~~The best feelings are those that don't have words to describe them.~~ Unknown
I always thought that this quote was true. You know those amazing warm feelings you get when things are simply perfect, if even for a moment. I can't describe those, but I love to feel them.
But I also have feelings that are just as hard to describe that don't feel so good. You know....those icky little queasy feelings that nag at you like a fight with your best friend.
Those are the feelings I get when I read about another relapse here. When someone is struggling so badly I can almost feel their pain. When the shame, the discouragement, the fear gets so bad they either disappear for a while or they can't hear anything but their own negative thoughts.
I wish I could help. I wish I could say more than, "Keep at it!!". I wish I could beat back that da*n addiction until you can see the stunning light at the end of that dark tunnel.
But the most I can do is words. Words of comfort, sometimes. Words of hope at others. I say them again and again just in case reading them the second time sends shivers of sudden understanding through your brain. Because that's what you need to do. Roll those words of knowledge, encouragement, and support you read here over and over in your brain until they actually soak in and you understand.
Those icky feelings I get happen because I so very much want each and every one of you to succeed in your quits. You CAN do it, anyone CAN. But I don't know why some do and some don't. I can't read minds, I can't stalk you at home, I don't know what you are or aren't able to do. Maybe that is part of my icky feeling....I don't know how to help you because I don't know what's wrong.
Addiction is terrible but recovery is possible. Hope, light, joy......all waiting with bated breath to burst forth from you once you quit. Negativity will die when left unfed. So many little quotes that mean really nothing if you don't understand. I don't want what I say to be meaningless. I don't want what I feel to be for nothing. I don't want what I know to be left misunderstood. But smokers often aren't really learning, hearing, or feeling anything other than their addiction.
I quit. I love my quit! I have never been happier. I am truly, truly blessed and I appreciate it with every single breath I take. I simply wish for you the same freedom from nicotine. So I will be here with my words, trying again to help you understand that you can do it, too.