Skip navigation
All People > Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 > Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 Blog > 2019 > June
2019

~~I saw a lady in her 80's checking herself out in a mirror today.  She said, "Once I was young and beautiful.  Now I'm just beautiful."~~  SLAY

 

It isn't what I see in you that matters.  It isn't what your family hopes for.  It isn't what this site says you can be.  What matters most is how you see yourself.

 

So what do you see?  Possibilities?  Strength?  Hope?  Courage? 

 

Or do you see flaws?  Weakness?  Confusion?  Faults?

 

Just as that lady in her 80's sees beauty, what you see defines you.  So don't worry about what others see or what this site wants or what your family wishes for.....worry, instead, about what you see.  Because if you see anything less than incandescent perfection, you aren't seeing yourself clearly.  It's your flaws as well as your strengths that make you who you are and its your confusion as well as your clarity that gives you the courage to try.

 

Imperfectly perfect.  We all are.  We were born who we were meant to be, yet the years of others expectations....the trials of living...the hurts, the lessons....beat us down into something less than who we really are.  Smoking is one of those negative coping skills that allowed us to hide from a world we couldn't always face.

 

It's time, though, to get rid of that negative coping skill and face the world with all the grace, courage, and strength we have.  You do have it, you know....you just have to look in that mirror and see it. 

 

So what do you see?

Dancingthrulife_6.4.13

Life Has You

Posted by Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 Jun 15, 2019

~~The thing to remember when everything feels like too much or there's no way through, the thing to remember is that life wants you. It's all around us and inside.  It's in the changing seasons and your heartbeat.  Everywhere.  Life has you.  Always has.~~  Jacob Nordby

 

 

Funny thing about life....it knows what it's doing.  We can fuss at it, dig in our heels...and yet it has it's way in the end.  Pointing us in the right direction, gently shoving us along when we lag behind, and generally making it utterly impossible for us to NOT do what we were always meant to do.

 

Quitting, in this case.  Once that thought gets in your head...you know, the "I need to quit" thought...it lingers there.  We try to ignore it but it pokes at us relentlessly.  So we resentfully 'try' to quit.  Go back to smoking only to find that...darn it...something pulls us towards quitting again.  We fight it...we smoke...we quit...until BAM!!  Life has us.  And before you know it, you're celebrating your 6 year quit anniversary  

 

Life knows our path and it sets us on our journey.  When we waiver, when we hesitate...life will nudge us.  When we plant our feet and say "NO!", life laughs and simply continues to get in our way. 

 

We were never meant to be nicotine addicts.  We were never meant to smoke.  Life knows that and once we know that...it stays in the way of ever really enjoying puffing on a cigarette again. 

 

So let life take you.  Let life guide you and let life fill you with all the good it has to offer.  You aren't losing a thing by quitting.  But you are gaining....life

~~If the universe didn't need you, you wouldn't be here.~~  Unknown

 

In the midst of heartbreak, people turn back to smoking to cope.  In the middle of agony, they pause and light up.  No hesitation.  No second thoughts.  Just mindless chemically produced relaxation for a few precious moments.

Or so say a mom and dad who visit their little guy at my center.  Their parental rights had been terminated on their other children...during that time she got pregnant...the state came and took this child as well.

And so they smoke.  They say they have nothing anyway so why not?  It produces a few minutes of not thinking in a world that is too painful to think about. 

What am I supposed to say?  I recognize this mother's agony.  I see the hopelessness in this father's eyes.  There is nothing to say.  They won't get this baby back.  I told them that I don't know why life happens the way it does.  It can be unfair, it can be devastating, it can be painful.  But you are here for a reason.  You are here because God needs you to carry out His mission.  You are here.  And you need to be aware of your purpose and move towards it.  Maybe you need to help out your children when they come back home years from now.  Maybe you need to help other parents get through their pain.  But whatever your purpose, you will be unable to do it to the best of your ability if you are once again addicted to nicotine.  Please treat yourself better than that.

That's all I knew to say.  No answers....I never seem to have any answers.  But I do know that smoking through your pain isn't the best way to cope.  Do I understand it?  Yes.  But I know that smoking leads down a road full of illness, isolation, selfishness that comes from addiction...well, we all know, don't we?

I can't ease their pain.  I can't do anything about their journey at all.  But I walk it a bit with them.  I listen.  And I remind them that if the universe didn't need them, they wouldn't be here. 

The mother didn't smoke today. 

Thinking of smoking?  Walk with me instead and tell me why you hurt so much that you would lose your quit.....

Dancingthrulife_6.4.13

You Can

Posted by Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 Jun 13, 2019

~~Your faith can move mountains, your doubts can create them.~~  Unknown

 

So I was teaching my students math this week when one said, "I just can't do it."  Several more then chimed in about how they couldn't 'do' math, either.  It was too hard, they were too dumb....and the snowball rolled. I listened for over 15 minutes as they spewed how stupid math was and it was unfair to think they could understand it after taking so many drugs over the years (yes, they did go there).  And then I just asked one simple question "What can you do in math?"

Silence.  

I pointed out they could add and subtract fractions with different denominators.  I reminded them they could find the slope of a line....the volume of a cube...they could use F.O.I.L......they could find simple interest.  I reminded them how we had laughed as they worked polynomials on the board while those who looked into the classroom had no idea of what they were doing while my students understood it.

Just like my students, I will ask you...what can you do?  Stop thinking "I can't quit".  Stop thinking "I'm too stressed", "Too hard", "No support".  And start somewhere else.  What can you do?

You can get educated about addiction....because if you can't quit smoking, you are, in fact, addicted.

You can build a support system...both here and out in the world.  Join a cessation class, join a gym, talk to your family, ask friends for support.  You will do much better if you have someone on your side

You can research NRTs.  You can talk with your doctor.  You can explore your options.  You can build a strong, solid quit with all those things you CAN do.

As with my students who now think they can do some math, you will start thinking you can do some things to help you quit.  The more things you do, the easier the actual quit will be.  And no, I'm not saying you won't have some hard times.  I'm saying you will get through those hard times knowing  you 'can'.

Doubts build mountains...faith moves them out of your way.  You can.

~~I love when people who have been through hell walk out of the flames carrying buckets of water for those still consumed by the fire.~~  Stephanie Sparkles

 

While quitting can make you feel like you are consumed by the fire, there are soooo many wonderful survivors of hell who carry those buckets of water towards you!!  Please pay attention when they pay attention to you   They've been there.  They know.  They understand.  And if they don't, they will ask questions until they do understand.

 

You are never alone in your journey even though you are the quitter.  Your choices, your decisions, your path.  But those who have forged the way have not forgotten what it's like to start the journey.  They lag behind, holding out hands for you, walking beside you, and lifting up obstacles so you don't trip over them.  There are here early morning, they are here during the day, they are here late at night.  Just paying attention.  Distracting you from the heat.  Encouraging you every step of the way.

 

Some are compassionate.  Some are no nonsense.  Some are fighting battles you will never hear about.  Kindness is never wrong...so be kind.  Ask questions.  Wonder.  Share.  Offer.  Shine your own light.  And know, please know, that these people...some called 'elders', others who will be....are here for YOU.  They have your back and they light your way.  

Heroes.  Warriors.  Healers.  Nurturers.  And their only purpose is to help you quit.  Wow.  How magnificent is that?

~~Learning to believe in yourself won't always be easy.  There's no simple cure to self-doubt--that voice inside you that says "I will never be good enough."  That is why you should take care of your doubt--hold its hand in the rain and remind it that you are a human being and it's okay for you not to be perfect.  It's okay for you to take longer than others.  It's okay for you to fail, it's okay for you to learn and it's okay for you to try again.~~  Juansen Dizon, Be Your Own Kind of Magic

 

Addiction is sneaky, people.  It lies and it preys on your weaknesses.  It knows your secret fears...your unspoken doubts....your overwhelming worries.  Because all these things go around and around in your head as you try to shield yourself from a world that can be challenging by smoking.

 

So if you are doubting you can quit, don't.  If you are doubting your strength to quit, don't.  If you are doubting your ability to live smoke free, don't.  Don't believe those nagging little whispers that 'you can't', 'you can't', 'you can't'. 

 

Battling your own mind, however,  can be exhausting...and futile.  How about trying to make friends with your doubts instead?  How about taking care of them?  How about making peace with those sides of you that are less than perfect? 

 

While your addictive brain exploits your doubts, you yourself can accept them.  So you are afraid of change?  That's ok.  It's not anything to be ashamed of, right?  So you have some secret shame that stops you from really living?  Nurture that part of you....take good care of it...so the broken parts can heal, even if they heal crookedly.  Scars are proof that you are stronger than your open wounds.  Allow them to close by simply loving them.  You failed at quitting before?  That's ok.  You learned...you tried...you haven't lost, only regrouped.  You aren't supposed to be perfect...just human.  And as humans, we have flaws as well as skills, faults as well as virtues.  But that doesn't make us 'bad' or 'unworthy'.  It makes us....us. 

 

Yet, addiction will tell you that you aren't good enough to quit.  Addiction will slyly bring all your doubts to the surface until you run back and hide behind that cloud of smoke you've called safety for so long.  Addiction lies.  Addiction exploits.  Addiction finds excuses.

 

If you make friends with your doubts....if you love your wounds....if you are okay with those flaws and faults...addiction will lose.  It won't have anything to use against you.  It loses its power. 

 

And you gain life.  You gain your place in this world.  You learn that you've always been okay...you just needed to remember that. 

~~When you start to feel like things should have been better this year, remember the mountains and valleys that got you here.  They are no accidents and those moments weren't in vain.  You are not the same.  You have grown and you are growing.  You are breathing, you are living.  You are wrapped in endless, boundless grace and things WILL get better.  There is more to you than yesterday.~~ Morgan Harper Nichols

 

You may be finding it hard to quit smoking.  Every time you 'think' you've quit, it's only lasted for a few weeks or fewer days.  You think you're letting people down who have supported you and encouraged you and shown you how to quit.  You think no one understands what you're going through.....because, maybe, you don't understand what you're going through.  You don't understand why others seem to quit so beautifully while you struggle each and every day until you simply can't do it anymore.  You return to smoking but promise yourself you will quit again....when you are ready.

 

These moments you are experiencing with your quit are not in vain....because they've changed you.  You've grown without even realizing it.  An awareness has entered your mind, your heart, and maybe even your very soul and opened up possibilities that you didn't even know were there when you were a smoker.

 

You may still be smoking, but think about all you know now.  That there is a world out there for you that doesn't involve being chained to a habit that is harming you.  You have endless support here from people who were where you are right now.  You know quitting is possible.  All of this information has changed you in a subtle yet undeniable way.  Because now you can't go back to smoking without the nagging thought of "I need to quit this" or even "I shouldn't be smoking".

 

You, my friend, truly are wrapped in endless, boundless grace.  And that means that your time WILL come.  You will have your 'ah-ha' moment when the door to quitting is simply there and you can walk through...easily and readily.  That won't mean that there won't be struggles....but it does mean that you won't go back to smoking.  Quitting is not going back no matter what's happening in your life.  That's all.  You won't smoke.  

 

There is more to you than yesterday and that more will keep growing.  Have faith that quitting will happen....that you will MAKE it happen....at the exact right time you are supposed to quit.  The rest?  The slips, the relapse, the hesitations?  They are the things that change you....they are the moments that aren't in vain...they are how you grow.

 

So be kind to yourself, please.  And rather than battling your thoughts and hating your actions, love that growth and nurture the possibilities that are within you.  Feel better about who you are and what you are capable of doing.  You will get there.

 

I say prayers for us.  For the elders to always love their quits, for the new quitters to hang in there one day at a time, for the smokers to remember there is more to you than yesterday.  You are all remarkable.