~~The things you are passionate about are not random. They are your calling.~~ Fabienne Fredrickson
My calling, I've come to understand, is helping people achieve their highest potential. Helping them see that they are worthy of good things...that they deserve to be treated with kindness and compassion....that they matter in the world. I'm good at it sometimes and sometimes not so good. But in the end, people decide for themselves who they are and what they deserve in life.
That's when I get drained. Drained of energy, drained of enthusiasm, drained of skills. Because when a dad I'm working with decides that he doesn't deserve a good paying job....when a mom I'm working with decides she doesn't deserve to be treated with respect...when a student I'm working with decides he isn't worthy of an educations....it breaks my heart. When people are hateful to each other, when someone is dismissed as unimportant, when I'm told to just stick to my job....it hurts.
Yet it's my calling and I will continue to try. My own problem comes in when I forget to take a break. When I forget to enjoy life. When I forget that I need to take good care of myself. So I get drained, teary, and distant.
Yet I still show up here every now and then to remind you that quitting smoking is the very best thing you can ever do for yourself. I show up because I don't want you to die a horrible smoke related death. I show up here because you truly can quit. I show up here because I used to be you and people like me showed up here for me.
Please don't think I'm uncaring. Please don't think I'm being blasé or cold. Please don't think I don't understand how you feel. Quitting had squeezed out every emotion I've ever had about myself and most of them weren't good or nice or positive. But I persisted and I hope you persist as well.
My point now that I've rattled on is that I recognize I'm not on my game here lately. My thoughts are somewhat scattered, my posts are a bit unfocused, and I'm not talking to my friends here as I like to. I am, in fact, burnt out in life right now. But my bills need to be paid and my families need to be supervised and my students need to be taught and my son needs to be raised so I put one foot in front of the other.
The difference, however, is that I am also taking that 10 minutes to steal away and bask in the sunshine. I'm taking another five to read that book I love. I'm taking 30 minutes to do my yoga. I'm bringing all that I love back to life little by little.
I don't feel like I have to take a vacation to rejuvenate. I simply need to remember to bring all that I love with me throughout the day. And one of the things I love is being here. So have patience with me while I make adjustments to my thoughts, my actions, and my words.
Love to you all here! Thank you for bringing me into the light!! No smoking (not even thinking about it), just awareness, patience, adjustments, replenishment. Life will be fine once more.