~~I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through the process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.~~ Unknown
I did something incredibly brave today. Really, truly, stunningly brave and I am so proud of me!! It got me to thinking about my journey...the brave and not so brave moments. How I went from someone I didn't like at all to a woman I am proud to be.
When I came to this site over 5 or 6 years ago, I was a mess. Life handed me awfulness after ickiness and I handled none of it well. Poor health, poor coping skills, loss after loss, weak and....a mess. Of course I was a smoker!! Who wouldn't smoke through all that? And even when I learned how to quit and the importance of a quit and actually quit, I messed it up.
Honestly, I was pathetically lost. And it took me stepping back, allowing myself to cry, to fall apart, and to be lost in order to start healing.
I hated being a 'victim' even when I was one. I hated being reliant on others even when I was relying on others. And I hated smoking when I knew I was so much better than that.
So I healed. I healed physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I learned to love myself even when others didn't. I learned to use all the things I love to surround myself with goodness and light and positive energy. I learned that a job is a job unless you're doing what you love. I learned that I would rather be a warrior than a victim. So that's what I became.
I'm telling you this now because I don't want anyone seeing me as anything other than what I am. I have made mistakes, I failed a previous quits, I had meltdowns and upsets and tragedy.
But I am a warrior. I attacked this quit rather than my quit attacking me. I delight myself with life and living. My quit is strong and I am strong.
I did something brave today and it never fails to thrill me. I am so much better than I ever thought I'd be!! And you can be better too. Find that warrior in you because I promise you he/she is in there!! Stop being a victim in life and bring forth the warrior. Learn to love yourself and learn to love life....no matter what it throws at you. Good, bad.....it's just life and it's up to you to decide how to live it.
I did something brave today.....did you? I hope so!!
