~~Whenever I feel weak, I remember those who make me strong. And whenever I start to doubt myself, I remember those who believe in me.~~ Unknown
I remember my ex-husband leaving me with three little ones under the age of 5. I was terrified. But my children meant the world to me and I wasn't going to show them my fear.
I remember starting college at the age of 27. I was terrified. But my children relied on me for everything and I needed to make a good living so a college degree meant income.
I remember going out with DCF and seeing my first removal. Children being removed from their mom. Five children. A deputy had to carry the 10 year old out of the home, kicking and screaming for his momma. I was devastated. But that family needed me to guide them, support them, and reunite them so I had to be strong.
I remember my step-dad's memorial service. He had died a terrible cancer death and I was in shock because I hadn't known it was that bad. I lost the only person in my family who truly liked me. But Jacob was only a few weeks old and I had three other children who lost their grandpa. I needed to make sure they were ok.
I remember wondering if I should take the job as supervisor at work. That would mean supervising 14 others and being the leader for all of Walton County FFN. I hesitated. My children, however, knew I could do it. They believed so I believed.
I remember talking to a 6 year old who had seen his 8 year old brother hanging from a belt in their closet. He couldn't remember his name. He had so much to work through and the therapist told me he would probably need therapy on and off during certain times in his life for the rest of his life. I played with him, I listened to him, and I was there for him. It was all I knew to do.
There are times in your life where smoking a cigarette is all you know how to do. Life is complex, messy, and painful. But it is at those times when we realize that we are made stronger by those who love us and those who need us and those who believe in us. So rather than turning to what you know, turn to those who know you. You'll find they ease your heart, they ease your fears, and they make you once again believe in yourself.
And if you don't have those special people for whatever reason, then come here. You have elvan, you have Youngatheart.7.4.12, you have Giulia, you have jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007, you have constance2, you have JACKIE1-25-15, you have Strudel, you have Thomas3.20.2010, you have indingrl.01.06.2011, you have Ralph1955, you have Mandolinrain, you have Marilyn.H.July.14.14., you have IrishRose, you have Barbscloud, you have TomW5.15.17, sweetplt, Daniela-3-11-2016, and others...so many others!!….so many people here willing to believe in you and keep you strong.
Thanks to all those above (and those I didn't mention because I have to get back to work!) who worked so very hard to keep me strong during the early days of my quit. Much love to you!!