Skip navigation
All People > Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 > Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 Blog > 2018 > December

~~Wounds don't heal the way you want them to, they heal the way they need to.  It takes time for wounds to fade to scars.  It takes time for the process of healing to take place.  Give yourself that time.  Give yourself that grace.  Be gentle with your wounds.  Be gentle with your heart.  You deserve to heal.~~  Dele Olanubi


I have a few minutes between visits so I thought I would pop in and wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.  I have not done any Christmas shopping yet and no baking so I don't know that I'll be able to be here again before the holidays.  Please know you all are in my heart and will be on my mind during Christmas.  Those I know, those who helped me save myself, and those who I have yet to meet here, you all mean a great deal to me!   We have a shared bond, a common goal.  To quit and pass on our knowledge to the next in line.

I was a horrible quitter for the longest time.  Really, I just sucked at it.  I wasn't focused on what quitting truly meant and I was in the 'victim' mentality in my life so the world looked big and scary and I didn't move at all.  At one time I would have called myself pathetic but now I know that my wounds had to heal their way in order for me to heal as well.  Once they did...and once I did...I was able to move forward and understand what I needed to do to quit.

Regardless of how healthy you think you are mentally, emotionally, physically....once you quit smoking, you need to allow yourself time to heal.  Addiction is truly a wound.  Trying to ignore that wound or trying to force healing so that you can 'just get on with it' will only irritate it and make it harder to heal.

Give yourself that time you need to heal.  Don't rush through it because it won't work.  Give yourself that grace you need to heal well and whole.  Be gentle with you.  Because your life is new and may be scary as a non-smoker.  You will need time to figure out how to handle all the new sensations (like anger, stress, excitement).  You may need time to cry, scream, and get rid of all that negative junk you've stored up while smoking your cares away.  

But never doubt you can do it.  Never doubt that you deserve it!  And never doubt that with time, you will heal.

Thank you, Giulia, for being the first to just notice me here.  Merry Christmas to you and may you be gifted with peace for yourself over the coming year.  Thank you, Sootie, for your humor, your wisdom, and your warmth.  May you be blessed with the humor, wisdom, and warmth of those you love over the upcoming year.  jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007Youngatheart.7.4.12, Marilyn.H.July.14.14., Thomas3.20.2010, Daniela-3-11-2016, Strudel, JACKIE1-25-15, Mandolinrain  and so many more who have graced this site with inspiration, motivation, and their own unique sparkle, Merry Christmas and may you enjoy happiness and love this holiday season.

And for those who believe they are struggling with their quits.....allow yourself to heal the way you need to, not as everyone else has done before you.  Trust that you can and have faith that you will.  Merry Christmas!!!


ps.  I know I have left out names like my Tommy, Bonnie, Virginia, Diane Joy, and others.  I love you all!!!  God Bless and Merry Christmas!!





Posted by Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 Dec 20, 2018

~~Fear brings failure, faith bring success.  It's just that simple.~~  Ernest Holmes


There is a hundred different ways to encourage people to quit smoking.  There are a million different activities you can do instead of smoking.  And there is, most of all, a billion different lies to tell yourself to keep yourself chained to cigarettes.

Quitting is most easiest done when you keep it simple.  Can I tell you a story?

I teach religious education to 5th graders on Wednesday evenings. I was with them last night.  It was supposed to be our Christmas party but my class always opens with talking to God.  Not formal prayer but simply "Hi, God, this is.....and I wanted to tell you....".  )This is my way of reminding my kids that God is not only at church but with them every moment of every day, supporting, encouraging, helping.)  Anyway, last night they reminded me that we hadn't talked to Him the week before so they really wanted to start with their talk.  A boy we'll call Mark (not his real name) started with "Hi, God, it's me.  I wanted to ask you again to help my family..." he began crying but continued his conversation with God about the trouble in his home.  And he continued sobbing and explaining to God what he needed God to do until he was sure God understood.  He ended with "Ok, God, thank you for listening."  Then another boy who had already talked with God raised his hand and asked if he could say something else to God.  He said, "Hi, God, me again.  I just wanted to let you know that Mark is a real good guy so please help him out with that.  Thank you."

Simple faith.  Neither boy questioned whether or not God heard them.  Neither boy questioned whether or not God would or could or should help them.  They simply gave it up to Him.  And I could have intervened and told the boys that God may not answer in the way they wanted Him to.  I could have gently explained that life gives us trials and tribulations we must go through.  But I didn't.  I wouldn't.  They trusted in God and they had faith He heard them.  And I know with certainty that God is with my boys.

Simple faith moves mountains.  Simple faith wins wars.  So I won't give you long explanations of how to quit or what to do instead of smoking or how addiction lies to keep you hooked.

I will simply say have faith.  You can quit.  Don't worry so much, don't over plan, don't look for ways out.  Just have faith you can do it.  The rest will come.



`~Go now and live.  Experience.  Dream.  Risk. Close your eyes and jump.  Enjoy the freefall.  Choose exhilaration over comfort.  Choose magic over predictability.  Choose potential over safety.  Wake up to the magic of everyday life.  Make friends with your intuition.  Trust your gut.  Discover the beauty of uncertainty.  Know yourself fully before you make promises to another.  Make millions of mistakes so that you will know how to choose what you really need.  Know when to hold on and when to let go.  Love hard and often and without reservation.  Seek knowledge.  Open yourself to possibility.  Keep your heart open, your head high, and your spirit free.  Be wrong every once in awhile and don't be afraid to admit it.  Awaken to the brilliance in ordinary moments.  Tell the truth about yourself no matter what the cost.  Own your reality without apology.  See goodness in the world.  Be bold.  Be fierce.  Be grateful.  Be wild, crazy, and gloriously free.  Be you.  Go now and live.~~  Jeannette leblanc, 2008


I could tell you stories of courageous survivors.  I could tell you stories of horrendous loss.  Brave souls.  Amazing grace.  I've seen it all.  And I hope I have shown some of these qualities in my own life as well.

But being here, now?  It isn't about the stories of my friends, my students, my clients, or even me.  This is for you.  For the one here who is teetering on the brink of relapse.  The one here who is only wondering about quitting and not ready to commit.  The one here who is starting over at day 1 for the umpteenth time.  

If you are that one, this is for you.  Life is waiting for you.  Seriously.  Just on the other side of addiction, which messes with your head and tells you that you can' can't quit, you can't last, you can't survive. 

All lies.  I promise you that.  All lies.

You can quit.  You can last.  You can survive.  Not because I have done it or Dale has done it or Giulia has done it.  But because of you.  Only you and the choices you make.

Choose to move past the lies of addiction.  Choose to live.  Choose to hang tough instead of giving up.  Choose life over a preventable death.  

And by choosing, you break free of the thoughts that addiction dictates.  No more "I can't".  Instead it will be "I choose".  

Then life with embrace you with joy and freedom and all the things addiction keeps at bay.  All those things you read in the above quote...all the things you have avoided by smoking...all the things that have faded as addiction grew stronger.  

So this is for you today.  I wanted to give you glimpses of how things can be once you choose to let go of addiction.  You get to choose, you know.  To believe in yourself or in the lies of addiction.  I can't quit for you but I can remind you that you don't need anyone to do it for you.  Because you can do it for yourself



Posted by Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 Dec 8, 2018

~~You are being called to heal yourself, not to agonize over your mistakes.  Quit overthinking; this is what surrendering really means.  Don't focus on your problems and don't obsess about 'fixing' things.  Avoid forcing 'positive thinking'.  These thoughts can be psychological irritants.  Just leave yourself alone!  When you pick at things, they never heal.  Simply relax and give yourself some time.~~  Bryant McGill


Healing.  I just think its the best word ever, especially when it comes to quitting smoking.  Our bodies will begin to heal.  Our minds will begin to heal.  Our lives will begin to heal.  All the damage over the years will fade into scars and all the time wasted will drift into the past where it belongs.  

So as you progress in your quit, please allow yourself time to heal.  Don't try to fix those passing thoughts of smoking and don't try to focus on those cravings that jump at you from nowhere.  Don't try to force positive thoughts into your tired brain.  Don't try to pick at your quit.

Surrender.  Simply surrender into "this is my life at this moment".  Cravings will come and go.  Emotions such as sadness and anxiety may also show up.  Your mind may try to grasp at the thoughts of smoking like it used to.  It's ok.  It's ok to think, to feel, to allow yourself to simply be.

Because time has a way of healing in ways we can't see.  Time can heal in ways we don't notice.  And one day you may be shocked to realize that you haven't thought about smoking in a while.  One day your body may feel....better.  One day you may smile for no reason.

Surrendering means that you stop forcing change and allow change to happen naturally.  It means accepting the uncomfortable knowing that it will ease.  It means allowing healing to happen even when you can't feel the benefits right away.  Surrendering means accepting how things are as they are rather than trying to force them to be different.

Simply relax and give yourself some time to heal.  Surrender to your quit.




Just Stand Up

Posted by Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 Dec 2, 2018

~~The worst thing is watching someone drown and not being able to convince them that they can save themselves just by standing up.~~  Unknown


That's what we try to do, you know.  Those of us who have been there.  Those of us who used to believe everything you are believing right now.....the lies of addiction.  "I can't", "Now is not the best time", "I will as soon as I find a new job or get married or heal or am less stressed".  


We tell you that recovery delivers everything addiction promises...healing, freedom, relief, joy.  But when you hear us with the ears of an addict, you may hear only that others are successful while you remain stuck.  When you read with the eyes of an addict, you may only see that other people have something you can't achieve.  


Please just stand up.  Addiction only has the power you give it.  Don't feed it.  Don't fear it.  Understand it instead.  Accept it.  And then move past it, leaving it behind where it needs to be.  You have that power.  Just stand up.