~~Limits, like fears, are often just an illusion.~~ Unknown
You have it in your mind that quitting is 'too hard'. You believe that you 'can't do it'. You tell us that we 'don't understand what you're going through'. Finally, you just fade away because we are 'too judgmental and mean'.
Addiction won. You are still hooked. You are still putting toxins and poisons into your body. You are still at that mindset that smoking makes you feel better.
It's an illusion. A perfect illusion manufactured by your brain to keep you 'feeling good'. Now if you understand anything about brain chemistry, you know that the brain works overtime trying to find ways to keep you happy. Those feel good neurotransmitters tell the brain that whatever is causing them happiness needs to continue. The brain does not immediately scream "Danger!! Danger!!!" Because it is happy. Nicotine stimulates those 'feel good' neurotransmitters to kick in...and then the brain says "Hey, this is wonderful!! Keep it coming!!"
All those other thoughts...the thoughts of illness and death, the thoughts of wrinkled skin, bad teeth, horrible odors.....take second seat to those other thoughts of "this feels good!!!" The brain shies away from feeling sad or depressed or negative. The brain is programed to make us feel good.
But it's an illusion. Because what you're doing is so very, very dangerous in every way. You are putting poisons into your body. You are sucking in chemicals that are meant to kill. You are risking not only your life but the lives of those around you.
Please see it for what it is....not what your brain is telling you. Given time, your brain will come to its senses and agree that smoking is hazardous. Until then, it is up to you to actively tell yourself that.
This is what addiction is, my friends. An illusion....a lie....a brain disfunction. And when you understand that, you CAN overcome it. You CAN work through it. You CAN quit.
Life is meant to be lived. And life is so much more than you will ever know as a smoker. YOU are so much more than you will ever be as a smoker. Give quitting a chance. Give yourself a chance to live smoke free.