that it 'relaxes' is our 'best friend' 'makes it ok for a little while'.


And when we are told that we are killing ourselves, we try to quit.  And by 'try', we dabble at it.  We stop for a while.  We buy patches and gum and lozenges.  But nothing works!!  We then cry and whine and wait for a miracle.  We want someone to fix it by telling us how to do it without struggles or uncomfortable feelings or stress-filled days.


Life is short, my friends.  Truly.  In a moment, your whole life can change.  That diagnosis that says you don't have much time.  That illness that never gets better.  That life changing moment that can't be avoided, forgotten, or hidden.  It's there.


Then you wish for one more chance to make things different.  One more day to change.  You want it all back to do over.


And it comes back to this.  Quitting only means you can't smoke.  That's all.  You're not being asked to make the world a better place and you're not being asked to cure cancers and you're not being asked to fly to the moon.  Just don't smoke.  The battle isn't in not's in living.  How do you live with stress?  How do you live with anger?  How do you live without addiction? 


Those things....the living things....are what you need to focus on, not the smoking.  What are you going to do when you feel like screaming?  What things in life make you feel better?  What are your talents, your passions, your skills?  Find them and fill your life with them.  As for smoking?  Just don't.

~~Be proud of who you are, not ashamed of how someone else sees you.~~


It's ok to be you....whomever you are.  Happy?  Ok.  Depressed?  Ok.  Shy?  Lack confidence?  Grumpy?  Sour?  Joyful?  Silly?  Anxious?


Just be who you are, please.  And feel what you feel.  And don't apologize for it.  Because we ALL have been there at sometime...somewhere in our life.  We don't want to see you smiling if your heart is breaking.  We don't want you being Mary Sunshine if you feel more like The Grinch. 


Sometimes I think social media puts expectations on us that we just go along with...but sometimes I think we gravitate towards the perky and happy and confident and strong.  And you know what?  All those things are ok, too.  Those who are happy should no more temper themselves than those who are broken.  Those who are confident should no more shrink than those who are nervous should hide it.


I assumed that we are all honest here about who we are and what we are feeling.  Maybe I was wrong.  It hurts my heart to think that just because I'm in a good place in my life that someone would hide their 'not in a good place' from me.  Don't you know that I just like you as you are????  Don't you know that whatever you are feeling, I'm interested in hearing???  Don't you know that it's ok to not be ok or to be fabulous or to not know how you're feeling at all???


And let me add that smoking or not smoking, you deserve to be here.  You deserve to be heard.  You deserve to be supported.  And we do, I believe.  I think we are stupendous at supporting!!  I think we are immensely understanding and tremendously patient and most of all.….we get it.  We do.  Because life isn't always rainbows and glitter.  Life isn't always smooth and calm.  And we tend to make our share of mistakes.  We blooper.  We respond wrong. We err. 


We are all human.  Be who you are and never hesitate to share the real you.  No shame.  No embarrassment.  No fear.  We're here for you.   Regardless of where you are in your quit or what you're going through, we are here. 


Maybe Today

Posted by Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 Jan 12, 2020

~~This is a wonderful day.  I've never seen this one before.~~ Maya Angelou


So how about just being in the moment today?  Maybe you can stop wishing for 'better days'.  Maybe you can stop wishing for your quit to be easier or your job to be more challenging or your family to recognize your worth.  Maybe you can stop wishing to be perfect or older or prettier or wittier. 


Maybe you can just be here.  In this day.  Feeling the sun on your face or feeling the cold on your nose or the warmth of your fireplace.  Maybe you can look in the mirror and just like what you see.  Maybe you can honor your commitment not to smoke and just not be overwhelmed today. 


And maybe if you're stressed, you can focus on your breathing for a while and find yourself relaxing.  Maybe you can believe that things are how they are and that's ok, just for today.  Maybe you can find some adventure or give a little of yourself or even just melt into your couch and settle in for the day.


Maybe you can make a memory.  Maybe you can feel the magic.  Maybe you can catch a glimpse of 'this is ok'. 


Today will never come again.  This day....Sunday, 1/12/2020....only happens once in a lifetime.  Be here.  Enjoy it.  Feel it.  Without wishing for something different or remembering how it used to be.  And if you're in a bad place in your life....if things are hard or your heart is broken or you can't seem to forgive.....come back to you.  Be gentle with yourself.  Treat yourself kindly.  Know your own worth.  Find yourself in today. 


Maybe, in your loneliness, you will be your own best friend for today.  Maybe in your depression, you will nurture your being for today.  Maybe in your anxiety, you will create peace around you for today.  Maybe today will be the day that you learn to love yourself. 


Maybe you will make today count.


Give It a Wink

Posted by Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 Jan 10, 2020

~~A strong woman looks a challenge dead in the eye and gives it a wink.~~  Gina Carey


Quitting most definitely is a challenge.  You can fear it, if you choose to.  You can dread can resent it......or.....


You can give it a wink.  Because you've got this.  You understand that smoking is an addiction, not a joy.  You get that there is nothing to fear.  You recognize how very much you have to gain.  And you're going into your quit with confidence and courage and strength and knowledge.


You welcome the challenge and you rise to the occasion.  Cravings?  You acknowledge them for what they are.....a continuation of your quit.  Stressed?  You know that life itself can be stressful so you use positive coping skills to combat it.  Anxious?  You learn to breathe through it.  Depressed?  You allow it but never wallow in it.


Life is a journey...quitting is only part of the adventure.  There is so much more on the other side.  And you are looking forward to trip   So you will get on with it.  Because you have so much more to experience!!  So much  more that you want to accomplish!!  And it all will be so much more when you break that cycle of addiction.


So you wink.  You're ready.  And it's time.  

~~Today I want you to ask yourself this one question.  "Why not you?"  Why not you to do something for work that you love?  Why not you to have a healthy body?  Why not you to have healthy love?  Why not you to be, have, or do anything you have ever dreamed?!  We are so quick to think others are deserving over ourselves.  The truth is that we are all deserving so why not you?! ~~  Jillian Michaels


Ok, I'll admit it.  I used to be jealous of the Dales and the Giulias and the Sooties on this site....they quit and seemed so settled into their quits that you could tell they wouldn't smoke again.  I wasn't like that.  I battled my addiction like a dog with a bone....I held on to the struggle, not the quit.  So why could they do it????  How did they do it????  And why couldn't I????

There was the answer in those same three words.....why couldn't I?  But instead of saying them with a negative, dejected, defeatist point of view, I simply had to say those same words in a different way....a positive, hopeful kind of way.  Why couldn't I?  Why couldn't I have what they had?  Why couldn't I enjoy the freedom of quitting?  Why couldn't I do what others do each and every day...quit smoking.

There was no reason I couldn't.  I wasn't doomed to my addiction for all eternity.  I wasn't any less than.  I wasn't weaker or more fragile or unable.  Quite the opposite, in fact   I was strong, capable, intelligent, and able.

And so are you, my smoking friend.  So are you.

Allow your inner warrior to take over.  Allow your courage to break free.  Allow your strength to hold you up.  Allow your intelligence to guide you.  And in all of that, know that you can.  Squash that little addict voice in you that doubts.  Push aside those nagging little hesitancies.  Ignore the fear that's trying to slow you down.  Fear is temporary while regrets are forever. 

Instead, hold on to that spark of hope that you can, indeed, quit.  Turn towards that light at the end of the tunnel and let it slowly warm you as you move forward.  Every day, every hour, every minute that you don't smoke you've gained freedom.  It's not a battle, it's simply a journey.  Stormy at times but life itself gets stormy and we don't quit that now, do we?  We get through it by getting through it.

Ultimately, why not you?  There is no reason other than your addiction trying to stop you.  Don't let it.  Recognize what it is and then gently leave it in the past as you move forward.  No need to battle it.  No need to fear it.  No need to hate it.  It simply isn't who you are any more.  Don't give it power.  Don't give it life.  Accept that quitting brings addiction and freedom together for a brief time before one dies out while the other flourishes on.  You get to decide which does what


Yes, You

Posted by Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 Jan 1, 2020

~~Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.~~ John Milton


10 years on this and on.  10 years of meeting quitters and hearing remarkable stories of courage.  10 years of creating my forever quit through the information, the support, the kindness on EX.  I'm only 6 1/2 years into my quit because it took me awhile to truly figure things out in my own mind.  But my quit was here all the time...waiting for me to realize it.


I am grateful for the people here.  The stories they've shared, the wisdom they offered, the grace in which they live.  Oh, my gosh, I'm grateful!!  They never gave up on me...I've never seen them give up on any of us...and they were patient, kind, and so generous with their time.


I am grateful for this site.  The way it used to be because it allowed me to find forever friends and make precious memories.  The way it is now because it challenges me and allows me to develop new skills and different ways of doing things.  The information that is spot on and the professional assistance that makes a difference in any quit.


I'm grateful that my quit started here with these phenomenal people and this amazing site.  The only thing missing  And when I took the time away from social media and even real world drama, I found that my quit was only going to happen when I took it, grew it, and owned it.  It was mine...and it still is.  I can protect it, I can keep it....or I can give it away.  Always a choice that starts and ends with me.  And I will own it always.


So I'm grateful.  And I'm honored that others share their remarkable lives here with us.  And I'm humbled by the kindness I see, the courage I witness, and the tremendous power of love that is shared.  You...all of you...have changed me forever in the best possible ways.  You have made a difference in my life and even when I'm away from the site, I keep with me the sweetness of Marilyn's posts...the warmth of Colleen's comments....the humor of Dale's stories.  I don't need to be here to feel the way you care.  But it's wonderful to know that there is a place for me.


Gratitude has not only opened my eyes but it's opened my world.  It's allowed me to feel more and be more.  And the best part of me....the addiction free, nonsmoking me...started right here about 10 years ago.  So I'm grateful.