~~She made broken look beautiful and strong look invincible. She walked with the universe on her shoulders and made it look like a pair of wings.~~ Unknown
I had a new case at the visitation center yesterday. A mom who got her children removed from her care. As we talked, she cried often and finally said, "I'm nothing without my kids. I don't know what to do." She truly was, at that moment, broken. I got her talking about some of the things she did as a mom. She liked to do arts and crafts with her children and she loved to read them bedtime stories. We talked about ways she still could be a mom and she loved the idea of creating her own story books for her kids that she would bring to visitation and read to them. She also decided to create "Treasures from Mom" boxes for them and fill them with notes, letters, little gifts that made her think of them and them give them the boxes when she got the children returned to her care. She was still heartbroken, but she now had some focus and goals to keep her occupied so she didn't just return to an empty house and sit there.
I've heard so often "I'm nothing without smoking". I've heard "I like smoking". And I've even heard "I'm not going to stop smoking". Your choice. Your decision. And I guess I want you to know today that while you are allowed that choice, the world truly is, at this moment, broken. Your decision to smoke is taking beauty from the universe. Because addiction stops you from being the best you can be...from being who you really are down deep. Maybe your breathtaking artwork will go unfinished....maybe your compassionate heart will not reach out to someone in need....maybe your garden will go unattended....maybe your house will never be completely renovated. Because you have to stop and smoke. Because that one cigarette will lead to another and time will stop for another 10 or fifteen minutes 10 or 20 times a day. And every time you go to light 'just one more', you feel slightly guilty and attempt to bury that guilt with the pleasurable addiction that is slowly killing your body. The cycle of addiction doesn't slow down or even remains steady. It will increase because that 'one more' will never be enough.
You are so much more without smoking!! You can't know that because you've never been there of course, but that's why I've stayed here. That's why most elders are here. To tell you what it's like on the other side. To help you get there. To give you hope that you can get there. And I really, really want you to know that you can. Decide not to let yourself down anymore. Give yourself the gentle nudge, the guidance, the love that you give others in your life. Stop thinking it's hard and start thinking it's worth it. Stop battling yourself and start loving yourself. You ARE worth it. You ARE strong enough. You CAN do it.
That mom had a very good visit with her children. She left the center with her head up. She wasn't through her tough times yet and there are definite struggles ahead....but she has a plan, she has support, and she has a goal. That's what it takes to get through tough times.
Don't give up on yourself, please. Get through this tough time and bring your true light into the world. It's waiting for you.