~~An amazing thing happens when you get honst with yourself and start doing what you love, and what makes you happy. Your life literally slows down. You stop wishing for the weekend. You stop merely looking forward to special events. You begin to live in each moment and you start feeling like a human being. You just ride the wave that is life, with this feeling of contentment and joy. You move fluidly, steadily, calm and grateful. A veil is lifted and a whole new perspective is born.~~ Unknown
Interesting things happen when you get really honest with yourself. You begin to truly see who you are. You begin to understand how you've been living lies as well as truths, Maybe you've been accepting less than what you deserve. Maybe you even ignore so that you don't have to face things. Unpleasantness, change, loss.
My children helped me see this when I used to say, "I need a cigarette." They would gently suggest, "You want one, mom, you don't need it." Truth? Of course they were right. So I would say "I want a cigarette" but didn't seem to 'enjoy' them as much. I was beginning to question smoking.
Then I found this wonderful site. Made a huge number of friends, learned some things, but didn't like reading that I was an "addict". I took what I needed and left the rest but in doing so, I relapsed after about 180 days. Not because I didn't like the word "addict", but because I didn't understand the meaning behind the word. I was not working on my quit as hard as I was working on others' quits. I didn't pay attention to me. I didn't want to. Back to day one.
I finally left this marvelous site and these lovely people because I needed to focus on me rather than distract myself with 'helping' others. And so I did. It was a transformation I needed. Honesty. Self-honesty. I really wasn't happy with me. With my life. With my world. I wasn't happy being an addict.
So I transformed. I quit smoking cold turkey because it was right for me. I started doing what I loved. I left what I didn't love behind. Three years later, I'm still happy with my transformation and still over the moon about my quit.
But I'm not you. I can't suggest life changes because you may not think you need them. I can't advise you to change behaviors because you may not think you need to change. But I can urge you to be honest with yourself. Its a good place to start. Don't not think about it. Don't smoke your way out of it. And don't ignore it anymore. Why are you still smoking? Or why do you still see it as something good? Or why do you miss it?