~~I've learned that things don't always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think they should. And I've learned that there are things that go wrong that don't always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I've learned that some broken things stay broken, and I've learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones as long as you have people who love you.~~ Jennifer Weiner
This is hard for me, being here right now. It's easier for me to encourage others than it is to come here and bare part of my soul. But I think those who know me here deserve an explanation. My comings and goings rather than just toughing it out like the rest of the elders. Dedicated and true to the mission of this site.
Let me share a little bit of who I am. I have dedicated a great deal of my adult life to helping families in need. From economic hardships to sexual abuse.....from abandonment to deliberate burns....I am there for the families. And I got very good at working with families. They trusted me, they leaned on me, and shared their secret shames and buried traumas. Then things suddenly turned deadly and I began working with families who children had been beaten to death...or committed suicide at the tender age of 8....or been so terribly neglected they couldn't walk, talk, or eat solid foods at the age of 3. I reached my limit. Couldn't do it anymore. Often spent my time crying over these poor babies. So slowly I am changing how I work with families. I needed to for my own piece of mind. Still there and still will listen when they need to talk but I am offering more positive services and healthy choices.
Here on Ex, I listen. I offer support and encouragement. And I hear the stories of health issues.....broken relationships...heart wrenching loneliness. Believe me, I understand!! And I listen. I pray. But there comes a point when reading that someone smokes because they get bad news at the doctor's office....I break for them. How devastatingly sad that they can't stop being their worst enemy. That they feel so destroyed by the diagnosis that they immediately turn to the addiction that possibly assisted in giving them the diagnosis. I understand addiction and I get why they do what they do....but still I spend time crying over these lost souls.
Since I feel so much and am a somewhat impulsive person, I choose to let go rather than just 'take a break'. Of course it doesn't work because here I am once again, but the sorrow and frustration and weariness I feel over this stupid, stupid thing called addiction....and all the damage it does..... can sometimes knock me to my knees and I react poorly. Recognizing that is the first step in correcting it, I know.
I'm here because of pir8fan and Strudel and indingrl.01.06.2011 and Youngatheart.7.4.12 and Daniela-3-11-2016 and Thomas3.20.2010 and all of those who have shared their quits here. I'm here because Giulia and jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007 and all those who have helped me quit. And I'm here because of Marilyn.H.July.14.14. and BonnieBee.quit.2.8.15 and OldBones-Larry and all the other exers who offer hope, share their struggles, and stay because they're needed.
Ok, so I am not the best sharer out there and I'm feeling a little out of my element. But I wanted to let you know why I sometimes do the things I do and I hope you will understand me better. May we all enjoy the here and now and not worry so much about tomorrow....it will take care of itself.