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All People > Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 > Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 Blog > 2019 > July

Life Happens

Posted by Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 Jul 25, 2019

~~For some reason it's always when you least expect it, sweet soul.  It all comes together at the most unexpected times.  So you might as well....You might as well let go, trust and go with the current...because you'll warmly look back (when it's all come together) one day and think why you didn't.  Open up your clenched fist around life.  Let it breathe.  Let your life breathe.  Let life breathe in you.  Let yourself breathe in life.  It will bring about everything you need.  Life has a funny way of doing that, just not in the way we image.~~  S.C. Lourie


Life's been incredibly busy for me lately.  In between the visitation center and teaching GED classes, my children have been going through life and need my support.  Now, I used to think that I'm overwhelmed.  I used to feel stressed.  I might even complain that I have no time for myself.  I might have even...gasp....smoked my way into righteous indignation.  Like "I need this cigarette because my world is chaotic".


Can you imagine????  How silly of me!!!  Life is chaotic.  Life is messy.  Life is exhilarating and funny and challenging and continuous.  Of course it is.  But the best part of life?


It happens.  Life happens.  You can't control it...although you may think you need to.  You may try to hide from it...through addictions such as smoking...but life will find you.  You may even try to bargain with it..."if I quit smoking, I will need peace for a while".  Life doesn't work like that.  It just happens.


Once I figured out that life will happen no matter how I feel about it or what I think about it, I began to just...let it happen.  Life is busy?  Ok.  Life is sad?  Ok.  Life is challenging?  Ok.  It is what it is and I can respond, react, feel, think whatever I want to.  Life will happen why not just let it be?


I let life happen now.  It just feels...right.  If my life is busy...well, I am just busy.  It doesn't mean I don't have time to myself.  I make the time for yoga or for a friend or for a hug.  If life is challenging, I rise to the occasion. I may make a mistake...but it's a learning opportunity, it's not a life sentence of regret.  I find that I can get through those challenges and I can get through the hurts and I can get through the obstacles.  Stress?  Stress is self-made and I refuse to make it anymore.  When I find my stress level rising, I think about why and simply breathe through it and let go.


Smoking for me was an addiction started by my desire to find acceptance as a teenager and then carried on through my adult life part out of simple habit and part out of a desire to mask my emotions.  Quitting was tough in that I had to learn it's ok to have those emotions....positives and negatives.  And the more I learned about me, the more I learned about life.  Its gonna happen.  And thank God for that, right?!!  Allow it to breathe and allow yourself the opportunity to just let go and allow life to have you.  It does anyway.


Enjoy will never happen again

~~You will never be free until you free yourself from the prison of your own false thoughts.~~  Philip Arnold


A long time ago, I wrote a blog called "Your Quit Is Not Here".  It was about how you won't find your quit on Ex.  Wonderful people, yes.  Excellent advice, yes.  Extraordinary support, yes.  But not your quit.  If you think you will find it here, free yourself from that prison of false thoughts.  Stop looking for your quit in someone else's journey.


I see it time and time again.  People come here for answers about quitting smoking.  They write a post or two, find tons of comments, and then get somewhat lost in the excitement of online support.  It's wonderful to feel a part of a marvelous community!  It's comforting to find people who understand you!  It's a relief to know you aren't the only one!


But then your quit gets buried under....helping others, making friends, gaining a following....other things.  You relapse.  But, being ex, you find support, understanding, 'forgiveness', and acceptance even after you fall.  If you aren't careful, this rise and fall cycle can become a new normal that is just as hard to get out of as your original quit used to be. 


I love this community.  I truly do.  But I had to leave it to quit smoking.  Not because I was given bad advice.  On the contrary, I was given life saving advice!  Not because people were 'mean'.  The Ex community is phenomenal!!  I had to leave because I had a hard time focusing on getting serious about my own quit.  I had to figure it out and I couldn't do that when I was here.  Maybe I used Ex as a distraction?  Maybe I am better at helping others rather than helping myself?  I don't know.  I just know that I had to commit to my quit and to do that, I needed silence and focus and peace.  


It worked.  I quit smoking cold turkey over 6 years ago.  I spent three months (I think) off the internet.  I gained some positive coping skills like yoga and painting and organizing.  I healed from some old hurts and I learned to like myself again.  I let the past go and I welcomed my hopes.  I slept a lot and I got physically active.


I'm not saying that you need to leave here to quit smoking.  But if you are constantly struggling to understand why everyone else seems to be doing so well while you are not, maybe you need to reconnect to your own quit.  Maybe our stories are distractions rather than quitting advice.  Maybe there is too much information and too many good ideas for you to remember that your quit....your precious, life-saving, strong, brilliant inside you and you alone.  You aren't going to find it here. 


Because it's not here, it's in you.   Right where it should be.  Right where it's always been.  It's in your head, it's in your heart, it's in your spirit.  You know that saying about "Remember you are braver than you believe, stronger than you see, and smarter than you think" (Winnie the Pooh, I believe)?  Well, it's true.  Everything you need to quit is already in you.  You just have to free it.  Allow it to come forth and relax into it.   Your quit is part of who you truly are.


We're here for you.  Encouraging.  Supporting.  Educating.  But quitting for you can't be done.  You have to do it.  So please, please, please don't get lost in the world of Ex.  Use it to start your quit.  Use it to guide your quit.  Use it to strengthen your quit.  Your quit.  Isn't that a lovely phrase?  You can.